I wonder if we still project our baggage on someone new, and they do the same to us. Subconsciously.
In a way it's easier to deal with your old SO (generally speaking), when you treat each other for what you are, not subconsciously expecting the same treatment as of your ex's.
I don't know if I explain it right. For example, someone new might have had their ex cheated on him, so he might subconsciously treat you as that's what you would do.
I think it all boils down to how good a person is at letting go. Like if you (general you) cannot let go of baggage in your current R, you will continue carrying it into a new one. It doesn't mean you cannot break up and let go.
Thanks for your comments Wholeagain. I appreciate the input.
I agree, it all depends on being able to leave the past in the past and not let it rule any future relationships. I know there's no guarantee with anyone new that it would be any better than with BF. Everyone has baggage. But at least with someone new I wouldn't look at him and be able to picture him screwing OW behind my back in my house.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
It's not that bad anymore MF, really. Dwelling on it really serves no purpose so I don't bother. But it's out there in various forms and does rear its ugly head at rather inopportune moments. I'm sure it will lessen as time goes on, but the disappointment in knowing that he chose someone else over me at one time will never completely go away. I haven't decided yet if it's something I want to live with for the rest of my life.
But in general things really are going great. We're going to the gambling town tonight and will stay at the casino hotel. Tomorrow night I want to go to a sci fi movie where local comedians talk over it a la Mystery Science Theater 3000. Sunday we're going to have dim sum with friends. And at some point we will meet with the landscape designer to look at plans for the front yard and I need to paint my darn closet.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Gambling overnight trip with friends was fun. We ran some errands then went to the sci-fi movie Sat night. Sunday we went to dim sum with friends then worked around the house. BF experimented with chili for dinner.
After dinner I brought up moving to SF. I told BF that I needed to know his thoughts about it since it will involve a drastic lifestyle change. He said he thought my mind was already made up on going. I told him that's what I want but I haven't heard anything about what he wants to do. Without that input I feel like he's going along with the plan due to guilt about moving around for his career. I don't want him to move and end up miserable because the weather is bad, the cost of living is high and golf opportunities are limited. He started tearing up but I'm not sure why. He said he'll think about it. I'll ask again on Thursday night.
Right now I have to decide what it is I really want. I don't love living in Denver but it's not terrible. I've grown accustomed to my current lifestyle: being able to go out to dinner and do fun things. Moving to SF means taking several steps backwards due to the cost. Much smaller, a lot cruddier living conditions and not much (if any!) money left over for shopping, travel or other luxuries. But it also means being in a vibrant urban atmosphere where I feel like I belong. If only I could win the lottery!!
The other hitch in all this is still wondering if BF and I can or should remain together. If we split up I definitely want to move to SF. I can stay put for the time being and see how the R works out but that could just be delaying the inevitable move. Plus it means doing the job search twice, my own personal hell. OTOH, getting a job here means saving more money for a possible move to SF which is a definite plus.
Argh! Why can't I make a decision and stick to it??
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Because there is a lot at stake... you have fought hard for this relationship! It is not an easy thing to make a decision that can now have a huge impact on what you fought so hard for.
I would really explore what the tearing up was about... it sounds like there is something significant there...
We're going to the gambling town tonight and will stay at the casino hotel. Tomorrow night I want to go to a sci fi movie where local comedians talk over it a la Mystery Science Theater 3000. Sunday we're going to have dim sum with friends. And at some point we will meet with the landscape designer to look at plans for the front yard and I need to paint my darn closet.