Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[gr8 day 2B alive]

KS Chick.

I noticed you have been here quite awhile and many posts.

Have you seen any success over the years?

[*KS*Chick*]

Depends on how you define success.

I have been divorced 3 years in July. If you define success by still being married, then I guess not.

However in the past 4 years I have learned a lot about me, who I am, what I want, and have such a great relationship with my daughter. To me, that is how I define success, so yes

[gr8 day 2B alive]

I did see you info at the bottom, and you are OK with it.

I am sure you have seen so much here. Good and bad.

I guess I am having trouble comprehending making changings for me.

W has told me in the past to address my sleeping issues.

I have made that decision to address it.

I know I need to address it for myself but I think of her in the back have my mind.

In fact the changes I'm making need to be done for me but I can't help thinking this is what she needs to see in me.

Making changes for me, but will be kind to W when she asks me about me.

[*KS*Chick*]

When you're told to make the changes for you, the end result should be......even if you and your wife end up divorced, will you keep up the changes because they are better for you?

i.e. sleeping issues - if you do address them, it benefits you. Her seeing it - is an added bonus.

your anxiety - definitely will benefit you to get a handle on it. Her seeing it.....well you get the idea.

Don't do things just for show. Don't start making every meal, doing all of the dishes, laundry, house cleaning, lawn mowing......if it's not something you can keep doing forever. Don't do things just to get her to "notice" - KWIM?

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Thanks KSC

Unfortunately my wife has left the home and I'm working with only seeing twice a week when we exchange to kids.

I know my sleeping and anxiety issues are important to me no matter what happens. They need to be address immediately.

Thank you for taking the time to stop by my posts.

[dburt]

I still hang around here because the program worked for me, my wife and I are now in a great place, just went to dance lessons on Thursday, had a great time! (something I would not have done 14 months ago).

When do you have the kids?

[jasper67]

Unfortunately my wife has left the home and I'm working with only seeing twice a week when we exchange to kids.

I am in the same boat, except no kids- we have dogs, but I have made a boundary for W to keep her's while having an A. I know it's difficult to sep the two- doing/ changing things that need to be changed for you, and then for the M.

Ultimately we want W to notice, so something can happen. I struggle daily- but if I believe my M is dead- even if it's not what I want, then the focus has to be on me...

[gr8 day 2B alive]

dburt,

I am glad you worked things out in your M.

I am honestly looking to have the M that w and I dreamed about.

I have the kids either Saturday thru Wednesday morning or Sunday through Wednesday morning, depending on the week.

We agreed to split time with the kids 50/50.
This was her idea b/c she was 4 when her Parents Divored and didn't like the fact that she saw her dad only on the weekends.

Our kids goto day care Monday and Tuesday and her parents take a day to watch them Wand Th. She is off Fridays from work so she has them to herself.

If my W asked about my IC again would it be OK for me to say something like this? -

"My last few sessions have really uncovered an issue with myself that caused our marriage not to thrive. I am taking the neccessary action to got the help I need so I can be a happier person."

As you said earlier, it won't mean anything to her if I tell her b/c it wouls sound like another attempt to get her back.

I do not want to make that mistake again.

I do want her to honestly believe my actions are sincere.

thanks

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Maynard

I have read your sitch awhile ago also mt27??(I think) and our situations are quite similiar.

I am not dealing with OM. That has been confirmed.
My W has just given up on me b/c she thinks I can't change. I'm sure she tried to make things better over the past year if not more but I was inresponsive to her actions.

It really did take her saying she's leaving to wake me up and take action.

She asked me many of time " Why did it have to come to thjis for me to respond?"

I couldn't give her an answer before but now I realize my problems and can answer her.

Problem is she most likely doesn't care now.

I will handle this in a mature way and get the help I need.

[*KS*Chick*]

hey Gr8 - Don't assume she doesn't care. I don't know that I would bring it up to her though, unless she asks how it's going.....