Moving on with my life #2

[Startingover2]

LOL...my friend just called and said that exh just put single as his status on FB! Then MGF commented and said "That really hurts ex. I loved you so much"

I thought he may be cycling again! This is the time I better watch out cuz he may be wanting to feel that 'daddy' feeling again.

[Startingover2]

Today so far is better..Baby seems to be feeling on the mend. I could use some more sleep, but that will come someday This time change has messed with me a bit. Takes a few days to adjust. I do love the longer days and being outside later.

Preparing myself for the current part of exh's cycle. He most likely had a binger weekend, broke up with MGF for whatever reason, feels a need to change his life again, and will most likely try and make more contact here to feel good about himself. I am not going to deviate from anything I have been doing. Staying on course. No special treatment.

[Startingover2]

Dang! Physically I am being hit hard this week. Besides baby's medical issue this weekend that caused little sleep, the time change, and now I have a cold! I feel like I got hit by a truck. I have been able to function on almost no sleep for awhile now, but this week I feel horrible. I hope it passes soon. I haven't been able to get up to study in 2 days.

Exh sent some texts in the morning yesterday..

Exh: How is baby today?
Me: She is getting better.
Exh: I am sorry I wasn't there.
Me: Me too. It was awful.
Exh: I am so sorry.

I didn't respond from there. He apologized and it couldn't go anywhere from there but me telling him it was ok he was MIA. That is most likely what he wanted. I know he feels like crap for not being there, let alone not remembering the call. Sad thing is it won't change him. He will feel bad for a few days and then go right back to where he was.

Then last night he sent a funny text! Funny because he was trying to cover himself:

Exh: How is baby now?
Me: She is ok.
Exh: Ok, well I will be at home all night alone if you need me.
Me: Ok.

HAHA! Too little too late exh! You have put your ****, your ego, and your beer ahead of baby and missed the important things with her.

Oh, btw! He missed his visit yesterday. No call. No text until later last night. But no explanation of why he missed.

Babys bday is next week. I spent the past few days remembering the last few months of my pregnancy and how I was feeling with her. I was so excited! At this point of the pregnancy things were good with exh..he was holding it together for the most part. Didn't last long though. Looking back. I should have just done all of this on my own without him..I don't know why I thought marriage was going to change him. Then when I got pregnant, I was even more stupid to think a child would change him.

Ok, need lots of coffee. Beautiful day here today! In the 80's!

[Startingover2]

Just got home from music class. When we pulled into the little parking lot where the class was, I saw exh's work truck parked there. He was working in the vicinity of her class. He saw us and came out and visited baby for literally 2 minutes. He was friendly and nice. I was in a hurry. It was awful to see him! He went back inside and then when he left, he was with his exbil (who he works with). I watched out the window and the exbil made some sort of rude gesture toward where I was in the window. Whatever.

Then a couple of the moms saw me looking and asked if that was her dad..I said yes. One mom said omg he is so cute! I wanted to throw up. Then another mom said oh, I didn't know that was baby's dad! My older daughter is friends with his other daughter. He seems so nice and is such a good dad! WTF! No he is not! He is a horrible man! I just smiled and said looks can be decieving! I hate when people tell me how cute he is or what a good guy he is. He has put us through hell.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey, good for you to prepare yourself for when you know H comes out of the woodwork.

and I'm really sorry other people say that about him. I think I'd be asking..."why do you think that?" or "that would be nice". you probably did the right thing though, but that would irritate me too. I would want to know what facts they are basing this on.

but, regardless, you are doing better, and it doesn't matter what they think.

[Startingover2]

I think the strange part is not so much the 'nice guy' comments as I know exh is a different guy in public, but the ones that tell me how cute he is! This woman that said it was also newly single and my first thought was "oh, are you going to go after him TOO!?". I also wouldn't tell a woman who has been deeply hurt by her exh that he was cute! She knows the story too, just never had a face to go with it. I swear my sister is right that the women here are so tacky and desperate.

[Startingover2]

Yep..the cycle has shifted.

Exh stopped by for something work related. We started talking about baby's bday and he asked if we could bbq here with our kids before the family showed up. I just said that I didn't think that was a good idea. He must have thought because of MGF..and he said she is out of his life and hasn't talked to her in 3 days and if she ever threatens me again to let him know. I played stupid and asked what happened. He just said she is crazy. Whatever! Doesn't phase our situation either way.

He also asked us to go to his d15's track meet tomorrow. I almost made a comment that ohhhh now that MGF is out of the picture for now he wants his family around. I held back. I said thank you for asking but I will be out of town most of the day.

Oh boy...here we go!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hmmm. I almost feel like you could use the opportunity to say something...

"H, I do appreciate your offer, but we cannot just be a part of your life when you aren't seeing someone. I think the best thing for us is to stick to the agreement we have in place. D needs to have her life be as consistent as possible and that is what I am trying my best to do"

but you have made some really great decisions up till now, so you do whatever feels best for you.

I wish wish wish you could move. those people there are pathetic and not thinking about your feelings.

[Startingover2]

Heeeessss baaaaaaacccckkk!

Hes alone and now wants to be Father of the Year!...that is until he gets back with MGF or some other woman.

He came for a visit yesterday and we played happy family for 2 hours! I didn't mean to play happy family, but they just kept coming into the room I was at. We went on a walk with baby and had the usual conversations of gloating over their child only parents have. Never once mentioned MGF or the situation.

At one point we were talking about my S16 and his D15 who are still great friends and still consider themselves sister and brother. Anyway the conversation was how we feel about thier social lives and how different it is. He said "I would love to go back to the football/Taco Bell days and have do overs with my life". I asked what that meant...he said back 6 years ago when we met..He was my sons football coach when he was 10 and we would take all 5 of the kids to Taco Bell afterwards and they thought it was wonderful. Kids were little and life was simpler. Yeah well, there aren't do overs and you made a disaster out of everyone's life.

Late last night he sent "Night to you and baby".
I didn't respond.

Here we go. How long will it last? 1 week? A month? 2 months?

[Startingover2]

He has been wanting to be around alot. Finally when he was here earlier I asked 'what is with the new exh?" He said that he is concentrating on his girls. I said I remember hearing that before but it never lasts. Whatever.

So my pool cover motor flooded during that last huge rain we had and the 'board' (not sure if that is the right term) blew up. I need a new one. I replaced it once before and it was $1000 with labor. The part is about $600. Exh looked at it before the pool people did and said what it was. Exh said if I got the part from the pool people he can install it. So, should I have him do it and save the $400? Or just bite the bullet and pay the pool people? I hate spending that kind of money as it is, but not sure what to do. I hate to be 'owing' him anything, but it sure would be nice to save a few hundred dollars! UGH!