Work thread for Jack - LBS Stages

[SecondChance]

These are great, thank you!!

[Gardener]

Not sure if my XW was in an MLC, more than likely (by her own admission to her sister) FOO/abuse issues finally surfaced after abusive father's death about 5 months before the WAW Bomb.
In any event, out of all the reading I've done this past year and a half, the book that spoke to me, resonated with me and comforted me the most as an LBH is Susan Anderson's The Journey From Abandonment To Healing. Susan Anderson has been working with abandoned spouses for 25 years, has identified slightly different stages and considers the LBS/Abandoned experience akin to a form of PTSD.
I highly recommend this book for all LBSs. It is helping me tremendously and is helping me in particular with one of the stages that I became stuck in, mired in, and couldn't move on, or go forward in my grief and healing.

[flowmom]

I want to second the book recommendation from Gardener. It documents the experience of the LBS in a very detailed way, including the basis for all of the physical symptoms that are so disturbing in the initial "shattering" stage. The book focuses on healing and provides a framework for getting out of victim mode for the LBS.

I have enjoyed this thread very much and resonate with much that has been written about the stages.

[DiamondGirl]

That book just arrived in my mailbox yesterday. And now I see posts about it again.. LOL I'm taking it that the universe is pointing it as the next to read on my list...

[TrentC]

For people who want a taste of what is available in Anderson's book, here's a blog post talking about two of the self-help techniques:

http://sserenity.wordpress.com/2008/07/02/abandonment-wound-healing-some-of-andersons-techniques/

(No relation to our Serenity13...)

[Cadet]

Rather than me copying it out of the book I see it is already listed on this page.

Here is the link for the outer child inventory.
You have to click on the bottom of the page on outer child inventory"

http://www.abandonmentrecovery.com/mem.cyber.frame.html

According to Anderson we all have an inner child and outer child conflict. (Sounds familiar to this MLC board)
By identifying our outer child traits we can help to overcome the outer child and become adults.

If I have any of this wrong anyone else who has read the book feel free to correct me.

[Cadet]

I am bumping this thread up for those newbies that haven't read it. It is still getting some traffic but we can still add 25 or so more posts to get to 100. So if anyone else would like to add some more pearls of wisdom, feel free.

[lalxx]

hello all,
a big revelation for me during the last 7 months has been just how very kind people are - friends, strangers, cyber posters on forum!!

I have been gogsmacked at how kind and patient people have been with me - I have learned to accept their kindness too for what it is - and in the process I have learned to be kind to strangers back.

I think I must have had walls up around me when my husband left but they came crashing down when I was hit by that freight train. I have chosen to not rebuild most of the walls I had around me and let strangers into my life and (gulp) trust them with my tears and laughter and hopes and feelings.

From the lady who held my hand and gave me a hanky whilst I sobbed my heart out one afternoon in the local park to my fab friend who did my hair and make up for a special night out last Saturday - they are the unsung hero's of my journey and I am grateful to every single one of them because they were in my life at juts th right time for a reason.

lalxx

[Twink]

I'm bumping this, and asking the moderators for a sticky. It focuses on helping the LBSs who come here, rather than on the MLCers who sent them here. If DBing is about the LBSs moving forward, this is a must read.

[Cadet]

Validation - Since this thread is for the LBS, I thought that another tool that we need to use is to validate.
Their has been much confusion about this by some of the newbie on this forum.

The following thread is from MWD solution journals.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=284040&page=1

I was wondering if anyone else would like to contribute their thoughts on validation.