thanks for chiming in. I'm struggling with coming up with things to get us laughing. Fun and laughter in our R has been missing for a very long time. I think when we first started out, I was usually the one to make her laugh more than the other way around. Right now, I am starting to recognize that I may be battling a pretty deep depression (I've taken some of the on-line questionnaires, and they all indicate major depression...see your doctor immediately). I'm hesitant to see a Dr about it because I am a pilot and treatment of depression is disqualifying (i.e. would ground me). As it is, flying is very therapeutic for me...at least until it comes time to pay the fuel bill. I'm trying to figure out how to pull myself up by the bootstraps while also pulling US up. MrsGGB is in counseling, which she mainly went for also due to depression. She was on citalopram, but stopped taking it because she didn't like how it made her feel nor the weight gain she was getting from it. Nothing is ever simple, is it?
I happened across your title, and was compelled to read back through this string of posts. I sympathize with and can relate very well to your situation.
I came aboard last fall claiming SSM and felt I had a WAW to some extent.Incidently, your wife and my wife would probably find they would have a lot to talk about.......if either one of them liked to share feelings that is.LOL!
I have been very fearful that for the last year or longer my wife has been having an affair M-F 6am-6pm only. I haven't had the heart or stomach (or even lower perhaps) to find out and now feel as though it could be all an elaborate construct in order to explain her lack of effort over the years. I can't decide if it is one or the other and have been stuck in the worst kind of limbo I can imagine. It would explain so much of the behavior of my wife that defies any explanation and fuels the unlikely but powerful possibility in my mind. I'm 42, married 13 years and only two kids in, but our stories have so many similarities (from the pre-wedding warning signs....to the sintilating 'medal count' during our week long honeymoon....to me flying a flight simulator computer game as if lives were at stake to try to shut out my resentment, suspicion and regret about the years of intimacy - from playfullness to foreplay and everything between - lost with the woman I so adore and still long for. I want to see only the positive and give her the benefit of the doubt.....I can't always get it done.
I'll wrap up soon I promise.
At the very least, I understand all you thoughts and am proud of you for living this way so long....are you right to? I don't know. But the vows and my kids and my wishes for the survival of this marraige for what does work between us so very well is what keeps me rolling with the punches for better and for worse.
By some miriacle my wife has agreed to go to conseling and I am guardedly optimistic that this at least can't hurt. The part in your post stream about "{making my wife feel the consequences of her decisions}' made me stop and think as I feel I haven't tried enough.
Lots of dishes, pride-swallowing, scoreboard-watching, kindness and meddling on my part --with-out any change from her-- have led us to a slightly lighter and less distant existance. I'll bet you marraige has gone through similar phases when things tick up ever so slightly and that is as far as you can seem to ever move the mountain.....thanks for sharing here and you are not alone. I feel you, man
Me:42 HD W:40 LD M 14 years S:6 D:2 SSM:11 years worst after children of course First suspisions of A: 4/10/09 confronted with circumstancial E: 9/11/09 she agrees to go to MC: 2/21/10
Hi GGB, I just got back from spring break - sorry it took so long for me to respond! Since both you and Mrs. GGB seem to be dealing with depression, finding light-hearted moments within yourselves might be difficult. I would therefore reiterate my suggestion to find laughter from an external source. When you weren't feeling depressed, what made you laugh? Was there a genre of movies or books or comedians? There must have been something that you loved to laugh at. Spend some time remembering what those things used to be, and then make it a goal to do one a week (to get started) and see how you respond now. Laughter not only bring levity to your relationship with Mrs. GGB but it will make you feel better too!
As for your depression in how it relates to your flying, why don't you go to a doctor and talk about your concerns with him/her? There might be some steps you can take (without prescriptions) which will not cause you to be grounded. Getting the information is always the best course of action because it gives you options.
