I can understand if she has an Emotional Affair but definitely not a physical one. 100% sure on that. She has really, really, REALLY high morals when it comes to lying. I hope you can trust me on this one.
Yep. I thought that is what you might say. Sorry to say that I don't trust you on this, but it is your life and I know you really think you know. I really can't help you because I believe I am right and you are wrong. No biggie. I would have hoped you could have trusted me on this one. My diagnosis is not the one you have. Seems to me that even though she has most all of the symptoms of cancer you seem to think she has heartburn and you insist that rolaids will be the cure. I highly doubt that is the case.
She IS having an affair. Emotional one though I don't know how physical it has been as she met the guy when we were on holiday. He's an old boy friend from high school.
He is not here. He's miles and miles away and they only talk on the web.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Pls don't get upset man. Pls put yourself in my shoes. I was in denial but just confirmed it, I feel shocked and terrified. I need help, pls, don't walk away now. I'll shut up and listen, pls.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
The other thing I need to ask is, should I then ask the painful question next saturday? "Is there someone else?"
Nope. Don't ask. Waste of time...
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Should I then assume there is already? Isn't one of the principles of DR "Act as if" ?
Don't take "Act as if" out of context. If you KNEW she was having an affair do you think that you should "act as if" she isn't having one?
I think you need to assume that her having an affair is a solid definite possiblity. Yes. Why? BECAUSE the symptoms are there that she is. Not wanting to work on the relationship is a huge red flag. If there was NOT someone else on her mind, then she would be willing to give it a try. After all, you have given her flowers, been romantic, told her you love her, made changes you thought she wanted, etc. etc... It doesn't make sense for her not to at least try UNLESS you factor in that there is someone else. It then makes total sense why she doesn't want to try. Same as you don't want to try to have a relationship with some woman who you have no feelings for. Even if a woman told you she wanted you right now and would do anything you wanted to be with you. You would be telling her you just are not interested. Why? Because of YOUR interest in your wife. THAT is the key here in what is going on in her mind beneath the surface that she isn't going to divulge to you. She is just going to keep telling you it is too late and she needs her space and yada yaday yada.
She is just going to keep telling you it is too late and she needs her space and yada yaday yada.
Then what should I do now that I've just confirmed it? Pretend that it didn't happen? just that? pretend?!!! I shouldn't ask her and let her think I'm just buying the other stuff?
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Woops.. I wrote my last post before I saw that you confirmed the affair. I am sorry for you. I know it hurts.
We do now have the correct diagnosis though. Now you can treat this with the correct medication.
For now, take this all in and try to seek balance from this initial shock. Please don't contact her while you are in this frame of mind. Others will pick you up on this site. Do nothing for the time being.
