WAW and the law of attraction

[FormelyknownasF]

Gucci,

Haven't sent any msg yet. But I need to time this right.

I know what you mean about letting the full shock come to OM W all at once but FB direct message can only be short and quick. I can't attach any evidence. Like photos, emails, chat logs, etc. This needs to happen via email and if I make her curious enough, she might just give to me. I also can provide my mobile phone number but still evidence needs to be shared via email in this case.

More questions about this on my Plan's draft Later today.

Thanks Gucci!

[FormelyknownasF]

[quote=Steve McQueen]Fracesc, tell us more about this Law of attraction forum your wife is into. I am interested in what they have been saying to her.. [/b]

http://www.abraham-hicks.com/lawofattractionsource/index.php

This is her UBBER spiritual leader. All the info should be there. If I'd sum up everything in one sentence "You should be happy no matter what. How joyful YOU feel about things determined if you're on the right track. Be selfish. Be responsible for your own happiness and you'll be fine"

She's had 3 years of that brainwash.

And I hear you, Steve. Maybe I gave that impression in the beginning on my first post but believe me, I'm discerning enough to let her go when time is right. Just not with a married 50 yo guy with wife and two kids. I'm doing this to protect my marriage and stop her from screwing her life as her best friend did. I owe that much to her. I still care about her well being and right now, THIS, what I'm doing with your support is the best chance I have to do exactly that.

But don't worry, not holding to anything here. Specially now.

[FormelyknownasF]

Nope.

Give 'em both barrels.

This needs to be a BIG BANG!!

Not a sad, strung out little whimper.

And I assure you this is her on FB. Even if it isn't, so?

Oh, and copy a message to her sister as well.

Sorry K, can you clarify on the two barrells? who do you mean by 'em? the "happy couple"?

You suggest that I copy the sis with the EXACT msg?

"Your husband XXXX and my wife XXXX have been unfaithful to us. Look her up, she's a friend of him here on FB. Those flowers on her FB profile were sent by him to her. Your H been telling my W that he doens't love you and he's just staying for the kids but he'll leave them soon to come with her to XXXX. Are you aware of this? I know this will be hard to believe but I do have hard evidence if you're willing to know the truth. You deserve it. Contact me: (phone number + email address)."

To the sister I was thinking of saying "I have something very important to tell your sister XXXX. She doens't know me but It's crucial that she checks her FB account today. Pls let her know this"

[Kimmie Lee]

"Both barrels" means you fire both barrels of a double-barreled shotgun. In fact, I would use a sawed-off shotgun!

What can I say? It may not translate well across the pond.

On second thought, think, "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels."

One of my faves!

[robx]

[quote=Steve McQueen]Fracesc, tell us more about this Law of attraction forum your wife is into. I am interested in what they have been saying to her.. [/b]

http://www.abraham-hicks.com/lawofattractionsource/index.php

This is her UBBER spiritual leader. All the info should be there. If I'd sum up everything in one sentence "You should be happy no matter what. How joyful YOU feel about things determined if you're on the right track. Be selfish. Be responsible for your own happiness and you'll be fine"

She's had 3 years of that brainwash.

And I hear you, Steve. Maybe I gave that impression in the beginning on my first post but believe me, I'm discerning enough to let her go when time is right. Just not with a married 50 yo guy with wife and two kids. I'm doing this to protect my marriage and stop her from screwing her life as her best friend did. I owe that much to her. I still care about her well being and right now, THIS, what I'm doing with your support is the best chance I have to do exactly that.

But don't worry, not holding to anything here. Specially now.

Even on these forums, people misinterpret the information and advice given so I'm not surprised to hear this happened to your wife on that other forum.

People should be responsible for their own happiness, I believe in that, I also believe in being selfish but look at the word "selfish" before you give it a bad meaning, "self" -ish, I love me and being me, that means I'm selfish, I love my self, it doesn't mean steal from others or take advantage of others or do bad things to other people to gain in profit for yourself at the expense of others, it means take care of yourself. This is where your wife and I'm assuming countless others make their mistakes.

And as far as you being discerning enough to let her go when the time is right but not with a married 50 year old guy sounds controlling, she's making her decision to do what she wants and she's in her WAW fog, I'll grant you that, but in the end you can only control you, not her.

[Kimmie Lee]

Hmmm....well, now you have a good comeback for her. Tell her it "makes you happy" to take steps to save your marriage, once you expose her and her A.

Bwahahahahaaaa!!!

