WAW and the law of attraction

[gucci loafer]

Thanks so much for this. I appreciate you telling me about the power I have.
For years I wouldn't realise that. I feel empowered now, crushed but empowered. I thought i was the disapointement of this marriage and turns out she ended up being who messed up worst.

Great attitude. The TRUTH shall set you free. You are getting to the truth. You can deal with the truth. It hurts deeply at first, but it is the fastest way to heal once it is out in the open.

[FormelyknownasF]

Then expect her to respond in more anger. Let her. Just say no more and stand by your original statement. Get those things done NOW. Exposing will be done as soon as we can find out how to contact the OM's wife. If you wait, you are running the chance of HER taking ALL of the money FIRST.

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I have to say something about the money. This are our life savings. Her father's wedding gift to us. And also let's not forget the fact that she supported me financially for almost 3 years. I've been supporting us for just one year.

Thats why I feel guilty about the money. And no, she would not take all the money, she proposed that we'd divide it in half and I told her I wasn't prepared for that a month ago.


Now, I'm reading the whole tread again and I'm getting lots of mixed messages.

Mixed messages

1. Should I cancel the phone line or not as of monday? Or two days before exposing?
2. Should I change my paycheck (payday is 25 March)? Or should I just move the money as soon as it lands in the account? She'll see that I did this right away, if i can get it moved to a different account from work she won't notice as soon.
3. Should I go dark ? Or reply when she asks why I didn't call her to arrange the meeting as we agreed?

4. Should I split the money in half then and when she calls say I decided I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me? Or I don't move the money until right before exposing?


Not scared anymore that she gets angry, now all im trying to do is not blowing my cover and tip her off unconciously. If she knows, the OM knows and he might prevent the OM W.

[Dudess]

She isn't going to care if he knows. She thinks she is in love with the OM. Deeply in love. When he changes the accounts and stops paying on the phone bill etc..

She will call him in anger. She won't be thinking any such thoughts that he will expose. Remember. She thinks that the OM is leaving his wife, so exposing isn't going to enter her mind. She already thinks it IS exposed and that they are going to be happy ever after...(and it very well may be exposed. We want to KNOW for a FACT if it is. The only way to get that as a fact is to talk to the only person who can answer that. The OM's wife.) We need to know before we proceed to the next plan.

I agree with gucci that your W won't care. My concern is that if OM is lying about what his wife knows, raising suspicion at this point could result in a change of password and loss of access to information which could help track down OM's wife.

Print the emails. And copy and paste to your own email too.

[FormelyknownasF]

[quote=gucci loafer] The only way to get that as a fact is to talk to the only person who can answer that. The OM's wife.) We need to know before we proceed to the next plan.

Im waiting until is very late at night to go into her email accounts so she won't even know im doing this.Then will print and copy all evidence. Will print and copy pictures, etc. Flowers he sent to her, etc.

But again I have to say this is proving really difficult the wife thing cos the OM is based in two locations. one the US the other Latinamerica. So Im thinking he's in Latinamerica working and maybe the wife in MIAMI. That way he got away with the affair while my wife was there IN OUR ANNIVERSARY TRIP.

Now I understand that when she said she was sleeping over at her friend's house she wasn't. She lied to me about caring about her mom and wanting to be with her. LIED.

I also need to ask about when should I expose this to her family. Her mom and dad are divorced and I have a very good relationship with them. Her dad will be crushed cos he suffered through this in her past marriages.

[gucci loafer]

Thats why I feel guilty about the money. And no, she would not take all the money, she proposed that we'd divide it in half and I told her I wasn't prepared for that a month ago.

Just take your half then. Doesn't matter. Even if you take it all, it is only to protect YOU and show her that you are getting some backbone. You can still divide it up properly later. Better that you are in control of it than her right now. If she is using that account for things now and has been since this started, she is slowly leaving you with less of a total for you to get half of. This means that she is SPENDING part of YOUR HALF. Think about that. You don't have to take what is hers, but you do need to get what is yours.

