[quote=Dudess]The only reason I suggested maybe not to send everything you know immediately was your uncertainty if this was really OM W, and/or the possibility that he might have access to her account and get it first. Now, if you are sure that the sister IS the sister, that gets around that problem.
I'm not 100% sure yet but I'm willing to take my chances. If she isn't then, she'll just reply. Wrong girl. No harm.
Well, unless she tips off OM before his W can get your info. That was my concern.
It was only relevant if the OM W is the LAST one I expose to.
IMO, OM W is the FIRST one to tell. Ideal scenario as I see it is:
1. OM W learns of the affair & kicks his butt to the curb.
2. OM doesn't want to lose his wife so cuts contact with your wife.
3. Your W realizes she's been duped and wants you back.
What I could do is send ONE picture of them together. She'll want to find more and sen't me an email.
The pictures you have could be totally innocent. Send all you can and offer to send more via regular email
What I'm not too sure to do is sending EVERYTHING through facebook in the FIRST contact.
If I give her all of the evidence she'll confront OM right away and he'll tip off my W. I lost the surprise factor.
Nothing wrong with your W finding out through OM. Better really I think.
OM: "Sorry dear but my wife knows"
Your W: "but I thought you said you were leaving her?"
OM: "I can't do that to my kid, blah, blah, blah"
She will be surprised, not matter how she finds out.
This is why the biggest doubt in my head right now, is if exposing to my W comes later or first. Lots of mixed opinions on this matter all over the board.
Maybe some convos in the alt? I haven't seen anyone on DB saying anything but get to OM W first.
What if he's not lying to her about his intentions? Does it change the fact that he lied to his wife and slept with mine less than two weeks ago?
My W has told OM she ACCEPTS him with a wife and kids this is the perfect situation for him. Before this affair, last time he saw my wife was 20 years ago, he was her school teacher. Is he going to change his kids for her?
Also, she lives thousands of mines away from him so they can't even get together if OM does decide to leave OM W.
I've been told most man lie to their mistresses about leaving.
My W BF is one of the mistresses that has been told the same bs for 4 years and believed it.
Last edited by Fracesc; 03/22/1011:29 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Remember, your W doesn't really care if you know. She is planning to tell you.
Is she? I think she still thinks she will get away with making me the reason this marriage is over. Remember that when I confronted her last time about seeing other people she said "No, I dont want us to see other people while we are separated this month". Denial.
I still think I lose a big opportunity to change her game and create a bigger crisis on her buttlerfly world if I anticipate her move.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
What if, what if, what if... Frac! You WHAT IF a lot. There is just so much that cannot be predicted. That is why it is ESSENTIAL that you:
- Do the right thing (which outshines any what if you can conjure up)
and
- Do the Good Work on yourself so when a what if does happen, you are still A-OK...the same confident, strong and honorable man you were no matter which way it goes.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
What if, what if, what if... Frac! You WHAT IF a lot. There is just so much that cannot be predicted. That is why is is ESSENTIAL that you:
- Do the right thing (which outshines any what if you can conjure up)
Yes, and I'm sorry if I look desperate. What I am is trying to figure out different scenarios. I want to be prepared for this.
As you said, do the right thing. But right now, what was the right thing for my instincts which was be civil, loving, give her space, trust her, etc FAILED miserably. And I swear to you that was the right thing to do in my heart!
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
I don't think you look desperate. You look hurt, scared, mad, confused...all completely understandable.
I just wanted to remind you that some of your energy at this time must be alloted to FRAC! You are burning so many calories about HER - what she's doing, what she's going to do, what she did...
TLC is in order for YOU. You have to do more than BRACE yourself for what she'll do (or not do). You need to GROW - really look at where you are, how you got there and what you'll do to IMPROVE YOUR LIFE - with a woman as your wife or not.
See? Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
What if he's not lying to her about his intentions? Does it change the fact that he lied to his wife and slept with mine less than two weeks ago?
My W has told OM she ACCEPTS him with a wife and kids this is the perfect situation for him. Before this affair, last time he saw my wife was 20 years ago, he was her school teacher. Is he going to change his kids for her?
Also, she lives thousands of mines away from him so they can't even get together if OM does decide to leave OM W.
I've been told most man lie to their mistresses about leaving.
My W BF is one of the mistresses that has been told the same bs for 4 years and believed it.
Do you not see that if his W finds out he MAY drop your wife?
That is the hope, and that is what you need to find out, first before trying to micro-plan every single movement.
TLC is in order for YOU. You have to do more than BRACE yourself for what she'll do (or not do). You need to GROW - really look at where you are, how you got there and what you'll do to IMPROVE YOUR LIFE - with a woman as your wife or not.
Point taken and I can assure you, I was on my track to do that. I made my peace with losing her and was working to detach from her. Then, I found out about the affair. But now I can't walk so easily away from this now.
Yes, I'm hurt, but I can't see her throwing her life away if there's ANYTHING I can do to protect her from that I will do it. And if she is DECIDED to do that, she'll do it, whether me, family, OM W knows, etc. but they're both hiding this from everyone, and she's being manipulated by a 50 yo man that knew how to read her for months and then took advantage, as easy as that.
Pls understand that I WANT TO MOVE ON.
I want these wheels to start moving so I can move on with life but I'm stuck right now! I can't decide what's best.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
