I got a call, I didn't recognise the number so I picked up. It was my W's sister. She was fuming!
W's Sister spoke to my W and my wife told her about the phone and the bank account. And she was really, really upset that I have done those things without talking to my W first and let her state her reasons.
W's sister was really upset that I've been calling the family also when this is such a private matter and we've always been a very private couple.
She told me that I really need to talk with my W first.
She really made me feel guilty.
Have I gone too far?
Really losing it now.
Sad.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Yep -- absolutely. You tell her sister "this is -- and is GOING to be -- rough on ALL of us. But everything I'm doing, I am doing to PROTECT myself, and FIGHT FOR MY MARRIAGE. You, and your family, may not always agree with my methods, and I'm okay with that."
You expected this already. So you are getting spew from a different route than expected. Your W has followed her standard operating procedure i.e. Indirect confrontation.
Why are you feeling guilty?
No you have NOT gone too far. You did whatever you could to protect yourself and your marriage. You were expecting a shirtstorm...
W's sister is not your W. She can voice her opinions but she is not the one married to you. You told her to respect your actions. And that is just what she is going to have to do.
Frac, you dropped the bomb. Sit tight in your bunker. Let the sisters be angry with you... at least they are talking about you and not how wonderful the OM is.... What did your W think would happen when she asked for seperation or D? This is exactly what would have happened isn't it? Think of it this way.... you gave your W what she wanted before she asked for it --- and now she doesn't like it. Tough shirt.
. And she was really, really upset that I have done those things without talking to my W first and let her state her reasons.
. . .
She told me that I really need to talk with my W first.
this one needs to be addressed head on:
"Sister, I love you, and I love and respect your family. I have never lied to you, and I never will. As sad as it makes me to say this, I don't TRUST (Wife) right now, based on the decisions she's been making lately. I love her, and don't want to divorce, but I simply do not trust her in her current mindset, and I've had to take some steps to protect myself. I will always more than live up to my obligations with her, but I will also do what I have to do to protect myself. I hope you can understand, but if you don't, it doesn't change my resolve. "
How valuable it has been not been a douchebag to her family during this 12 years of relationship. It has paid. They trust me. They've offered me support, etc. Of course, I won't treat them as my friends right now but they're making it easier for me to go through this.
Frace, you have some "political capital" here to spend. But you're looking for OUTWARD SIGNS from your wife's family, and -- at this very early stage, post-bomb -- you're not going to get that. And, from some of them, you may NEVER get it, as sad as that is going to make you (it tore me up inside). But deep down, they know what "The Right Thing to Do" is when they see it.
So you just focus on letting them see it in the days and weeks ahead.
Over the phone, she tried to act as if she didn't know what was I talking about. Then, I told her "Stop. Don't even bother lying. I know" She kept quiet for the rest of the call.
I did send a very similar follow up message, Puppy.
I said to my W's, that I could understand if she's angry but at least now she knows about how bad the situation her sister is in. At least now, she can be there for her. She didn't confide this to you in 1 month. What makes you think she was going to? Would you rather find out that you could have done something to help your sister when it's too late?
I can accept if your angry at me. Fair enough. At least I know that you'll be there for her and puts ease to my mind. Sure, it is a steep price to pay but I'll pay any price to protect my wife and my marriage.
Please remember, I'm her husband. It's not me you have to defend your sister from. The enemy is somewhere else.
You are good sister, my W is very lucky to have you.
F
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
I did send a very similar follow up message, Puppy.
I said to my W's, that I could understand if she's angry but at least now she knows about how bad the situation her sister is in. At least now, she can be there for her. She didn't confide this to you in 1 month. What makes you think she was going to? Would you rather find out that you could have done something to help your sister when it's too late?
I can accept if your angry at me. Fair enough. At least I know that you'll be there for her and puts ease to my mind. Sure, it is a steep price to pay but I'll pay any price to protect my wife and my marriage.
Please remember, I'm her husband. It's not me you have to defend your sister from. The enemy is somewhere else.
You are good sister, my W is very lucky to have you.
F
Damn, son. You STUCK that sucka! Far, far better than mine!
