Too Late For Us?

[mrbt]

Another update.

Last night I was cooking, thinking about our situation, and trying to mentally prepare myself to go dark. There was a knock on my door - it was the wife. This caught me off guard. After the way things went yesterday, I did not expect to hear from her at all. She stayed for about an hour. She was very upset about some things that happened at work - to the point of crying and saying she's tired (mentally). I got the impression she is about to have a meltdown.

Today, we exchanged text messages (she initiated). She said she was feeling low and wished she would have called me during her lunch break. I asked what was wrong and from here it was a series of "you're so nice, and I suck" statements. It seems like she is starting to crack under the pressure a guilty conscious. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. Any thoughts?

BTW. She told me that she was angry yesterday (when we had our R talk) because she discovered that I used my commission check to pay off my credit card and did not offer to pay on hers (the one she used to pay her attorney). She said after thinking about it, she understood why I would not feel responsible to pay her debt. I think this may be why I felt her backing off lately. Under normal circumstances, anything involving money (it was a large payment) would have been discussed prior.

Also, and this was a big surprise, she told me that up until a few days ago, she thought she might possibly be pregnant. She said this is why she was stalling the divorce.

One more thing. I have been reconsidering the idea of moving back home, with or without her consent (this was previously suggested by: robx and mrbond). I went back and studied the situation DDogs (link below). I was encouraged at the beginning of this thread but it doesn't look like a happy ending.

DDogs Thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1931689&page=1

Since I am not very good at going dark, I thought changing the dynamic instead might be worth a try. Dumb idea? I am sure I will get whacked in the head by the proverbial 2x4's

[mrbt]

Regarding my post above. Now I'm thinking I should stay put unless I see some positive change in W. I guess I just feel like I need to take some action - shake things up. But, not sure what good moving back would do. It just bugs the crap out of me when I have to knock on my own door - or go away at the end of the night. I guess if I go dark none of this matters right?

[mrbt]

I think I am paralyzed. Someone give me a pep talk please.

[Number 8]

mrbt, did something happen, or did you just do like I do and actually start thinking about what has happened?

You are a wonderful person who is working very hard for something incredibly important to him. That's who you are! You are kind and generous, and you are doing anything and everything you can to make your M work. Your persistence is admirable, and your ability to work on yourself and take care of yourself is a testament to your respect for YOU.

Now get going and go somewhere! Anywhere! Go to the mall, the park, the movies, or somewhere you love to go. Just go!

Have a great rest of the weekend. I'll be thinking of you!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Mrbt,

You're being "Mr. Nice Guy." In studying thousands of affairs, I have NEVER, personally, seen that work.

You have no children together, and you've caught your wife with a secret cellphone and she says she's planning on divorcing you. Why on earth haven't you at least TRIED the "go completely DARK" thing yet??

Frankly, I don't trust you to keep your emotions in check around your wife. You need to separate yourself completely from the situation, and at least give her an opportunity to MISS YOU.

Puppy

[Piano]

dear Puppy,
Where can I read your own story? I am relatively new to this..
thanks!

[mrbt]

Thanks 8. Nothing major happen. Just let the emotions loose again.

Thanks Dog. You are correct about not being able to keep my emotions in check. I am able to do this for a period time (several days ) but hard to sustain.

[Number 8]

No problem, mrbt. We all do it at some point or another. I've had some anger resurface in the last couple days, and I've been working on that. Our emotions certainly go through cycles and waves, and it won't be the last time it happens to either of us. I hope you got out and about today!

[mrbt]

This may not sound like a big deal to anyone but, this morning I went to Starbucks for coffee instead of walking over to the wife's apartment. It was difficult for me not to bring something back for her. This is what I would have done when the marriage was good. I continued to do "nice" things as marriage went bad. Not a big deal but its a step in the right direction.

[ddstartingover]

It is a big deal. It is a sign that you are thinking of ME instead of WE, and it is a turning point for what needs to happen to work on YOU. Keep up the good work!