Lack of perception....people only see what they want without wanting to understand. I feel rather confident in stating that a doormat doesn't know that it is a doormat....but an MLC LBS goes through actions knowingly. So the LBS is knowingly accepting the path they choose unlike the doormat that doesn't realize it is a doormat.
"Humans will never perceive reality....it is impossible....because it is bent by their perception"
You should drink and post more often. This is a very insightful observation.
Last edited by C-Bart; 02/19/1007:51 PM.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Why are some of the tactics in dealing with MLC considered being a doormat?
I believe it is all perception. In an aggressive society, many people live believing that if you do not "stand up for yourself" that you are a doormat. However, in choosing to live your own life, be responsible for your own actions, exhibiting self control instead of going off half cocked because of some injustice or wallowing in a pit of self pity, while your MLCer lives life, you ARE standing up for yourself.
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Why does the MLC LBS suggested to go dark or dim, instead of confronting the MLCer?
This is actually, IMO, a form of self protection as well as a boundary. It is not putting yourself in a position to have all sorts of crazy, cruel, unnecessary words thrown at you, if you can avoid it. And it is stating that that is not behavior that you will tolerate from your MLCer. If they wish to talk like adults, then the door is still open for that to happen.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Self-sacrifice is not a popular concept in our world. Stories of faithfulness in the face of rejection or even just lack of something in return make the news because it's so rare these days.
Standing for a marriage that is in distress, particularly when one spouse seems to have wigged out is looked down upon by many as being enabling or being that doormat. Few recognize the honor in remaining true to your vows until the bitter end. Few have the stomach to truly endure the "worse" in "for better or worse."
If MLC is truly a psychological trauma born of hidden and unresolved wounds...if it truly is a crazy journey of the soul that must be navigated...then there is at least a part of the ridiculous behavior that is simply a part of their wicked journey. There is incredible inner anguish, both from pain and from emptiness. This anguish thrusts the MLC'er forward to remove things that have potentially brought the pain, and to grasp for things that will soothe the pain.
In that light, a left behind spouse honors their marriage and their spouse by remaining their rock - that lighthouse that can lead the other home one day.
But damned if you don't go through some crap along the way.
Most people just aren't in to that kind of crap.
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I hope you all have a wonderful week. Please continue to post, some damn good insights and reasons.
The reason for the question(s) is there are alot of new people from different parts of the boards. And I was hoping and thankful for the wise posts as to the differences.
Thank you for this thread. I feel more and more sure that H is in a MLC, and what I'm reading here reinforces my confidence in the path that I'm on. I think I need to spend more reading reading here in MLC land
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
