she says, this is what I wanted to talk to you about, I found someone else ...
and the OMW, couldnt care because she has one or two on the side also.
What is the plan for Fracesc come Saturday morning and beyond?
Actually I was going to post a worst case scenario set of questions, yours are spot on.
Worst case scenarios
- Wife smells something's coming cos i'm not replying to her messages and someone how figures out I know about the affair and tips OM off.
- OM W already knows about the affair, he was honest with her this week and is leaving her. She's ok with that.
- OM W never replies or refuses to play along, she also has an affair.
- Family Exposure can't be done as expected, I can't get hold of some of the family members. Who are my priorities?
- What if someone in the family already knows?
- What if W gets depressed and tries to hurt herself?
- W trusted me information that would potentially cause her a big problem with her BF (the one aiding her in the affair). Should I use this?
Their background
W Mother= Single. Divorced when W was 13 yo. After marriage difficulties she cheated on husband maybe even more than once. I doubt it but since this is WORST case scenario, I'll ask here: What if she already knows and respects her daugther's decisions? W and OM refer to being "hiding from her" at some point. Big problems with money. She'll resent me if I make this a money issue.
W Father= Divorced 2 times. After W's Mother, divorced because his ex wife was abusing him, she was Bipolar. In a relationship. He's very wise and nice person. I can't he see him agreeing in what his daughter is doing.
W Sister= Older. Early 40s. Single. Unstable relationships but never with married men. Recovering from a long relationship that ended amicably (she wanted to have children, boyfriend didn't). They are very close but W hasn't told her about the affair definitely.
Cousin/Cousin's Partner= Gay couple. 30 and 50 yo. Stable couple, well off financially. They're only ones in the family based where we live. They helped us get a place, etc. My guess is that they will instinctively protect W but they also have much appreciation for me and will definitely respect my move if I can convince them of the affair. If I'm not successful in convincing them and took all the money, they will definitely help her sue me for all I've got. They can afford the best lawyers.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Why? - Surprise factor: W expects to have the "final chat" with me on Sat. So it's me calling the shots there. I DECIDE WHEN WE TALK, NOT YOU. - Shock factor" W will be tired after work, long commute, etc she'd have plans to meet OM who will "give her strenght" to dump me the next day. - Time difference can play on my favour. By the time she knows. OM will be at work, won't be able to take her call even if she tries to contact him. - OM will be confident that he'll be able to offer comfort once he's home but he'll find his W whose already been exposed to the affair. -
HOW? SEQUENCE
1/2 Hrs prior exposing W: take all the money off the joint account and put it into mine.
1. Expose W (Public place, far from home so she has to take the subway and won't be able to communicate with anyone then would come home to find phone line has been taken down)
2. Expose Family. - Expose to Father in Law, he's more likely to be supportive and not take her daughter's side. - Then mother. - Then Sister (she'll be shocked and she'll hesitate but side with my W. She can be crucial as she could be my INTEL after this is over.) - Then cousin and his partner (they're our only family where we live and have helped us both a lot. Both well off and are very litigious. They love her so much. I need to be care on how I approach them. They like me. I just need to find out how much they're willing to trust me.
(I NEED TO WORK OUT A "SPEECH" FOR EACH OF THEM, WORDS WILL BE CRUCIAL HERE SO THEY DON'T THINK I'M JUST BITTER AND WANT TO PUNISH HER. WORKING ON THAT DRAFT)
3. Expose OM W:
Time zone difference will play in my favour in here as they are 6 hours behind us.
- Only thing I need to take care of is that OM W would OPEN the package EXACTLY that day. And I have no way of making sure of that. Timing will be EVERYTHING HERE.
Seems to me that communicating with OM W ought to be the first thing you do. Then you will know whether she cares and what she intends to do. Because she may not check FB that often, I agree that it would be good to send the same message to her sister.
I agree with Dudess but I'll add another point, if you're contacting your wife's parents to get them to side with you on this, don't bother, it never works out that way, they will always side with her before they side with you. That's their kid and you're just the son-in-law, you will usually always lose in that situation.
Contact the OM's wife and her sister first and leave it at that and wait for the reply back. Even if the OM's wife is planning to leave him, this will still add ammunition to whatever plan she has in store for him.
I agree with Dudess but I'll add another point, if you're contacting your wife's parents to get them to side with you on this, don't bother, it never works out that way, they will always side with her before they side with you. That's their kid and you're just the son-in-law, you will usually always lose in that situation.
