Need a Plan for My Marriage

[Steve McQueen]

I would appreciate any and all help. I believe that marriage has a chance.

dolla dolla bill ya'll.

I will give ya the same advice my daddy gave me.

"Get your $hit together, son!"

Get a job! Busting the affair is not the greatest of your worrys. Your wife has a taste of the sweet life. In her position right now life is good. She is growing, learning, her self respect is HIGH; her confidence is HIGHER. She is out of the house enjoying herself.

Now, what do you have in common with her? What is your selling point? How are you going to impress her?

Imagine this. The OM dumps her. She comes crawling back home with her tail between her legs. Super. Right? Then she wants to go out. Dinner and drinks. You carrying hundreds or a wad of twentys? I dont know what town you live in but here we leave our money on the bar when we're drinking. How big is your pile? IT IS A BIG DEAL!

[LSG]

After I have exposed their infidelity to the OMW likely to happen today or tomorrow. Then I have some other plans that will stop them in their tracks and protect me and my kids. This is first and foremost on my mind at the moment. My kids are already suffering enough from this. I do not plan to let this sitch affect them anymore than it needs to from my wife's selfishness. I am feeling more empowered and in control just thinking about the steps I am taking. I plan to detach more as well. I do hope this leads to a positive conclusion with my M surviving and being better than ever. I do not think this is wishful thinking. Others here have done, and I want to have marriage survice too.

[Greek]

I would appreciate any and all help. I believe that marriage has a chance.

dolla dolla bill ya'll.

I will give ya the same advice my daddy gave me.

"Get your $hit together, son!"

Get a job! Busting the affair is not the greatest of your worrys. Your wife has a taste of the sweet life. In her position right now life is good. She is growing, learning, her self respect is HIGH; her confidence is HIGHER. She is out of the house enjoying herself.

Now, what do you have in common with her? What is your selling point? How are you going to impress her?

Imagine this. The OM dumps her. She comes crawling back home with her tail between her legs. Super. Right? Then she wants to go out. Dinner and drinks. You carrying hundreds or a wad of twentys? I dont know what town you live in but here we leave our money on the bar when we're drinking. How big is your pile? IT IS A BIG DEAL!

Steve McQueen...is RIGHT...about this!
Greek

[LSG]

Hi Greek,

I am actively seeking a job everyday. I know this is important. Any ideas you have give them to me. It is not as easy as just wanting one. I have been doing everything possible and interviewing with many companies. Competition is fierce and there are many people that have more experience. I am doing everything possible to change this situation. You say I need a job and your right, but tell me some more ideas to do more than I am doing.

Thanks

[Greek]

So what are your hobbies? What do you do FOR YOU? Have you let those hobbies go - if so, pick 'em back up now. Get out there and Get A Life (GAL). Do things that edify you, strengthen you, please you. Invite her - and if she says no - do it anyway.

Example (you seem to be an "example" kind of guy ) You used to bike when y'all were dating and early married. But life, kids, schedules and the bikes have dust and cobwebs on them in the garage. Pull the bike out, spruce it up and go. Then go again. Then tell her about the amazing trail you found and would she like to go. Yes? Great! Then spruce her bike up for her. No? Oh - ok! See ya!

Something like that.
Greek

[LSG]

Hi Greek,

I appreciate all the help. I am doing my best to find a job. I know it is important. I have made some bad choices and would have a job if I had done what I thought was best instead of listening to her and putting her and her career first. That is my mistake, and I am paying for it now. She made so many negative comments and told me I could do better so I passed on some good opportunities which I will never do again. It has made my experience become a problem in the interview process. I am educated and able, but I need the chance to prove that. I am in a very competitive area even for jobs that do not require the amount of education I have. That has been a problem because I am over educated. I do not have the opportunity to GAL because someone has to make sure the kids are cared for. Everyone can tell me what i need to do and I will agree fully. She nis never home, so I take care of kids and that is most important. They need stabiity especially now. That is not an excuse,. It is just reality for me and them at the moment. I do have some recruiters helping me fully. I have put her first to much, and now she is having an affair. I could explain more, but it always comes back to me being the problem when I have put her and my family first. We always made decisions together. Now she blames me for the the problems. I don't ask her anymore. I will do what I need to and want to for my career. I don't care if agrees or not. I hope I do not come off angry or making excuse. It is just the reality of the situation that I hope to explain as clear as possible.