I would cancel the phone and do the banking right away. However, I don't think it is a so crucial that a day or so would make a difference. So that is not a big deal which way you decide.


As far as going dark. Yes. For now. She is going to contact you, so dark isn't really an issue. Just make sure you let her contact you. You seem smart enough to think of some lame brained excuse to postpone the meeting. There are thousands of excuses.

I am sick
I can't make it, can we reschedule.
I have to work
I can't make it that day, let me call you back when I know my schedule....

The list of excuses is endless. Matter of fact, read some of the other threads and see what a wayward spouse uses as an excuse and just pluck one of theirs. Seems to work well for them. Most BS's on this site fall for them consistently without a question asked.

[Dudess]

I also need to ask about when should I expose this to her family. Her mom and dad are divorced and I have a very good relationship with them. Her dad will be crushed cos he suffered through this in her past marriages.

First things first. Find the wife.

BTW Fracesc, I think you are doing fantastic given that you found out about the affair 8 hours ago.

[Gnosis]

Frac, I'm going to say this one more time: C A L M D O W N

You seem to be under the impression that this is a race when it's not. Time and patience are your allies here. THERE IS NO RUSH.

Do NOT do a thing until you have a PLAN OF ACTION established and have weighed the consequences. You are firing off response after response after response. This signifies PANIC and EXCITEMENT. i.e. you're swinging on the opposite site of the emotional pendulum.

It is absolutely IMPERATIVE that you get yourself on an even keel. The 4C's: Cool, calm, collected and confident. You have nothing to fear.

- Pull out a notepad and pen
- Go back an re-read every bit of advice.
- Make notes and formulate your plan
- Gather your questions
- Let things sink in

Then come back here to post your questions and share what you think your plan should be. You have been given great advice so far. Some of it is tactical, some of it strategic. This is why you don't go off half-cocked. Every action you take will have consequences (GOOD and BAD) this is why you need to prepare yourself for it. You prepare so there will be no surprises.

A lot of people go in half-cocked and unprepared. I don't want to see this happen to you. Sure you are going to make mistakes. We all have. You have the advantage that you are open to listening to people that have walked the path you're about to take.

When your plan is up there we will see it and can advise you on more or less what to expect. So calm down. This is just the beginning of a long process. The less mistakes you make the sooner you can dig yourself out of this hole.

[gucci loafer]

Yes he is doing well isn't he Dudess...

Excellent job today France. We all know how much it hurts, but we also know that you MUST find balance as soon as possilbe. You are doing great...

I won't be on here too much longer today, but the wagons have been circled around you.....

Get the plan together. It seems to be coming together already. Good job.

[FormelyknownasF]

I would cancel the phone and do the banking right away. However, I don't think it is a so crucial that a day or so would make a difference. So that is not a big deal which way you decide.

1. Just remembered that I need to check if i can do the phone thing without canceling the broadband first. The broadband is in her name. That's my only worry. I could cancel the payment directly from the bank and get the line cut but god nows how many months will that take.

2. Banking is still a big thing. She knows I wouldn't do that. Again, I'm saying this not cos im scared but because she'll suspect something is weird. And even if I do that tonight, she'll be asking me for an explanation tomorrow. Maybe it's best if I wait until monday so she's knackered from work and wont check the balance in at least a week.

All i want to have is the right answers. I don't want to make her suspicious about me stealing all the money. Family and other nasty things will be involved if I do that. I'd be the [censored] and I do want her to be the [censored] and that everybody could see that later.

[FormelyknownasF]

BTW Fracesc, I think you are doing fantastic given that you found out about the affair 8 hours ago.

Thanks but in all honesty i was in denial until Gucci and the guys opened my eyes and I got the strenght to log into her emails. But I kind of suspected from her facebook status when she went ahead of me for our holiday. She posted something like:

1. "Sometimes a door you thought you closed actually stayed open" (ex boyfriend)

2. I hate my self for loving what I shouldn't and falling out of love with what i should be in love.

3. Love is supposed to be effortless. If you need to try and love someone, it's not working.