Ok, jk. Sort of....

[FormelyknownasF]

And as far as you being discerning enough to let her go when the time is right but not with a married 50 year old guy sounds controlling, she's making her decision to do what she wants and she's in her WAW fog, I'll grant you that, but in the end you can only control you, not her.

Really interesting.... because I've been asking myself what's my motivation for doing this now? I don't even know if I'm ever going to get over the cheating, sex involved, etc It hurts a lot. Dunno if I can ever trust her again.

But I would love to gain some focus here. Why am I doing this? I care about her and is in her best interest sounds kind but kindness has only brought me to this stage. All I know is I don't want to see her throwing her life to the shitter.

I could easily turn and walk away from this. I don't feel any guilt. My life could just restart, I'm rediscovering this "new me" I had forgotten and I love it. She's with a married man? So be it, it's her life, not mine.

But I'm still willing to go through this s-storm for her even that in the end we don't end up together. Why?

[FormelyknownasF]

Hmmm....well, now you have a good comeback for her. Tell her it "makes you happy" to take steps to save your marriage, once you expose her and her A.

Bwahahahahaaaa!!!

Ok, jk. Sort of....

sounds great, thanks k

[FormelyknownasF]

Wife just texted.

"You didn't call as you said. Are you ok?"

First time in more than 1 month she asks "are you ok?"
She never asked that even when I was at the doctors
after she dropped the bomb.

Haven't replied or intend to just passing you intel.

[FormelyknownasF]

Ok, this is the plan I've put together with Gnosis, Gucci's, Kim and all of you guys kind advice. Long post, really sorry. I tried to break it down so it's easier to read. Need to get some work done so I won't be checking the thread for the next 5 hours but do pls reply. I need all the strength and wisdom I can gather.

EXPOSING PLAN

WHEN?
FRIDAY 26 MARCH EVENING

Why?
- Surprise factor: W expects to have the "final chat" with me on Sat. So it's me calling the shots there. I DECIDE WHEN WE TALK, NOT YOU.
- Shock factor" W will be tired after work, long commute, etc she'd have plans to meet OM who will "give her strenght" to dump me the next day.
- Time difference can play on my favour. By the time she knows. OM will be at work, won't be able to take her call even if she tries to contact him.
- OM will be confident that he'll be able to offer comfort once he's home but he'll find his W whose already been exposed to the affair.
-


HOW?
SEQUENCE

1/2 Hrs prior exposing W: take all the money off the joint account and put it into mine.

1. Expose W (Public place, far from home so she has to take the subway and won't be able to communicate with anyone then would come home to find phone line has been taken down)

2. Expose Family.
- Expose to Father in Law, he's more likely to be supportive and not take her daughter's side.
- Then mother.
- Then Sister (she'll be shocked and she'll hesitate but side with my W. She can be crucial as she could be my INTEL after this is over.)
- Then cousin and his partner (they're our only family where we live and have helped us both a lot. Both well off and are very litigious. They love her so much. I need to be care on how I approach them. They like me. I just need to find out how much they're willing to trust me.

(I NEED TO WORK OUT A "SPEECH" FOR EACH OF THEM, WORDS WILL BE CRUCIAL HERE SO THEY DON'T THINK I'M JUST BITTER AND WANT TO PUNISH HER. WORKING ON THAT DRAFT)


3. Expose OM W:

Time zone difference will play in my favour in here as they are 6 hours behind us.

- Only thing I need to take care of is that OM W would OPEN the package EXACTLY that day. And I have no way of making sure of that. Timing will be EVERYTHING HERE.


WHAT?
Evidence I have collected:

- A picture of them together taken in February.
- A chat transcript where they talk about OM W, me, Children, that they've been kissing their mouths "accidentally" for awhile. etc and officially starting the affair on March 4. There are suggestions that they have been intimate (he talks a lot about her body)
- Facebook screen grab of she getting flowers and an email from her friend's confirming that it was from OM but she aided him so I wouldn't find it they were from a man.
- Several emails to her BF discussing the relationship e.g. she talks about having webcam talks and how he looks "so in love with her".
- Email screen cap from he to her with the chat transcript.
- Email screen cap with him attaching an mp3 song he composed to her "The perfection of your body"

4. Going back to W place and collect the rest of my belongings, marriage certificate, etc, etc. Not getting into arguments or explaining anything to her.



