As much as you don't want to hear you are a legend you are to many of us here. Snodderly is also, among a few others.
I reached out to your thread so many times during my H's MLC. He is still working on himself as I am also. Things are getting better but, he still wishes to just forget what happened.
Anyway, Your threads are in MLC archive on page 82. Have them memorized (the page that is) as I refer to them when i feel I can not go on any longer. Reading them gives me peace and helps me to move forward while I wait for H to come through the tunnel. No I don't follow any time lines as there are none for MLC but comparing things somewhat does help. I do not post much as I don't have much to say but I read and help others when i can.
I am glad to see you post here again even if it is a short time and your memory of things is diminished. Hopefully mine will be someday also.
JAK
Last edited by JoJo's circus; 02/15/1006:37 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
HeartsBlessing, this is freaky seeing your name here because I haven't looked at this site in several years, but clicked on it on a whim today to try to cheer myself up and there was your name! You were such a great help back in 2002-2004 or so for me, along with lizbeth, sparky and summer.
I don't have anything brilliant to say, other than thanks again for helping me during such a painful and difficult time and how bizarre to see your name when I haven't been here for so long!
I am much better now, but can hardly believe it's been since 2002 that I originally signed up.
Apparently, I didn't follow the DB rules closely enough because I am divorced, my ex married the other woman and they are still together.
Now and then I look at the photos he posts online of their lavish vacations and home renovations. I looked today and was shocked at how fat and gray he's become--haven't seen him in person in a few years. Seeing the photos sent me here for a kick in the butt. Not that it really does much good. I already believe he's still in his MLC and running away from real life and medicating himself by showing off and spending money and blah, blah, blah. I am still without him and still questioning "what if..."
But, I have a job, a new house, friends and family (and a therapist who says I am one of the most forgiving people she's ever come across) and I still miss my ex every day.
First off, thank you VERY much for the links to all the resources; I'd been digging for a couple of days trying to figure out where they were. :)I'd found some of them, but not all.
I'm glad that what I was able to contribute has helped someone on their journey toward being whole; with or without his/her spouse.
You're all very welcome.
You'll all be fine, even if you don't believe it right now..I promise you will; regardless of what happens.
And I agree wholeheartedly with Snodderly being a legend; she helped me alot; help I have NEVER forgotten; and it is a tribute to her dedication that she is still here; amongst the other mentors whom I don't know as yet. I just never saw myself as one, but thank you for saying that. All that ever mattered was that I helped someone.
Take care of yourselves and your families..and I'll be talking to you.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
Talk about a blast from the past!! I remember you very well..and I'm so glad that you're doing well. Viki, when your husband left you did NOT fail; you forgot ONE thing....HIS power to make decisions...Free will is something we all have a tendency to forget, especially in the middle of this type of crisis. The decision to continue with his marriage or not was always up to HIM....just as that same decision rested with you.
You wanted to continue the marriage, he didn't...HIS LOSS; not yours. You see him leaving you as you having failed; I don't...it was an opportunity to really find yourself.
Now's the time to leave the past behind; as long as you stay mired in the past; there is no future...that's also the only way you can heal and march right on with your life.
It's not that you forget that he was ever there; but you place that memory in its place..the past.
Being successful is not about the money you made, the marriage you saved, etc. it's about who you are, and what you've become..and how many lives you've touched.
Much love goes out to you, Viki...it was great seeing you again.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
You have no idea how many times I've thought of you and wondered how you are!! I am so glad you "happened" by here today! Of course, you know there are NO coincidences!
Is your old austin rr e/m the same? If so, I'll e/m you there. So glad to know you're doing well. And, understand so well the "missing" aspect to it all!
Viki, I re-read your post and don't doubt for a second that your EX-Husband is still stuck in the tunnel; it reminds me of a friend of mine, whose husband went on and married the other woman....he was and still is stuck in the tunnel, but trying to move forward, and I can tell you, she's GLAD he did what he did. She didn't need him in the shape he was in...and when she realized that; it threw all the "what if" questions right out of the window...and she gained her freedom. It took her a couple of years to realize that as a fact. She is now remarried, having gotten something better than she had before.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
All true, and I never tire of hearing it. It does sink in, but then I backslide. Thanks for your reply.
It came as quite a shock to me last month around his birthday that it's been 8 years since I found about the OW because it just doesn't seem that long to me because in between I've also gone through my younger brother's long illness and passing, jobhunting, adjusting to being in the real work force after 20 years out of it, moving, pet death, aging parents and more---and I am still without him which is all I ever wanted.
But I am such a better person for it all(yadda, yadda, yadda insert cliche here, but it's true.)It is his loss!Thanks for the words of encouragement.
I admit it was quite a shock to see him in the online photos. Not that looks should matter, but he looks unwell to me. I sent them to my mother and she remarked that he looks ill and unhappy. He will never admit that he could have been wrong, and I am on the cusp of really letting go now, I think. It's scary!
