We did go through divorce proceedings for well over a year and right before trial he asked me for a legal separation (I live in a fault based state so things are not exactly cut and dry). Since the settlement was the same I accepted. I really did that for me as 18 months in the court system had taken a terrible toll on my health (I have systemic lupus) and I really just had to remove myself as long as the settlement remained the same.
I can file for the D next Nov and our Agreement will be the grounds if I so choose (he can to but he will have to pay up as per the Agreement I negotiated). So it is all up to me.
I am doing okay health wise (thanks for asking!). I get labs every four weeks and I am due for another round soon. I do have to manage my fatigue and the cold weather makes things difficult. My lupus attacks my joints and kidneys. My kidneys improved greatly over the past two months and I don't think it was a coincidence with so much stress being gone.
The medication I take slows the progression of the disease (or it is supposed to, lol!) but it does not help with the physical pain. So I just deal with it and go about my day!
It's hard to understand why somebody would CHOOSE to live w/guilt instead of just saying... "hey, I feel terrible, clearly our marriage is over but is there anything I can do or we can do to try and end things on a better note?" What would be so bad about that?
Baffling to me as well. My H was talking about his guilt soon after moving out and I just wanted to shake him and say "you don't have to feel guilty, you can stop doing the thing that you're feeling guilty about!!". But I actually see it as part of the H being in "victim"/hopeless mode, as if the guilt is yet another thing that is happening to them that they have no power to do anything about.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
A few random thoughts and a request for guidance and/or clarity!
I am almost done with my first week of school. I like my classes, I like the people, the department and all of that. I do not like 8am classes. Very bad. My brain does not work that early. I feel a bit suffocated by all this structure. And, why do grown people wear pajama pants to school? Is this a new trend or what? Today I sat next to a grown lady wearing bright blue pajama pants (flannel ones at that) with smiley face snowmen on them. Did she forget to change her clothes? Am I missing out on some fashion trend? Why do grown adults try and sneak texting during class? Maybe I am just too old to "get it"?! There is a "man-child" in one of my classes. I call him a "man-child" because I am quite certain I am old enough to be his mother or maybe even his grandmother. My gosh, did I look that young in college the first time around?
Y'day my H messaged me. He said he wanted me to know he was working on a long message to send me this weekend. Um, ok. He said his west coast counterparts are here for the week ( a work thing) so he is busy. Ok. He said he needs totally privacy and concentration for this message. Ok.
He then tells me how sad he was last Friday because he knew it was the dog's b-day and he thought about her all day and what a great dog she is.
He said he wanted to tell me all this so I knew I was not on the back burner in his mind. Ok.
If I had to speculate this message will be the finest piece of WAS ever written. I decided to save him a whole lot of time and messaged him back and basically told him I think it is time for us to release all the burdens. I told him I was tired of these long and dramatic e-mails. I told him I don't respect him at all because he bypasses every boundary I create and I am sick of his dishonesty when there is no more reason to lie. I told him I really could not think of one productive or healthy reason to keep going "back and forth" like this on e-mail for what is going on TWO years. I told him clearly we are in very different places of personal growth and discovery and I will never get him to see things "my way" and I certainly choose not to see things "his way". I told him I feel it is best for me to stop trying because at this point it simply feels like we are both trying to get the last word in and I imagine we both have much better uses of our time.
Then there must be LOTS of people at school going through a divorce! I have a pair of red flannel pajama bottoms with snowflakes, maybe I should wear those! LOL!
I so don't get the wearing pajamas in public thing either. Then again, I never bought into the bra stra showing trend either. Underwear is just that--to be worn under other clothes. Pajamas are for wearing to bed, that's it. Some people are just too lazy to care about their personal appearance. I certainly hope they have better sense in a professional environment!
Stand tall in those 4" heels CG. You know how a woman should present herself in the world.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
