That's ok... he will have to deal with the reality of the affair all the sooner.
The affair isn't going to be FUN anymore for him... Its going to start getting very unpleasant for him and he wont like it... If you aren't around or being mean he WILL blame the OW and they will fight... It's nothing to worry about.
Here are a few things my H told me last night: "If we get divorced" "My lawyer said I don't have to do anything with the paperwork, I can sit on it as long as I want to". "We would lose $1500 if we don't get the divorce" - to this one I replied "That money is nothing compared to keeping our marriage"
He also said, maybe we will talk tonight. I got the impression from what he said about the OW, that she was scared off. Of course he tried to tell me they were just friends, but then he said "We no longer can be friends because she is worried about her kids and her job". They are under the impression that I found out from someone at her work. He also informed me that she has already filed for D from her H, and that they have been seperated for 3 weeks.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
WOW I'm shocked at how fast these people move....what's sad is how quickly people get caught up in these affairs so quick to end years of marriage, break up families, etc. to puruse the affair relationship. Truth of the matter is not many of these last in my opinion...look at the foundation in which they started.
I agree...focus on contacting the OWH he has a right to know what's been going on. Focus on you
You can't take anything HE tells you HIS lawyer said seriously... everyone in this situation does this... the BS goes to a lawyer and tries to report back as if their info is going to be believed...
Don't TALK to your H about this stuff... leave him DEAL with it.. you need to create DISTANCE...
He sounds like he might be having some doubts, YOU need to keep your distance... put HIM on the defensive...
If you keep being at his beck and call he's not going to leave the OW for you... YOU need to distance yourself to show him your boundries... as long as he's in contact with her, he can't talk to you about things.. period.
Phil McGraw said the success rate for affair couples is less than ONE PERCENT..
This affair will NOT LAST... there's too much at stake.. These two were just having fun... there's tooo much pressure... now that its out the pressure's on THEM...
It won't last... we just need to keep distance and CUT HIM OUT until the H is ready to make a NC committment.
This means distance and silence only come from you until he offers a no contact agreement.
This separation stories are classic.. He will contact her again.. Affairs dont' fizzle out this fast.. they linger and slowly die with the pressure of reality.
Just get in contact with OWH and share as much info as possible...
Don't talk to H, make him aware he's made a MISTAKE... if you just keep chatting with him he will think he can exploit you... SHOW him he can't do that by putting up a WALL to him until he offers a No Contact Agreement
And tell him you do NOT want to hear ANYTHING his lawyer told him.. Your Husband has been LYING to you for weeks... his info about what the lawyer said is NOT reliable...
It may be accurate, but just IGNORE IT COMPLETELY... tell him you don't want to hear it or hear from him right now...
You TOLD him this earlier and now why did you give in? Don't let him do this.... It's NOT helping you to listen to him right now... shut him OUT is the best route. Even if he's apologetic. Shut him OUT and make him pursue you a bit and see he' sdone damage... he needs to know you are serious.
The way you show you are serious is by distance and silence.
Allen A, Thanks again for your advice. I didn't return any of his phone calls or texts last night, but he was waiting at my house when I got home. I told him I didn't want to talk right now. He started telling me all about the lawyer and the OW situtation. The only reply I gave was what I said about the money. Then I said there is nothing that has to be decided tonight and walked away.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Because he told you OW filed, doesnt mean its true....they like to make stuff up to make it hard on you. And....I doubt he'd be saying those things he said to you if OW and he were planning the perfect life together.
Leave him alone and let him wallow in his mess. Go do something that takes your mind away from this. Its a long, long road.
OWH will be your ally, even if they are getting divorced. I had a friend that had an affair with a divorced woman. His wife contacted this whores XH, and he really helped her out. So, regardless of their situation, the two of you can work together. My OMW and I share info all the time. She's a very nice person and am amazed at what people risk in their lives.
I was reading yesterday about Shania Twains situation, where she's now going to marry OMH.....weird stuff happens. Not saying you or I are going there, just to not be afraid of OWH...
I will check into the family court system to see if I can find out anything. However, I do think my H is lying about the OW and her H being separated. One of my sources told me that they were still together, and that OWH had no idea. I will be trying to contact him at their house as soon as I can. I know for sure OW works Monday nights. I would like to tell OWH sooner, but it may have to wait until Monday.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Truly, my heart aches for you.