Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[*KS*Chick*]

how're you doing gr8?

[gr8 day 2B alive]

KS
Thanks for checking in. I am not doing well at all.
W called to to discuss the meeting with the Mediator.

Told me about what Mediator will be able to do. W said she could represent both of us but I'm not too sure if I want that.

I told her I was hoping we could talk in person to discuss our IC but she said she didn't want to talk circles like we did last time. She added "What can you tell me now that's different from before?"

That's when I informed her about my anxiety problem and that it lead to many of my problems. I told her I was addressing my issues about my sleeping disorder too(Something she told me to do long ago) and she said I've been telling you that years ago.

I then proceeded to say "Let's go to the court house next week and get a no fault divorce. If that's what's going to make you happy." she replied "DON'T USE THAT MANIPULITIVE CRAP ON ME ANY MORE".

Other statements she said were:

I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't want to waste five more years to see nothing has changed.

I said to her "You words spoke volumes to me"

I get it, she want out with no possible reconciliation/

She is full of resentment and I can not SAY or DO or SHOW anything to soften her heart.

I will be going to the meeting with the mind set that it is truely over.

I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have any compassion.(She even said she doesn't- and that was about our kids when they misbehaved)

I am looking for closure now.

I will continue to take care of myself and know life will be better soon.

I am retiring at DB, hanging up my jersey without winning the championship.

[*KS*Chick*]

Oh.......well I don't really think you should give up so soon, but if you do I understand if you feel you've done all you can.

2x4 - don't jump to telling her "meet me in court" if you want to save it. DB isn't always about saving your marriage. Sometimes it's about saving yourself.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Rhanks KS.

W has said she is mentally checked out of M. Done trying to work on M.

I guess the only that really bothers me is the way she went about ending it.

In her mind she tried last year to fix M but I was unaware of her actions. Now I'm tryiing to save it and she knows, but sometimes it really is too little too late.

I don't know if she plans to file right away after the agreement is final but if she does I'm OK with it.

I am now feeling that I don't want to work on it any more.


I plan to to go to the meeting and declose everything and not be taken advantage of.

MAybe if she sees me moving on with life she may soften. MAybe Not.

I reread the chapter on LRT today and it even says rhings may not work out.
Also I read a=on this board about when women leave/Separate it usually is the end.

More men tend to go back women but not women to men.

Am I wrong on this??

What else can I do???

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Oh.......well I don't really think you should give up so soon, but if you do I understand if you feel you've done all you can.

2x4 - don't jump to telling her "meet me in court" if you want to save it. DB isn't always about saving your marriage. Sometimes it's about saving yourself.

It is all about me now and what's best for me.

[*KS*Chick*]

ok

[gr8 day 2B alive]

KS What do you think about the questions I had???

[*KS*Chick*]

well you kind of sound like you've made your mind up. I guess it depends on the fight in the dog. DB isn't just about saving your marriage. I am divorced but will tell you I am a success story IMO.

I should tell you that there are times - quite often in fact, that I am blunt, and possibly too blunt.

What have you done for you? What changes have you made for you? And for how long?

In her mind she tried last year to fix M but I was unaware of her actions. Now I'm tryiing to save it and she knows, but sometimes it really is too little too late.

How long did she try? How long did you try? I'm not trying to say it's tit for tat, but asking how long you have been putting forth the effort, compared to the length of the marriage, etc.

I am now feeling that I don't want to work on it any more.

I reread the chapter on LRT today and it even says rhings may not work out.

Also I read on this board about when women leave/Separate it usually is the end.

More men tend to go back women but not women to men.

Am I wrong on this??

What else can I do???

You're right. Things might not work out. And yet, somewhere, there will be a successful marriage out of this process. Have you checked the other spots on the board also? Piecing?

I'm not jumping you, just offering a different perspective...

If you're done, you're done. If you feel you've done all you can, and can move forward with no regrets, then you are done.

But just because she is ready to file.....doesn't mean it's done, and doesn't mean you are a failure. Those things she brought to light - should probably still be addressed for YOUR success.

Good luck gr8....with whatever you choose.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

KS

Last week was a bad week for me. It seems everything I try is dismissed and I just don't know what to do anymore.

I am at the point that I think I should just lay it all on the line.

maybe ask her out?

Write her a letter stating my goals in the M.

I know she is having a hard time adjusting to the greener side.
She is very family oriented and says she really does not want to do the bar scene.

I have checked out other forums here and just can't find anything to relate to my sitch.

I am an open book when it comes to ideas.

I was told by a friend that I am very analytical and maybe I was trying to appeal to her in that way.

He suggested that I try to appeal to her emotional side.
I like this but need ideas to how to act.


Can anyone make any suggestions?

I feel stuck and need help.

[*KS*Chick*]

The things you are doing - should be for you, not to impress her. Have you spoken at all? When is the mediator meeting supposed to occur?