WAW and the law of attraction

[FormelyknownasF]

I'm considering dropping the bomb as soon as tomorrow, Thursday.
Not sure, yet...

[FormelyknownasF]

Putting together "The package".

It's been really tough going through all this. But what's making me more angry is to learn how the whole affair was aided and almost induced by her best friend. I know that no one can be induced into something they're not prepared to do but she provided every opportunity for them to hide, lie and deceive me and my wife's family.

My W BF thinks she's "paying back" the favour to my W from when BF started her own affair. My W was the only person that wouldn't judge her and respected her decision to have an affair. That made them very close.

Now, she's living the fantasy of thinking that she can make my wife's affair work just the way she'd have wanted HER OWN AFFAIR to work!!!

I have to confess I'm feeling very angry about my W Bestfriend. This is a woman I considered my friend also, We received her in my house with open doors many times and was prepared to receive it here WITHOUT PAYING ANY RENT.

Should I confront her at some point? Remember she's moving in with my wife in 2 weeks. I would like her to leave my wife alone. She has a BIG, BIG, responsability in all this.

[FormelyknownasF]

I know anger is not the way to resolve anything.
Pls help. Really tempted to expose her BF.

Trying to regain my cool.

[Gnosis]

Plus you expose quickly.... We are talking 10 minutes... Tops...

Yes to this. You make your statement and leave. You do not wait to listen to whatever lies she has prepared. The same applies to whomever you expose to.

"My W / your daughter/sister is committing adultery with a married man who has two children. She is busy destroying two marriages. I have proof of this. I will be taking out the appropriate measures to protect myself and my marriage. I'm not doing this out of revenge. Please trust me on this. Things will seem crazy over the coming days. I ask that you do not take sides during this time and support our M not the infidelity."

That's it. Not too much information. State the facts and leave. You DO NOT need to over explain and make excuses.

Wife sent an email from a different email address <snip> Should I worry about this?

Yes, you should stop worrying about this. You cannot control her and trying to will drive you crazy. You have your evidence. You have your sanity restored. If you've lost your source of intelligence then you've lost it. At least you know the truth now.

I'm considering dropping the bomb as soon as tomorrow, Thursday.

Can you see that you are panicking? You have a plan, stick to it. What difference is one day going to make in the whole scheme of things? Not much. If you want to step up and move quicker then transfer the money sooner.

But what's making me more angry is to learn how the whole affair was aided and almost induced by her best friend.
<snip>
I have to confess I'm feeling very angry about my W Bestfriend

And what use is this anger? None. One of the valuable lessons you are going to learn through this ordeal is to make CONSTRUCTIVE use of your anger. You're going to learn restraint and self-control. Yes, this sucks. Yes, it's extremely painful. But make the best of the worst.

Should I confront her at some point?

At some point... yes... AFTER you have broken up the affair.

I know anger is not the way to resolve anything. Pls help. Really tempted to expose her BF.

You know this.

What do you hope to achieve by exposing to her BF? Self justification and projecting your anger onto BF.
What will it really achieve? NOTHING.

Frac, everything you do is going to have consequences. It is your job to discern GOOD consequences from BAD ones. Reacting out of anger, hurt and pain hardly ever results in good consequences. This is why you RESPOND. For now your RESPONSE to BF is dead silence. BF is not your friend she is your enemy, treat her accordingly.

Keep doing what you have been doing with everything else: THINK before you ACT. Every ACTION you take has PURPOSE. If the purpose is self-gratification or simply venting your anger then it is pointless. Use that energy constructively in the gym.

[Gnosis]

Frac,

Additionally: You are suffering from analysis paralysis. I want you to stop doing that. I understand that you are looking for the PERFECT way to do this. I told you a few days ago... there is no perfect way.

I've never seen a plan perfectly executed because there is no such thing as a perfect plan. There are always unexpected factors that arise. You accommodate and deal with them as they come up. That is the best thing you can do. A perfect plan is about as much fantasy as the one your W is dreaming of at the moment. This is real life and things go wrong - all the time. That is the only expectation you can have.

You have your plan. Work it. Second guessing and waiting for the stars and planets to align with the right phase of the moon is going to drive you to insanity.

[lolawar]

analysis paralysis- that is hysterical...and so so true.

Fracesc...pull the trigger- I have never seen someone so ready for this. Just remain calm. What do you have to lose? your M? You don't have your M right now to lose so just execute!!

Good luck!!!

[FormelyknownasF]

You have your plan. Work it. Second guessing and waiting for the stars and planets to align with the right phase of the moon is going to drive you to insanity.

Thank you for this. I really needed it a good slap. I was starting to see my W as the victim of all this and she's NOT.

Now, I've put all the evidence together and that made me confident. It's pretty solid. I'm making things very easy for OM W to get. Ordering everything by date so it's clear and easy to follow.

Thanks for all your notes Gnosis, you're absolutely right. And your speech for the family is really close to what I was writing. One thing to note is that the family KNOWS who this guy is, he used to be her secondary school teacher. I was planning to share who he is otherwise it sounds made up.

Still, my main question remains. Does family goes before or after my W calls me to cut my b*lls for exposing her affair to OM W ?

Friday is the day. I'm ready.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Still, my main question remains. Does family goes before or after my W calls me to cut my b*lls for exposing her affair to OM W ?

I've always advocated -- and did, personally, in my own sitch -- exposing to family AFTER confronting the cheating spouse. But Allen A over in the Infidelity forum had a good point about doing it the other way around. He said that you expose to your wife's family FIRST, and tell them you HAVE EVIDENCE (and will show it to them if they wish), and of course you'd never be telling them this horrible news if you didn't. You add further that "Wife is probably going to lie to you about this, which is almost more unfortunate than the cheating, but from what I've learned it's pretty typical in these situations. I respect you far too much to ever do that, and I WILL NEVER LIE TO YOU, you have my word on that."

Or something similar.

Then, when -- sure as shootin' -- the wife lies to her parents and siblings about it, your hand is strengthened from there on out with her family: you told them the truth.

But either way works, and I agree with Gno on this -- you need to stop dithering and JUST DO THIS.

Puppy

[FormelyknownasF]

That might make sense. Will think about it.

On a different note.

Lawyers came back to my company about the Visa situation.
The easiest, cleanest and more straightforward way is if I can get proof that my wife has been working here for the past 3 years. Tricky. All that info is in the flat where she's now.

I was thinking that I miiiiiiiiiiiiiight get away with asking her to leave the keys with a neighbor because I need some books and I'd prefer not to see her. I'll go there when she's at work on Friday (the day I'll expose to OMW)

I think she'll trust me. She thinks I'm weak, remember? I won't do anything to her.

If I can get away with that, I can get the papers make copies and collect the rest of my stuff. When she comes from work, all my stuff is gone, there's no phone line, etc.

She'll be mad but I'll have what I need.

Of course, to do that I need to break the rule of not contacting her.

What do you think?

[Gnosis]

Remain NO CONTACT.

After you drop your exposure bomb pitch up at her place unannounced. Say, "I'm here to pick up the rest of my stuff" and keep quiet. Go in, get your stuff and get out.

Let her vent, scream and shout if she wants to. If she tries to trap you into any conversation, look her in the eye and tell her in a firm tone of voice, "At this point in time I have nothing to say to you."

IMPORTANT: GO WITH A FRIEND so you can have a witness. She is less likely to make a scene then.