Back here, for the second time... #69

[Kalni]

I figured the only way he will start feeling stronger and able to relax in our home is if I remain consistent giving him while allowing him room to give me what he feels he can give. When we talk, I sound like I did when I was on full DB mode, upbeat, flirty, happy, warm, supportive. The Wall is there and I am sure he feels it but there are openings he misses.

Yetsreday I drove my dad to my uncle, 2,5 hours roundtrip. I didnt ask him to come along with ethe kids, my uncle would be I think cold to him but when he suggested he to come along, I didnt hesitate, I happily said "that would be nice, sure!!". My kids bailed out an dhe stayed with them in the end but he saw I in no way keeping him out of my family.

Today I woke up and prepared him a sandwich (his LL is AOS) although he left at 2 in the afternoon and I left at 8, I went to bed and kissed him tenderly to say good bye, I was snuggling with him last night even though he came in very late, I "allowed" him to pay for my shirt, which is something that I NOW realise makes him feel he offers things to me, something that I would NOT allow him to do all the years we were married (my things/clothes/gifts, etc would be paid ONLY by me) an dthanked him with a funny kiss when we came out of the store, I am now and then talking about future plans etc etc, I call him pet names when I call him on the phone, joke around him more and so on. For ME that is HUGE progress. He goes along and seems to enjoy it. I hope he soon figures out how to give back in ways I enjoy... When he left to S. Africa, he made it obvious he was taking with him the book of the 5 LL I asked him to read. I dont know if he read it. I think it would benefit us a lot...
K

[kat727]

But you do see the difference when you focus on being more content and work on you. You can control only yourself. While he does have to find his own way, you have said that eh follows your lead. Kalni is happy, H is more relaxed and getting happy.

Keep up the Good feelings".

kat

[MichelleLT]

That sounds like a weekend of positives!

And it's great that he took 5LL with him! Even if he didn't make it all the way through, the fact that he took it and is making an effort to read it it so positive!

Glad you are feeling content.

[awest1217]

What is most important is that you feel good and you feel good about you. Keep doing what you want to do and hopefully H will follow along.

[AliSuddenly]

Wow this jumped out at me! :
"I figured, we cant talk about these things right now. We first need to establish some kind of solid foundation/environment where we both will feel safe. I may be using the MC time for that and only then."

Yay, at last! This is a textbook Piecing approach I do believe and I'm so glad to read things are "on the up" if not yet won derful. And brulliant (and very sweet really) that he made the point of showing you he was taking the LL languages book with him.. even if he was too busy to read it (hopefully not).
Keep going you are on the right track!!
xxx

[faithisbelieving]

Perhaps...there IS LIGHT? FIB

[Kalni]

FIB, nothing has really changed since last time you felt it was hopeless. Only the way I look at it!

Today H took the kids to school because he woke up early and then got ready and left to drive to a city 4 hours away, the city that he went to on May 10 2007. May 13th when he came back I found that powerpoint email from her to him. They had been there together. He took our new one month SUV back then and took it to have it cleaned, it was brand new, less than a month's old actually. It struck me as odd and I guess thta's why I remembred I had his password. If I had been lucky, or patient I would found out the truth because she would have sent him more "private" emails. But I asked him that night and next day they set their private account... I was so close to having a nasty surprise and probably would have done something crazy...

I feel... upset. He didnt ask me to join him. He is coming back tommorow midnight, it's my Bday tommorow.

Whatever...
K

[kat727]

"FIB, nothing has really changed since last time you felt it was hopeless. Only the way I look at it!"

And right there is a huge change!! So yes there has been something major that has shifted. YOU!! You set the tone, the pace. You are taking back some control.

As for your birthday, do all the wonderful things you want to do and don't waste time thinking about why he isn't there.

kat

[AliSuddenly]

So he left today for a city and will be away tonight AND all day tommorow.. did he say anything about your birthday?? Did he remember? Say sorry he is not around? Left you a gift? Promised to call when you wake up? ..remember the silver shoes he left you last year..

It is a bit poor and it is bound to hurt, I dont know what to suggest to make you feel better about that. Did you make any plans for tommorow, or do you have to go to work, get the kids dinner etc.. or can you go out for lunch and for the evening? I hope so. I wish I was there to eat delicious greek food and have a small gas stove cooked coffee and maybe some beers to celebrate with you, British style! Really its a shame but I hope you will see your family/gf's, although its difficult midweek I guess when they all have children too. I hope he brings you back something or gives you a kiss tommorow, even if it is midnight!..cant he leave earlier??
xxx

[faithisbelieving]

Kalni:

Hronia polla. Haroumena genethlia and
hiliohroni !!!!

Sagapo.

FIB