Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[gr8 day 2B alive]

KS,

Your right. I should not try to mind read. I was doing that before and it all backfired.

I can't wait for this week to end. I have my IC on Thursday night.
I was seeing an IC early on in the process but I didn't feel comfortable with her. I think she may have been a social worker.

I would have a phone session with a DB coach then see her the following day and it felt like I was running the session.
I didn't like that she said both people have to be working on the marriage for it to survive.
I dropped her after the second visit.

May this new C will help me better than the first.
Especially now I can start to address my issues .

[dburt]

I know it is hard but try not to worry so much about what she is thinking. Here is an idea for you, when you have the kids, ask if you can drop them off early so you can get to a (fill in the blank) night out with friends, overnight trip with friends, dance lessons, happy hour with a bunch of people, to the spa. Something that will have her wondering wow, who is this guy. Look great, smell nice, do something different with your hair, have on some new shoes, whatever. She may or may not do it then but eventually she will ask, what is this? Just say, ever since I got some help with some of my problems I feel great and I want to enjoy life, and not have it pass me by.

This will entrigue her, ask herself if she is missing something with you, and also wonder what all of this is about. And maybe most importantly am I loosing him?

Mostly she will see a happy fun you, regardless of how you got there.

Burt

[gr8 day 2B alive]

dburt,

thanks for those suggestions. I did in fact do everything you mentioned from the new hair style to new clothes to going out.

Maybe she did noticed them but she has not commented on any of them(NOT that I'm Looking for her to say something.)

I have always been soft spoken in our R. Not expressing my feeling to her. If did something that annoys me I would not say anything. This way I would avoid an arguement.

I know that healthy M can have arguements.
No two people are going to get along 100% of the time.

That brings me back to me telling her about my issues and what I'm doing to address them. This would be a 180 for me.

I am mad at myself b/c she has mentioned to me in the past about my slepping disorder and I did nothing about it.

Are dead set against me telling her that?

I have an IC tomorrow night(Weather permitting.) This will be my first with a new IC.

My DB coach suggested I see one to discuss my anxiety.

I think she incovered something I can build on.

Thanks again for checking in on me. It means a lot.
gr8

[The Wifey]

My advice:

If she asks how the C is going say it is going well. No details. None. Then do like dburt advised with looking good, asking to drop the kids off early, etc. Except, I wouldn't say anything about dealing with issues and not letting life pass me by. If she wanted to know what was up then just say that you are just living your life. Again, no details.

You WANT to be a mystery.

[*KS*Chick*]

Gr8 ~ I don't think you should volunteer the information but if she asks, you can tell her that you have been and maybe somehow use that to validate her - like I'm glad you kept on me about that, because now I'm getting treated for it, etc. and am feeling so much better - so thank you.

Did that make sense?

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Update.
I went to my first session with my new IC, I went a few months ago to an IC and didn't like or feel comfortable with her.

My new IC went well for the first visit. I told him I was there to adress my anxiety and sleeping issues. I did tell him I talk to a DB coach about my M porblems and he agreed to not address my M or R unless I wanted to. Fair enough.

First session went well, I am learning to get a grip on thing I can't control. I honestly felt goog the past few days. I am no longer consumed by Wife's actions or thoughts.

I researched some natural remedies for anxiety and found some herbal teas that claim to help. I picked up a few and can honestly say I feel more calm. I gave up drinking coffee b/c of the caffeine. The first week was hard b/c of the haedaches but now I feel better. I also gave up drinking beer at night to relax me. I was in a mad cycle of drinking a pot of coffee in the the morning then drinking a few beers at night to relax.

I also enrolled in a yoga class that starts this week. I hope this will also help me reduce stress.

Time will tell I feel so much better about myself.

Also W has not emailed me the website for the Mediator yet.
It's been over a week and a half since she said she was going to send me the info.

Even if she does sent it, I am OK with it.
It's just a piece of paper.

Thank you all who have stopped by and commented.
I will have more updates soon.
Enjoy the Day!

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Gr8 ~ I don't think you should volunteer the information but if she asks, you can tell her that you have been and maybe somehow use that to validate her - like I'm glad you kept on me about that, because now I'm getting treated for it, etc. and am feeling so much better - so thank you.

Did that make sense?

This makes perfect sense. Thanks KSC

[dburt]

Do not be afraid to go to your family physician and speak to him about your anxiety/depression issues, he/she will be able to determine if this is normal anxiety that you can remedy with relaxation techniques, or a chemical imbalance that you need to adjust. It does wonders.

Burt

[gr8 day 2B alive]

dburt,

The last few days I have been feeling pretty good about myself.

Since I'm not obsessing with W actions I have reduced my stress dramatically. I feel as if a weight has been lifted off of my chest.

For the first time I realize what detaching and letting go really means.

I am looking forward to a more healthy me and if she needs to move on to be happy, then so be it.
I don't have ill feelings towards her. I wish her the best.

I don't think I could have wriiten this a few weeks ago.

Looking forward to yoga class too!

[dburt]

Fantastic!

Burt