A few more questions I have... - Do I now start to push for separation? - She has not wore her ring in over 2 weeks. Do I now stop wearing mine? - Do I still continue with the LRT? and how do I implement it in such a situation.
It is tough to sit back and not speak up but anytime I do she brings up the past or just shuts me out. I am afraid no matter what I do it will simply push her to pursue OM more. If I carry on with my own life she then thinks I no longer care and so she will look to him for support once again. If I express my feelings she gets annoyed or defensive and turns into a monster. She has no where else to go for now so we are forced to live together. She also refuses to sit down and go over the paperwork when I bring it up because that is all she wants right now. She just tells me "I will take care of the paper work and serve it to you" rather than acknowledge my efforts to handle this like adults.
As I had mentioned despite the past month or being an emotional roller coaster, up till yesterday it seemed we were co-existing quite well, she spoke future tense and all was well considering the situation then she ended up doing this.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
1. IGNORE your wife telling you the marriage is over... its meaningless... ask mb28 on here how many times her husband has tried to drive her away ... just IGNROE what your WIFE is TELLING YOU
2. I still don't trust OM... he isn't giong to be honest with his wife in teh room, sorry to say...
3. They may just be VERY good at looking professional at work
4. Your wife is showing ALL the signs of an affair taking place... physical or at LEAST an emotional affair
5. Never mind your wife right now, you spoiled her affair on her... sh'es NOT going to be NICE to you right now... you just need to suck it up and keep acting responsibly like you have been
6. Just learn to shut her OUT when she's being childish and ranting... it takes practice.. do NOT engage immature commentary.. IGNORE it.
KEEP your ring ON Do NOT separate.. fight taht at ALL costs IGNORE her taking her ring off... she wanted the OM.. its a sign of an affair I reccomend a different technique calle Ghandi.. its on this forum a fair bit, i will add more later...
Do NOT talk about your marriage with her right now... give her space to process you challenging her affair... but do NOT allow the affair to happen.. get in the MIDDLE of it as MUCH as you CAN
Make sure EVERYONE knows you caught her lying and ask everyone you TRUST to keep their eyes on her.
Do NOT talk about your feelings right now. Do NOT talk to hr right now about anything except your kids (if any)
Give her some space, but do NOT let her go near OM at ALL... do NOT trust her, but do NOT bother her either.
I cannot stop her from going to work and communicating with the person. As of right now I strongly believe it is an emotional affair and hopefully I have stepped in just in time before it become something more. I am not sure how I can continue to get in the middle of the affair when now she has her own phone service and she could just technically just leave when she wants if I prevent her from doing so, it's controlling or restraining her and when I leave for work she can leave then and meet up.
I will do my best to just ignore everything about her right now and see how she comes around. We do not have children but we have a dog who we treat like a child and we both are attached too. She threw that in my face as well "You can have anything I just want the dog."
Today she has said "I want to sell the house" to "You can have the house" to "You can have anything you want just write it down I just want out."
I know what I've done in the past brought her to this point and I worked on me and then started to focus on us. Now not only am I fighting with the past and saving the marriage I am now battling the OM for her affection. For the past month besides talking to each other and going places together she has shut me out completely.
Last edited by OfficerInNeed; 03/04/1010:43 PM.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
you CAN stop her by telling HIM to stay away from her and getting your FRIENDS to watch them... AND his damn wife...
its called INFLUENCE... you exert as MUCH as you CAN on them to keep a DISTANCE... SHE may not listen toyou, but if HE knows he's being watched if HE knows his wife will turf his ass, and if he knows YOU are watching him... he may just tell her to keep away from him... it is called influence.
DO you have a lot of male friends? As a GROUP you pay a visit t his home and sit him down and tell him to LEAVE your WIFE ALONE... do NOT SPEAK with her...
If you get six big guys in his HOUSE pounding on his door telling him IN his WIFE's presence HUMILIATING him in PUBLIC to LEAVE your WIFE ALONE... he'll likely leave her alone...
its not just YOU, you need to get your posse together dude.
