Work thread for Jack - LBS Stages

[libbyasking]

As a newbie I have read this interesting thread.

I have tried to find where fear would sit? Fear of your H/W decisions, moving forward alone, lost love, boundaries the LBS has to make.

Maybe it sits with depression, anger and resentment.

Personally I think I am in resentment but not made acceptance yet as I am fearful of his next move and there is also a touch of anger but not often now.

[Lostforwords]

OP-

Isn't GAL'ing just an action? Which then leads to a step of the journey. I think of GAL like medication. There are two ways of being...sick or healthy. The medication just helps you get from one to the other.

Same with detachment....yet another verb. It helps you deal with anger through acceptance. The less you detach, the more likely you are to cycle through those stages.

180's-Yet again...an action

Or means to end.

Just takes awhile to realize what the end is when we start the journey.

[Lostforwords]

Libby,

I agree with your placement of fear. Very often fear is rooted in anger and vice versa.

Take my side job for instance. I am a bouncer, so it isn't unusual for me to have a drunk patron in my face trying to push my buttons. I know that if I get angry it is because I fear he is correct...or if I am fearful of his threats I might get angry and lash out. So by seeing the situation objectively...I feel neither fear nor anger...which makes me a very proficient bouncer.

[Cadet]

LFW

Yes they are actions! So the question is how do they fit in to the journey. Are they necessary actions?
I know detachment is a necessity. Without learning this action you will be unable to move forward.

[Lostforwords]

OP-

So are they necessary?

Action invokes change...inaction promotes stagnation.

Self growth is like a house in need of painting....If you don't go out and paint it...it will only get worse.

You go out and paint and then relax on your laurels...soon the house will once again need painting.

You paint the house and continue to maintain it....it will be a long time until you have to repaint the whole thing again.

See we take out of a situation what we put into...so by detaching and improving ourselves...we bring more to the table.

I strongly feel that the current state of marital discord in our society is a direct reflection of our overall disconnect with relationships. Many people go into a relationship expecting a certain return without a personal investment in that return. Yet if you make a positive investment in a relationship....many times you get positive return.

I think JFK really alluded to the problem 40 years ago...

Think not what a relationship can do for you, but what you can do for a relationship.

[courageous wife]

I have thought that so far thru this process that we, the LBS kind of go thru a MLC of our own as far as how we are encouraged to do things we enjoy but haven't done for a long time, to try new things, to start taking care of ourselves, diet, exercise, new hair do's etc, doing of the 180's. An example for me would be that I am buying new clothes that are more form fitting rather than the looser things I used to buy and when I picked out the paint color for my room, I picked out a bold reddish color when I would normally choose a nuetral...why not, it is only paint, lose the fear...if I hate it I can change it!

Not sure if that applies here but they are my thoughts. This was a great idea OP!!!

[Mach1]

CW,

We DO go through a similar process.

Only thing is .....

We get to do that with Dignity and Honor.

Without all of the confusion, lying, manipulation that our MLCers do.

This path is a healthy part of life, and most people go through it without a hitch.

It is very powerful, and very neccessary for self growth, and life.

These life transitions happen for us throughout our lives.

And if a transitional cycle is missed, then it has to be re-visited in order for new growth to occur.

It is a missed cycle that usually induces the monster we all know as MLC.....

In time, most of us here , will find our time spent as a gift from our whacked out MLCers....

If we aren't afraid to do the work, it will be a gift....

[courageous wife]

CW,

We DO go through a similar process.

Only thing is .....

We get to do that with Dignity and Honor.

Without all of the confusion, lying, manipulation that our MLCers do.

I couldn't think of how to word what I was thinking and you nailed it for me...thankyou!

[Cadet]

LFW

First of all your name is all wrong - You are never at a LostForWords. You seem to always come up with the right ones.
Your contribution to this thread so far has been invaluable!

Of course the actions are necessary. When you don't paint the house it rots. JFK certainly knew what he was talking about.

So I guess my question is which of these actions is needed?
Certainly this is an individual thing as each sich is different. We are all in our own areas of expertise. But if I liken this to baseball we all need to go touch all four bases and then go back into the dugout. Maybe after that we become a manager or coach and help others go around the bases. In some innings we get left at first or second base, and have to repeat our trip again. The basic idea being that we have to complete the trip. We need certain skills to do this, hitting, running, thinking. Leave one of these things out and you may keep running into left field.

[Mach1]

Lost...

Dam I wish you would articulate your thoughts better....

JK bro...

I'm gonna throw a wrench in for ya here.....

What if.....

One thought they were already a really great house painter, and their efforts were irrelevant to the up keep of the house ?

If you catch were I am trying to go here.....