You know, I realized today I am not really sure my H is totally detached from me. We have not lived together in almost 2 years and he has been involved with OW since then. But I really do think he likes knowing I am "there". Not to reconcile but just *because*.
Why do you feel that way ? what does he do that makes you think that ?
My H doesn't have the power to *make* me think anything.
There is no reason for us to be discussing anything other than business transactions at this point and he certainly tries to steer the conversation elsewhere every chance he has when he pops back in.
He has told me multiple times he is not indifferent to me and he never will be. I know he misses the friendship part of us when we were married. We had lots of fun together. But as I told him the other day - the circumstances in which he created are not acceptable to me to build a friendship on.
He pops back in my life every so often saying crazy stuff but all he is doing is testing the waters to see if I have softened my stance. I haven't. My H lost the best friend he will ever have when he lost me. He knows that now. Probably best we are no longer married but OW certainly does not provide him with friendship like I did. He openly tells me his feelings get hurt when I don't respond to him. Oh well!
Did you read my first thread? Have you read this thread? Lots of background to cover!
City, it sounds like your H is really having the guilt in his head now from what he did to you. And you have moved on. Ain't love grand?
I thought about you & your sitch last night during talking to my H on the phone and he said, "I'm afraid of you because I don't know what you're capable of."
WTH? I wanted to laugh. He said he thinks I'm a snake with poison in my tail. HUH? I'm not the one who needs immi. papers and serving him w/ D papers after going to MC with him!
I know my H feels very guilty. That is not my speculation... last year about this time he told me (and I was contacted by the counselor) he was in C'ing due to guilt issues. He went three times,lol!
It's hard to understand why somebody would CHOOSE to live w/guilt instead of just saying... "hey, I feel terrible, clearly our marriage is over but is there anything I can do or we can do to try and end things on a better note?" What would be so bad about that?
This is what I don't get and I know I will have to fully accept I might never get it. My H and I (before all this BS started) had so much fun together. We have lots in common. My H does not understand (or maybe he does, who knows at this point) that you can't take the good parts of a friendship and stomp on the rest and hope one day it will all be okay with no work!
I for the life of me don't get why he just can't address his affair with me. It is no longer an affair. It is a very, very serious long term relationship. It is NO secret and it has not been for a very long time. Yet he wants to hang out with me and for me to keep it quiet so his GF doesn't find out and act like nothing happened? That is not a reasonable request IMO. This arrangement has been offered to me for a very, very long time and it just doesn't work for me.
I for the life of me don't get why he just can't address his affair with me. It is no longer an affair. It is a very, very serious long term relationship. It is NO secret and it has not been for a very long time. Yet he wants to hang out with me and for me to keep it quiet so his GF doesn't find out and act like nothing happened? That is not a reasonable request IMO. This arrangement has been offered to me for a very, very long time and it just doesn't work for me.
Nor should you think it's ok!
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
Oh she knows and my H is not "allowed" to talk to me at all. LOL!
My H has told me she is very jealous and intimidated by me. The entire court case we had (that he dragged out) she was furious it was taking so long. What was so comical to me (still is actually) is it never dawned on her the more noise she made the worse it was for her boyfriend who happened to be MY husband! Had I not agreed to the separation she would have been in the courtroom as well and I am going to guess things wouldn't have been quite so sexy anymore.
OW's brother funded a vacation for my H and her a while back. And my H e-mailed me while they were away several times, lol! And he had the balls to say to me "lets talk after GF goes to bed". LOL!
As per my H every fight they have (about 50 a day) is about me. Not sure why... I have NO contact with my H.
I do wonder how my H could be with a woman that has no respect for him or his future. She must be great in bed, lol! My H lost most of his assets, in large part due to his affair, and she is still bitching!
Our separation only became legal 8 weeks ago. For me, I felt it was not okay to date until that was finalized.
I have recently started dating very casually (remember though, my H and I have not been together since March of 2008 so almost two years has passed). VERY CASUAL. Nothing serious and certainly not sex (YIKES!) but its nice.
Well that's good you're enjoying yourself. Are you thinking of filing for D or is he?