Contact the OM's wife and her sister first and leave it at that and wait for the reply back. Even if the OM's wife is planning to leave him, this will still add ammunition to whatever plan she has in store for him.
Go for it.
I was hoping that her father at least would understand as he was cheated on by my W's mother. Also thought, even if they love her, nobody could ever agree that being involved with a 50 yo man with kids and a wife is the best thing for their kid. But I do respect your advice and I hear you. Any other opinions?
About contacting the OM W and sister. So should the sister know about the affair at the same time as the OM W? At the same level of detail? Should I do that ASAP ? Or wait until later in the week?
If OM W spills the beans before time, she'll confront OM and might tip off W that I know already.
The wheels are in motion, anyway. Phone service will stop on Friday unless I cancel that.
Last edited by Fracesc; 03/22/1006:55 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
I agree with Dudess but I'll add another point, if you're contacting your wife's parents to get them to side with you on this, don't bother, it never works out that way, they will always side with her before they side with you. That's their kid and you're just the son-in-law, you will usually always lose in that situation.
Contact the OM's wife and her sister first and leave it at that and wait for the reply back. Even if the OM's wife is planning to leave him, this will still add ammunition to whatever plan she has in store for him.
Go for it.
Don't want them to side with me but at least be neutral. Again, this is like being with a drug addict, she's addicted. I was hoping that her father at least would understand as he was cheated on by my W's mother. Also thought, even if they love her, nobody could ever agree that being involved with a 50 yo man with kids and a wife is the best thing for their kid. But I do respect your advice and I hear you. Should I then, not expose to family then? That'll give her a chance to tell the story as she pleases. Any other opinions?
About contacting the OM W and sister. So should the sister know about the affair at the same time as the OM W? At the same level of detail? Should I do that ASAP ? Or wait until later in the week?
If OM W spills the beans before time, she'll confront OM and might tip off W that I know already.
The wheels are in motion, anyway. Phone service will stop on Friday unless I cancel that.
Last edited by Fracesc; 03/22/1006:58 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
About contacting the OM W and sister. So should the sister know about the affair at the same time as the OM W? At the same level of detail? Should I do that ASAP ? Or wait until later in the week?
If OM W spills the beans before time, she'll confront OM and might tip off W that I know already.
I would send the exact same message to OM W & her sister, and sooner, rather than later.
I also agree with robx (when we agree, there must be something to it ) about the family thing. Doing it in the way you have planned, could make you look kinda bad actually.
IMO, your best bet is if the OM is stringing your W along and has no intention of leaving his wife, and changes his tune when she find out. "Exposing" to your W isn't a big deal because she is planning to tell you anyway, and has practically been shouting it out on her FB status messages anyhow.
I would send the exact same message to OM W & her sister, and sooner, rather than later.
I also agree with robx (when we agree, there must be something to it ) about the family thing. Doing it in the way you have planned, could make you look kinda bad actually.
IMO, your best bet is if the OM is stringing your W along and has no intention of leaving his wife, and changes his tune when she find out. "Exposing" to your W isn't a big deal because she is planning to tell you anyway, and has practically been shouting it out on her FB status messages anyhow.
Ok, so in your opinion I shouldn't involve family at this point. Ok? If I don't then taking half the money won't be a problem. If I take all of the money and don't tell her family, I'll be in SO MUCH trouble and I seriously think it's not worth it. They'll think I'm a resented thief and will never care if they is or was an affair.
Secondly, I need some clarification then on timings.
1. Contact OM W and her sister. Today or tomorrow. As a first approach. Then offer to show evidence in 24 hrs. ? (I'll post the message here before sending it)
2. This changes exposing wife on Thursday or Friday then? Still needs to be synchronized, right? Previously I've taken 50% of the money into my personal account. And stopped the phone.
3. Not exposing to family (for now?)
Last edited by Fracesc; 03/22/1007:49 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Haven't had a chance to catch up on everything posted yet. About the money... this is why I told you to get legal advice. Follow the legal advice above the advice with respect to the financial matters. This is why you have a L.
I would also really like to know what's your input in all this Gucci. If you have the time of course.
Guys, I don't want to be a pain in the ass but as you can see I'm still learning from the process and I don't want to f'up (at least too much) so I'm trying to get as much info before I proceed.
I'll be doing the same for each step of the process. I do need a Compass. Thanks for providing me with one.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
) about the family thing. Doing it in the way you have planned, could make you look kinda bad actually.