Never mind the phone... she can get her own service it don't matter.
STOP STOP STOP listening to what hse's SAYING righ tnow... MWD says in her FIRST PAGE of divorce remedy that your wpouse is giong to throw JUNK at you and to iGNORE IT.
No kids is ok, it means you are doin less damage to your home. you are NOT competing with this guy, this is YOUR wife and YOUR home... you tell him to BACK OFF and LEAVE her ALONE
You get EVERYONE you can to SUPPORT you in keeping a VERY CLOSE EYE on your wife ....do EVERYTHING you CAN to keep him away from your wife... you can't control your wife, but you can INFLUENCE HIM...
Does OM have kids?
Start campaigning his home, put up flyers all over his neighbourhood if you have to.... don't do anything without OMW's input though.. you don't want to tick her off
If you look at my display name that should give some indication of what my career is...I got a posse alright
He does have a kid (5 yo boy) and that is the reason why he returned home today because he doe snot want to lose his family. His wife has had it with him and is pushing divorce herself which might cause him to pursue my wife even more so.
I plan on calling the OMW again tonight and letting her know my intentions and have her push hard on her end to expose them as much as she can.
I will keep you updated, thanks for the advice and keep it coming.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Try to HELP the wife reconsider... become friends with her... help her work with her husband...
Try NOT to engage the OM, I would imagine that's too stressful for you to handle well.. you will likely do more damage.
I assume officer means police officer... if so, you have a LOT of INFLUENCE you can exert on him.
If I was hitting on another man's wife and I had six cops show up at MY DOOR IN UNIFORM and sit down with me and tell me to leave the wife alone I would DAM WELL DO IT
Puppy Dog Tails here knows how to wire up your wife's car with a GPS so you know where she is all the time too...
I would reccomend you get your posse to meet him at his home, just have them wait til his car is there, say a half dozen of them show up and tell him they want to have a "chat" with him
YOu get them to sit down and have a chat with him, you don't have to be there... you can sit in on teh phone if you want... but I think you will be far scarier if you AREN'T there...
Get his wife to work on him...
Your wife is gonna rant, let her rant all she wants
You keep your ring on and don't go near a divorce lawyer right now...
You make HER file, you make HER hire the lawyer and HER pay for all of that.. not to mention the pain and the nervousness etc.. that puts a HUGE mountain at her feet to climb... she's likley too much of a mess right now to do it
Just set a sample of a repsonsible adult... adults do NOT hang out with other men's wive's in secret wtihout putting that H in the loop....
in MY opinion that man has NO business listening to your wife's PRIVATE marital problems... there's a REASON professional marriage therapists need a LICENSE to practice.. and he AIN'T no THERAPIST
If your house is on fire, do you call a pulmber?
You tell that creep to mind is own business and if YOUR wife wants a shoulder to cry on she can find a family therapist.. that is what THEY do.
I would reccomend you find one FIRST, start going alone... set an example of adult behaviour for her to follow
And try to put that tail on her car if you can...
The amount of trust you extend to your wife right now is parallel to the amount of respect she shows you.. and not an OUNCE more trust than that... And right now she's showing you ZIP.
Oh, and you get your posse to tell him that the "chat" is PRIVATE .. and if he tells your wife about it he'll regret it...
Have someone harass him with parking fines regularly too until you know he's leaving your wife alone...
He needs to KNOW he's being WATCHED... it will keep him AWAY...
Between your "posse" and OM wife I think you an keep your wife away from him...
If ANY of your friends at her workplace see them together talking have them BREAK the talk up.. just tell them to go over and say hello and to talk to the OM and to STEER him AWAY from your wife...
If OM knows EVERYONE around him is WATCHING him he will behave.. paranoia can work wonders.. you just need to stir his imagination up a bit so he knows how much of a thraet you are... right now he doen'st think you ARE a threat at ALL.. SHOW him you ARE.
