Hello Snod! Remember me? It's been YEARS since I talked to you! I lost your email address; had your phone number somewhere, but couldn't find it; still looking. I had to sign up again and got my sign in name back...that was a shock, LOL!!
I saw you were here, and thought I'd holler at you! Plus, I have a question; refer below.
One of the reasons I'm here is that I came along yesterday looking for some of the posts that would help for someone else whose husband dropped the bomb on her, and she's all to pieces. Not surprisingly, I cannot remember everything that happened; only the lessons I learned out of this. So, I came to collect what I could of the posts, not only my old ones but others for her to read, and hopefully make some sense of this.
For the curious and eavesdroppers: I was one of you in 2001; I stayed on the board for over 2 years or two dispensing help, wisdom, and getting help for myself. I'm one of the success stories that made it out.
My husband and I did make it out of this darkness called MLC; nothing is the same; the settling down process that comes along after it's all said and done is still happening, but those signs didn't show clearly until the fall of 2004, and is still going on.....but I'm handling that just fine. I must have had my head in the clouds for a time, because until that hit me in the face; I wasn't seeing it. One of the three children that showed up before is back..and it's the sign of the most traumatic experience he'd faced as a child; his parent's divorce that occurred at 7 years old. As of now, the child is trying to rule, and the man doesn't know what to do...so I drive my truck, he drives his..and I pretty much leave him to his own devices for now. Does it bother me? Sometimes, but the Lord has the situation in hand. In time, this will resolve as well. Yet, that brings me to a question: Snod, do you remember anything about the Midlifer reintegrating the children while in the settling down process?
Believe it or not, I ended up going through the Mid life Transition myself for 6 years, which overlapped his, gained a much better understanding of what he faced, though I went at it a little differently than he did; but didn't do anything wrong, though I wanted, to, LOL! I remember mine better than what I remember from his; as I've been out of mine for around 2 years now. I remember the children that came out of me very well, but peace and the coming to terms had to be made, and they had to be put to rest for all time.
I think there's a few people who remembers me from several years ago; I posted alot of the wisdom people refer to from time to time. Many people tried to fit their situations into the time frames that I posted, and I'd tried and tried to remind people that every person was and is different, and the time frames are not the same. Maybe I was wrong for even posting times, when the focus should have been solely on the descriptions. I mean everything takes TIME..and that's what you've got when you don't have anything else for the time being.
People, you must remember to work on yourselves, forget your WAS for the time being; there will be time to get to that later. There's a time and season for everything.
For now you're on a path that's not of your own making; what you do with it is up to YOU!
This is a GROWING time for all of you; giving you the freedom to choose how your life will go from now on. It's also a time of CHANGE; whether you like it or not.
I may not remember it all, anymore, but I still understand how it is.
From where I sit now; I'm GLAD for what I endured; as it made ME a better person, never mind what happened to my husband.
And took a LONG time to get there, let me tell you.
Life has NO guarantees, so make the most of the opportuntity that has presented itself. It'a ALL in the attitude, ladies and gentlemen.
Listen to your mentors; pay attention to the advice they give, they KNOW what they are talking about; they are drawing on HARD experience. You will be in their place before you know it, mark my word.
I'll be back to read; but I can't guarantee I can help anymore..it's the place you get to where you draw blanks..and I was drawing a great many when my friend called me in tears; her husband is 47, she's 43. I could see some things but not others, and my memory contained blank spaces..so I came here; the one place I remembered VERY well.
Later!
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
Check the MLC Archives for your postings. Many have been removed due to server space. Didn't you also post on the Jim Conway site? They may still have your postings.
The children do not intergret during the final settling down period. That should have been done just as they entered acceptance. The settling down period is the one stage that no knew about until I began to post about it. As for your h and his children, he's not done with his crisis if the child is coming out to be heard. Obviously something has derailed his processing and now the child is being heard once again.
Many things have changed here on the board. For one, I do not go by "Snod" and the second, I may have accepted private calls and emails from the posters many years ago, but I do not now. The only way to reach me is via the Board. One, more thing, please do not put my name in your titles. I do not want to be singled out as there are many, many excellent posters here.
Many things have changed here on the board. For one, I do not go by "Snod" and the second, I may have accepted private calls and emails from the posters many years ago, but I do not now. The only way to reach me is via the Board. One, more thing, please do not put my name in your titles. I do not want to be singled out as there are many, many excellent posters here.
Please accept my deepest apologies..I was unaware that things had changed out here on the board, and that much. For one, I have not been here in around 8 years, two, I had always considered you a friend from that time, three, I'd been sent to the one person I knew could answer this question, and it has been answered. I wasn't "singling" you out, just doing what I'd been instructed to do. And fourth, if I could edit my intial post that started this thread, I would, but I can't.
With all that said:
If I offended you, I am truly sorry. I know when I've been put in my place, although I did these things in ignorance.
Good to see you, too, and thanks for the answer; it's helpful.
Last edited by HeartsBlessing; 02/15/1005:48 PM.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
I was surprised but touched by what you've posted..I'm sincerely NOT a legend, nor am I anyone special. I'd just been one of many who navigated the deep waters of MLC along with my husband; and with myself.
There are things I've seen and experienced that eventually were relegated to the archives of my mind and memory; and though they exist there in fact, I don't "relive" those experiences....and it has been only when someone has needed my help the memories start coming back, but they are in bits and pieces.
God truly does perform a healing within that dims the memories, and time does the rest; as time truly does heal all wounds, and put things into a different perspective for each one of us.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
You are always welcome to post here, but as I stated previously, I do not wish to have my name placed in the subject line of postings. Many of us have this same request as it is very unfair to others who post as much as we do and also have excellent information for the readers.
BTW, we are no longer allowed to exchange email addresses or telephone numbers on the Board...because of privacy issues, etc.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I figured that the privacy issues would be in place, and can understand that very well.
Many things have changed with me in the last 8 years or so; I grew and never stopped growing. I'm driving a truck full-time now as an Owner/operator; doing well; getting on with my life, or a reasonable facsimile thereof, LOL!!
I was kind of feeling out of my depth here, when the Lord instructed me to come back and ask a question of you. There are things I'm sorting out, the memories are coming back a little at a time...not only prompted by what my friend is dealing with, but also something I'm seeing that's ahead.
Then I stuck my foot in my mouth, go figure! LOL!! I can't blame you for speaking your mind; you always did, Snodderly...and that is the one thing I respected about you, you never pulled any punches.
I guess it's a backslide of some sort on his part....I will do some thinking of how to bring this together, come back and post my story to get the feedback of others as well as trying to help some of the others with what little I can remember. I don't believe in coming in for help, and not giving any. It was always hard for me to admit I need help; and I keep running up against that brick wall...and still do, at times. I will also ask the Lord to help me to help others once more in return for whatever feedback I can get.
It's exactly not a struggle I'm facing, not from the place I'm at now...but it's irritating.
Let me get my thoughts together, and I will post what I can remember under another thread. Might not be right this minute, but I will and soon.
I gotta hit the road again in a few.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
