When I dropped the bomb on H bosses..I got a completely different response than what I expected. I thought my H was going to be crazed...he was actually embarressed and ashamed.
That's why mind reading trips us up.
Originally Posted By: lolawar
Try to limit your expectations...your W if human..you cannot control the way she is going to react..just remain confident afterwards...no apologies...stay strong.
Very good advice Lola.
Frac is strong and he's handling this pretty well. It's the "idle" time that is making him look like he's dithering. The sitting around and waiting drives us all nuts. That's why we GAL... to keep us busy and reduce the "idle" time.
Take some time to write out your boundary. Since it is by phone.
I would assume 4 would be Have speach written out before me. I continue to expose to friends of the marriage.
I then take time to go for a very long walk and I keep walking to clear my head. Just the sound of life around you.
Then you call her and you say what you wrote. Then you hang up.
Take control. You are the one who is acting by george. She is reacting. I am not going to reread your thread. I know you have worked long and hard on this. But IMHO. You need to show grace , tough love and the high road. You need to state your boundaries when you are ready and prepared. And you do it. Set a stop watch for 3 minutes when you call her. And you call her when your ready. If your speech is over 3 minutes its too long. And if she does not answer. Then you know you are still ready when she calls you. And when she does you put your hand up in the air and you stay.
STOP. You are going to listen to me right now. If you say one word before I am done I am hanging this phone up.
Speak.
Hang the phone up.
Turn phone off.
Go do what you got to do to release the stress from the day.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
After you drop your exposure bomb pitch up at her place unannounced. Say, "I'm here to pick up the rest of my stuff" and keep quiet. Go in, get your stuff and get out.
Let her vent, scream and shout if she wants to. If she tries to trap you into any conversation, look her in the eye and tell her in a firm tone of voice, "At this point in time I have nothing to say to you."
IMPORTANT: GO WITH A FRIEND so you can have a witness. She is less likely to make a scene then.
Better yet go with a small digital recorder. That's what I did. It's amazing how powerful a recording is.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