[robx]

She is never home, so I take care of kids and that is most important. They need stabiity especially now. That is not an excuse,. It is just reality for me and them at the moment.

Are you a prisoner in your own home?
You mean you aren't allowed to go out without the kids?
She is never home?
Are you documenting this and how long it's been going on?
Tell her that she has to stay home 1 or 2 nights a week with the kids, you have to get out and stretch your legs a bit - you're not asking for her permission, you're telling her that she has to do this, she's there parent just as much as you are, if she isn't willing to do this tell her you'll pursue full custody of the kids since she doesn't want to take care of them - seriously!

[LSG]

Hi robx,

No I am not a prisoner in my own home. She is gone from 8 to 8:30 pm Monday throught Friday, and on the weekends she wants to take the only car have go with the kids at least one day. The other day I have to go shopping for groceries, etc. so we can eat. I know you don't understand my situation, and I don't expect you to. I am not here to justify my decisions to anyone. I am just trying to ask for advice on my marriage, not on whether I should have a job. I know I need one more than anyone here will ever imagine. I go bed at around 2 and wake up at 5:45 am everyday. I look for jobs, take care of the kids, and come here for some relief from the situation to only find that I am being criticized. I have told her that I need to do some tings for myself but she says her job comes first. I can see from th responses here that I should not stop her from doing her job since she is the bread winner. I try to respect that. I really don't know what more to say on this subject. It is so frustrating to me. I do take the car during the day to interview, but she makes such a fight that I just do it as little as possible except for interviews or take care of our bills, so our credit stays good. I would interview and do more, but we don't have the money for daycare. My kids have to eat too. Our rent is half of her income, and that does not leave much left over. I have friend that lets me pay him later when I have the money for daycare, so I can go to job interviews. There is so much more I could say, but I don't want to come off as ungrateful for everyone's genuine concern for my situation.

I do really underand what everyone is saying, and I do appreciate all the comments.

Thank you!

[Greek]

Hi robx,

on the weekends she wants to take the only car have go with the kids at least one day. The other day I have to go shopping for groceries, etc. so we can eat.


I have told her that I need to do some tings for myself but she says her job comes first.

I do take the car during the day to interview, but she makes such a fight that I just do it as little as possible except for interviews or take care of our bills, so our credit stays good.

LoveSick ~
Yeah, it's about the job - some of it is, anyway. And I do believe that you are doing your best to solve that problem.

But MOST of this is about the ABOVE quotes. She is running your life - telling you what you can/can't do. And when a woman is doing that, you just know there is no respect there. And it's not just about you not having a job. It's about how you just lay down and take this disrespectful treatment. Does she not think for a minute that you might NEED the car to take care of yourself/job hunt/ just get the hell out of Dodge? No- she thinks only of herself b/c you are a nonentity for whom she has no respect. And you allow her to persist in that.

Unemployed or not - it really doesn't make a diff to me. Either way, you will have to insist on her respect or it's over. You insist on her respect by putting the brakes on her over the top selfish behavior.

Greek

[LSG]

Hi Greek,

You are right she does not have respect for me or her family. At this point is all about her. I have been gaining my respect, but allowing her to do her own stuff when she comes home. I grew up that you provide support in the areas you can and vice-a-versa, so I have tried to that. I don't do that anymore because I really don't care.

She told me yesterday that she had a working dinner and would be late. I will probably be around 11 pm. I just said okay because I don't want to be around her these days anyhow. I can have some time to take care of myself without her and while the kids are asleep. Oh, the piece and quiet is bliss.

It is about the job I know for a large part!

I have done that, and it only makes matters worse for me. At least now I take the car and get what I want and need done without her poor behavior as much. She now says thank you and is doing that more since I quit doing as much for her. It is a start but I have a long way to go.

Keep the comments coming, and I will explain my shortcomings in more detail.