Are you sure it is a good idea ..... to ignore this? ....not at this point. You know there are signs that something is "not right". Most of the guys here have been shaking their heads for a while. Now is not time to look the other way Maria. I am concerned that you do not trust him. Of course with all you have seen and read that is more than normal. The fact that he is not doing what it takes in my opinion to regain your trust does not help. Listen Maria, I do not want to add to your negative feelings. I think some things need to be said here however.....hopefully for your benefit and that of others. If your H goes away for a week and comes back and seems "distracted".....there is cause for concern. Again I am going with what you are writing here...I can't believe that he would have the stones to be smoking with someone else at the airport...where you work.....
Ahh, I'm sorry but sounds like you 'toughed' it out and tried.
Ok, I didn’t understand. I’ve been there, there were huge queues at passport control (even for Greek nationals?) and I guess its not surprising he may want to wait and smoke a cigarette when he just got off a long haul flight, being a smoker.. and he couldn’t do that if he went and queued (is that right??) and who was the other person on the trip.. you mean his business colleague, a man? He came through and told you H was downstairs??
All I can say is, ask him. Failing that, you have his password and access to his phone.. go through his messages/call log next time he takes a shower. Its reasonable to snoop in the early days to set your mind at rest.
Did he kiss you hello at least? xx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
That must hurt. Reunions are such a delicate time and it sounds like his body language was not reassuring in the slightest. I hope that the "stuck" energy shifts for both of you.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
No, no... I didnt think he was with someone. I thought he called someone to let them know he had landed safely and then felt too guilty to make eye contact...
John, I've told you so many times. I dont trust him. I dont think there is ONE person that would in my shoes and if there is one, I am not that one. I mean, this is what's supposed to be one the big issues now : trust. K
See, this is why I don't know how a lot of people make it through piecing. If it were me, any time Dan was 'unaccounted for' I would start smelling an OW...
Granted those who piece successfully are prob those whose spouses take actions to show that there is no reason to fear an OW (transparency, affection, words of support, etc.)
All I can say is, yuck K. This stinks. Pulling for you though...
That is interesting about the delay. Maybe someone called him. Maybe it was ex-OW. And since he knows you want NC, he doesn't want to talk about it. Or maybe it was from work and it was bad news (which could explain him not going to work too).
We could speculate all day and get nowhere.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Asking is a good idea instead of jumping to conclusions. The key is to not be accusatory so he feels he can tell you whatever it is that made him not have eye contact. Later ask, I noticed you were aloof when you left. Is there something bothering? Is there something we need to talk about? Actually try to rephrase it so that it is more open ended and not a yes/no question, but get him to talk about it so that maybe he can have the chance to reassure you.
It does sound fishy to me as well, but you never know what he is thinking so it is best to ask.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
I agree and I like the way you put that. I seem to get myself into so much trouble when I jump to conclusions. Get it out in the open and don't let it slide but do it in a kind manner.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I had access to H's laptop for the first time today. I went through it of course. He has some files saved from her, all dated before he "came back". What amazed me was her conviction (?) to have him. The men here will say it's a woman's thing but she was soooo persistent and even pathetic as she was trying to convince him I was the wrong choice. At the same time, I was telling him, he was free to go as he wanted all along.
She used the sex card alot. Apparently H had been saying our sex life was terrible because after she would use the kids card(!!!!), the kids will suffer in an unhealthy marriage, she would quote all sorts of books saying that a healthy sex life is important for a R. As if we didnt know that. I am now begining to worry more about our lack of intimate encounters. Because since I am still here, fighting, I want this to work. And so far, her words have come true. We have no sexual desire for each other... Got to do something about that and talking isnt gonna be it. K
PS I acted as if the whole time yesterday He brought me SPA lotions and bath milks, a really nice Tshirt, African necklaces and something for the house.
PS2 He has saved on his laptop, a few of my emails addressed to PC. The name of the file is not so "nice".
That has to hurt when you read those things that went on between them. Especially when they both talk about your intimate relationship with your H. This woman pulling the kid card is incredibly desperate and sick - I can totally understand your disdain for her. I dont know how you heal from reading these details.