WHAT I'VE DONE SO FAR

1. Change banking details starting from my paycheck due on 25 March.
2. Requested a meeting with management to ask for them to sponsor me (feeling very positive about this).
3. Requested phone service to be stopped Fri 26 March and not give any notice to the property occupants.
4. Stayed calm, confident, cool... or trying to.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


QUESTIONS (pls reply using the numbers as reference)

I have specific questions about EACH STAGE of the plan.

WHEN?
1. Is it too rushed? I guess depends how solid the plan looks to you.
2. Phone company can't say what time of the day they'll stop the service. I thought that's why is crucial I do this at the time when OM can't be reached because he's at work. Otherwise should I make them cancel the line on Thursday?
3. There's a risk, phone would stop but broadband would continue. How would this affect the plan?
4. When should I let W know I've decided I want us to chat on friday (she already texted me to ask why I haven't called to arrange the meeting, "are you ok?" she says.

HOW?

EXPOSE TO W
1. Apparently she'll deny everything. Should I confront her with evidence? What exactly?
2. Should I stay cool and calm or be firm and distant or even angry?)
3. What if she actually accepts the whole thing and says it's none of my business since she told me it's over before it happen already? How should I react.

EXPOSE TO FAMILY

This is the hardest step to me, the one that I really can't predict how it'd go. That's why I'm working on a speech. Will post it soon.

1. Since timing is crucial, how can I make sure everyone is reachable? They won't, some of them have jobs, etc. Can exposing to the family be done during the weekend?

2. If I do that during the weekend. I'm expecting the first people she'll ask for help will be her cousin and partner as they're based in this city. She'll try and get them to help her get back online, maybe even to stay with them so she can use broadband and phone.
Does this changes the sequence? Do I need to expose to them first? Mother, Sister and Father they are all based in different locations and won't be able to come her and help her right away.

3. I'm really in good terms with her family. They're all shocked we're splitting but obviously support her. I'm very concerned that they'll think I'm doing this for revenge. I'll explain my reasons but how much of the plan can I tell them. e.g. Can I said to them that I'd look like an [censored] at some point but they have to trust this is a big misdirection I'm throwing her way to shock her back to reality?

I want to avoid conflict with them as much as I can. Can I consider them my allies at some point? I know it's a risky thing but had to ask it but I'm sure NO ONE would approve the affair with a married man with kids.

4. What if family says: Even if she's making a big mistake. Understand that YOUR marriage it's over.You need to let her make her own choices and mistakes. We are her family and will reason with her and make her come back to her senses. It's not your job as a husband anymore because for her you AREN'T ALREADY.

5. Her BF who aided it in this whole thing is flying over and moving with her early next month. Do I need to tell heir family she has been the one aiding the whole thing? She's been in a relationship with a married man with children for 5 years, on and off.


EXPOSE TO OM WIFE

1. Phone or Email? Best way to tell her the whole thing.
2. How much should I disclose with her about how did I get the evidence?
3. Should I encourage her to find more evidence in her home?
4. Apparently OM has been playing alarm clock at 8 am my W. Waking her up every morning to fantasize they're awakening together in the same bed. Should I tell OM W if she's noticed him waking up at 2 am and making calls ? (they're -6 hrs remember).


EVIDENCE

1. I got the evidence because I know her password that's the truth but how honest should I be about that?

2. An alternative is saying I used screen sharing software available on the computer by default. If she finds out, that'd even make her to distrust using the computer cos I might be snooping. Also, that'll prevent her from changing her password.

3. Who needs to actually see evidence? Family will be hesitant to just to take my word for it. They'll ask her and she might deny the whole thing or justify it saying things were over with me anyway. Also she could convince them I violated her privacy and even press charges if they're really angry at me.

MISC/NOTES

1. Really scared about the whole money thing. They'll think I want to ruin her and run away with it. She will make them think that if she's that angry at me after this.

2. Our joint account has a very generous overdraft marging. (aprox 2000 dlls exchange rate) Should I take that as well? Thats taking debt with me but otherwise she'll have that chance of digging into that.

*A note here, money won't be a pressure issue for her as she earns enough to support herself more than well and she's very good at administrating her money.

3. She's started a new job but her initial contract is only 6 months. She'll be underpresure. She can't afford to lose this job.

4. Haven't looked for legal advice. the whole idea this could turn 'Legal' scares me plus I don't think able to afford a lawyer right now... What should I do. Just go for a consultation to begin with? I'd be clueless where to look. I can see all of you already saying I just should do it.... sigh