Ok here's the draft for the OM W message on facebook.
"Your husband XXXX and my wife XXXX have been unfaithful to us for the past month. Your H been telling my W that he doens't love you and he's just staying for the kids but he'll leave you soon to come with her to XXXX. Are you aware of this? I know it's hard to read this but I assure you I do have solid evidence if you're willing to know the truth. You deserve it. Don't confront your H know yet, until you have evidence in your hands. Contact me ( email address)."
To the sister same message with this intro "Sorry to involve you in this but it's CRUCIAL that you pass XXXX this message (above message)"
Suppose I send this today so tomorrow I should have an email message or facebook reply with the answer.
That'd mean I'd have to send evidence immediately. Otherwise she'll get too anxious and confront the OM without solid evidence and he'll lie his way around it, she'll say it was me and he'll tell my W I know. Game over.
If things go ok and she gets the evidence and expose OM.
Then what? It does needs to be synchronized with me exposing to my W, taking the money out of the bank, canceling phone line (that's in motion), etc
Right?
I also need an opinion for worst case scenario to be prepared, pls.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
[quote] I also agree with robx (when we agree, there must be something to it ) about the family thing. Doing it in the way you have planned, could make you look kinda bad actually.
I'm really interested in finding more about this. Why would I look bad? Is she having the affair, not me. I do need to let the family know at some point, don't I? Otherwise I'm just a bitter a-hole to them. Again, just trying to learn. Pls share your thoughts.
Last edited by Fracesc; 03/22/1009:28 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
The only reason I suggested maybe not to send everything you know immediately was your uncertainty if this was really OM W, and/or the possibility that he might have access to her account and get it first. Now, if you are sure that the sister IS the sister, that gets around that problem.
If that is the case, why not send all you can by FB, (don't say anything about 24 hours, sounds too weird, I would get suspicious of YOU if someone said that to me.) Then give your email and telephone. BTW, ASK her not to say anything yet, rather than tell her. You can only persuade, it's up to her what she does.
IMO, your next best moves will be greatly impacted by what OM W does, and OM's willingness to lose his wife. It's good to have an idea of what you will do in various scenarios, but once you have more info, the situation, and your actions will become clearer.
It shouldn't be a problem if you go ahead and take half the $ now. She stopped putting her check in there and taking your 1/2 of the funds isn't so weird given that you are separated.
The idea of depositing her 1/2 with a family member, I would get a second opinion about. In the US that would be a conservatorship, which you get by court order when someone is so mentally incapacitated that they cannot handle their money, not for folks who are merely depressed or in an affair/Abraham Hicks fog.
Who knows, maybe you won't have to say anything to her family. Best case scenario, OM dumps your wife when his W finds out and your W comes crawling back to you. I wouldn't see the point in telling family in that situation.
I also agree with robx (when we agree, there must be something to it ) about the family thing. Doing it in the way you have planned, could make you look kinda bad actually.
I'm really interested in finding more about this. Why would I look bad? Is she having the affair, not me. I do need to let the family know at some point, don't I? Otherwise I'm just a bitter a-hole to them. Again, just trying to learn. Pls share your thoughts.
Quote:
I agree with Dudess but I'll add another point, if you're contacting your wife's parents to get them to side with you on this, don't bother, it never works out that way, they will always side with her before they side with you. That's their kid and you're just the son-in-law, you will usually always lose in that situation.
Contact the OM's wife and her sister first and leave it at that and wait for the reply back. Even if the OM's wife is planning to leave him, this will still add ammunition to whatever plan she has in store for him.
Go for it.
We gave you the answer, you seem to be looking for an alternate explanation, simple is always best, she's their kid, they may not approve of what she's done, but they will always pick her safety and well being over yours - thinking otherwise is foolish.
The only reason I suggested maybe not to send everything you know immediately was your uncertainty if this was really OM W, and/or the possibility that he might have access to her account and get it first. Now, if you are sure that the sister IS the sister, that gets around that problem.
I'm not 100% sure yet but I'm willing to take my chances. If she isn't then, she'll just reply. Wrong girl. No harm. It was only relevant if the OM W is the LAST one I expose to.
I do agree that I need to see if she wants to play ball first. That's why I thought of the 24 hrs period but I see your point, it looks as if I didn't have anything and was buying time to find something.
What I could do is send ONE picture of them together. She'll want to find more and sen't me an email.
What I'm not too sure to do is sending EVERYTHING through facebook in the FIRST contact.
If I give her all of the evidence she'll confront OM right away and he'll tip off my W. I lost the surprise factor. Remember she's thinking she's dumping me next Saturday? I think it's important she still believes this when we meet. Thursday or Friday. It'll be a bigger shock. Plus no phone to call OM. And work next day.
This is why the biggest doubt in my head right now, is if exposing to my W comes later or first. Lots of mixed opinions on this matter all over the board.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
We gave you the answer, you seem to be looking for an alternate explanation, simple is always best, she's their kid, they may not approve of what she's done, but they will always pick her safety and well being over yours - thinking otherwise is foolish.
Not trying to find an alternate explanation. Again, trying to learn the reasons behind that so I can take a proper decision. Pls don't think i'm ignoring your advice. I value it infinitely.
I agree with that about her parents wanting to protect her. But then what? should I keep this affair to myself? For her family, this marriage ended because of me and she's a victim. They're all comforting her right now. She's getting strength off this emotional support from them to keep doing what she's doing. But she's also deceiving them.
If she was a drug addict. they'd appreciate me telling them.
Again, pls. It doesn't mean I won't take in your advice. I already did. I'm asking so I can understand this clearly. Not only what I do but what I won't and why.
Trying to learn, seriously.
Last edited by Fracesc; 03/22/1010:35 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Not sure why but starting to feel a bit anxius of my W finding out about me knowing of the A. I haven't replied her txt msg about if "I'm ok?" in 24 hrs. I never do that. So she might be thinking by now that there's something wrong or fishy going on.
I don't mean I want to reply her to make her feel better or because I'm scared, ok? Just want to keep her thinking that she's nothing to worry about and can proceed with the affair.
If she worries, she might think I'm planning something because I never do this. I never go dark on her.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Ok here's the draft for the OM W message on facebook.
which meal are you going to wreck, breakfast, lunch or dinner?
Really good question.
If I do it right now, dinner.
But I'm not too sure. OM W won't be able to sleep and OM will know there's something weird there. Plus don't think she'll hold the info enough time for me to expose to my W.
If I do it tomorrow, breakfast or lunch. At least she'll be alone. She'll have time to think about this. Reply, get all evidence from me etc while he's at work. Remember, there are children involved I can't be reckless about this.
Remember they're minus 6 hrs behind me, I need to use that in my favour.
Last edited by Fracesc; 03/22/1011:06 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
) about the family thing. Doing it in the way you have planned, could make you look kinda bad actually.