How do I expose the affair

[june72]

There is also classmates.com as a shot in the dark

[WhatNow]

I agree with trying facebook first. It is the easiest way to get a message to someone. Also, you can find a lot of info at pipl.com The next alternative is county recorder records searches. There are also online companies that will sell you listing info on unpublished/cell phones. Start with msn.com white pages.

[Allen A]

Why can't you just follow the OW home?

How did you find out the woman was married or her name or anything?

I think part of the problem is we are a bit in the dark on how you got the information you have now... if you saw him cheating and you know the woman is married.. how did you find out she was married?

There must be some clue here to help us find this person's name and get in contact with him.. its 2010 and pretty hard to hide in America these days...

[WhatNow]

ok. I am caught up with your thread. You are getting really good advice on exposure.

I was uncomfortable exposing.

So, I made a list of everyone we knew who would support our marriage, as well as people they had contact with, and how I could contact them. (Ithink phone is best) Everyone needed to know this wasn't some fairytale romance but a sordid, family destroying affair.

Then, I wrote a neutral generic script to follow.
Hi XXXXX. This is (me). I am calling to tell you I just discovered WH is having an affair with (OW). I love WH very much and want to save my marriage. I would appreciate your support of my me and my marriage and any influence you might have in ending their affair.

many folks wanted more details, so I just said that it was really hard for me to talk about right now and we could catch up soon.

I also sent OW an email:
I know you are involved with my husband. I love my husband very much and want to repair our 23 year relationship and put our family back together. This is impossible as long as your affair continues, I am asking you to end it.

The quicker you expose and then REMOVE yourself from the triangle the better.

Also, google "distorted thinking patterns" so you do not take any of what he says personally right now. Maintain your dignity!

Exposure is hard, going dark, harder. the quicker you expose and go dark, the more peace you will have. Get out of his chaos! Once you are out of the triangle, they have noone to gripe about! They will be forced to face the rreality of what they have done.

(((hugs)))



Also check out my thread for the letter I wrote WH before I went dark.

[chatterbug]

You have so very few weapons to attack an affair. So when you attack you do it very quickly and all of it at once.

To do this piece by piece ruins your attack. I could see if you were defending ground. But not right now. Your attacking an affair.

They are like mushrooms. They grow in a pile of s*&t in the dark.

By now you should have exposed the affair to those who can help and you should have found the OM and talked to him.

And you should be entering LRT.

Want an affair to end.

Turn it into a "regular relationship"

I place that in quotes because it is not a relationship at all. And I do not want to cheapen any relationship with comparing adultry to it.

Lets see if the toothpaste debate can stand the light of day.

You need to be incontrol now to protect your family.

Please tell us why you will not do this.

[nikblondiew]

Have you had any luck finding the OWH? Curious if more texts were sent? When I don't respond to my H he goes nuts...texts after texts ...ridiculous!

[Allen A]

cutter you are spot on... I would suggest going a wee bit easier... this is a very stressful time for someone ... BUt definitely that is the route to go

I support your ideas here cutter, I just don't want to upset any posters... I remember when I first found out about mine, I was terrified if anyone knew... I exposed the affair to her friends... but i needed time to emotionally process the whole thing...

It took me three months before I did ANYTHING other than cry

She'll get there... take your time my dear... we are all here and have been through this...

Your marriage is not over... Your husband is addicted and that WILL END.... YOU can end it... You just need to bring reality on him as soon as you are able... reality being exposure, bill payments, lawyers, friends and family shutting him out, etc

One day at a time and this will happen for you... The fact that the OW is married is a HUGE bonus to you.

- allen

[mb28]

Thanks everyone

OWH is not on FB, and I have googled him and can't find anything. I think I have an address, so I need to go check it out. I found out his name from OW FB account, but her pics are blocked, so I don't even know what he looks like.

H filed for D yesterday )-:

[Allen A]

He filed?

That's good news.... Its all the more pressure on his wife...

Believe me she is hurting over that... There's no way she can watch her marriage go down in flames and not experience shock or upset...

Until you exposed she didn't have to deal with that at all...

NOW she has to deal with the fallout...

If she has kids too things are going to get even worse for her you'll see...

[mb28]

Sorry for the confussion. It wasn't the OWH that filed, it was mine