Maybe her scumbag h freaked out, got in and did it. No matter.
You could send her one last message saying that you gave her the info, and that if she choses to be in denial, you understand that it is normal at first, but that you have no reason to lie about something like this. Then tell her good luck and that you won't contact her her again.
I only care that he leaves my wife ALONE! So we can get to arrange things between ourselves!
That is for your WIFE to decide.
And (and this was THE hardest thing for me to get my brain and my will around) . . . YOU DON'T GET TO CONTROL THAT.
Puppy
I just wish there was a way to reach out to her. Something. After I've read this book I've become aware of how unfair this whole thing is, and it's all happening in her head.
It makes me really sad. I think this is how people living with alzheimer patients feel. It's the same person, but she's not there.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Man, you are WAY different than I was. I went thru a lot of emotions towards my wife, but "sad" wasn't one of them. "ANGRY" was more the norm.
I was sad for my KIDS, and sad for MYSELF, and even sad for my MARRIAGE, but I sure-as-shootin' wasn't sad for my WIFE that she spread her legs for another man.
Maybe it was all the intel I was seeing and listening to.
Puppy, it's just that my wife did a really stupid and bad thing. But from what I've gather she just thinks she's in love. The actual physical affair lasted less than 24 hrs because she had to fly back. I haven't confirmed that they had sex actually. She sounds like a teenager in love. not a vixen.
She is intoxicated. Her brain chemistry is fn up with her and she had the misfortune that her BF convinced that this was a good idea.
Not justifying her decisions but I really feel sad for her. This whole thing has been like one of those train crashes where everything goes perfectly wrong.
She's not a bad person. Never has been. She doesn't deserve this. Nor I. That's why I'm sad.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Puppy, it's just that my wife did a really stupid and bad thing. But from what I've gather she just thinks she's in love. The actual physical affair lasted less than 24 hrs because she had to fly back. I haven't confirmed that they had sex actually. She sounds like a teenager in love. not a vixen.
She is intoxicated. Her brain chemistry is fn up with her and she had the misfortune that her BF convinced that this was a good idea. Not justifying her decisions . . .
Yeah, you kinda are, F.
My wife kept saying she "made a mistake" (very much "SCRIPT," btw). Something about this phrase just kept gnawing at me, and then one day when she said it again, I just went off on her:
"A mistake? A mistake?? No, a one-night-stand, as bad as it would be, would be a 'mistake.' What you have done is wake up every day for the past "X" weeks (I think it had been about 5 or 6 at that point) and decide to CONTINUE to have an affair, and to lie to me, to our daughters and even to your own parents about it. That's not a 'mistake.' A 'mistake' is when you leave the cordless phone out on the lawn, and it rains, and it gets ruined. A 'mistake' is when you leave your car windows down, and your upholstery gets wet. Those are 'mistakes.' No, (Wife), what you have done is not a 'mistake' but a DECISION, and you KEEP ON MAKING THAT DECISION, EVERY DAY, and it's incredibly disrespectful to our family. Please don't ever use that word with me again, and at least be HONEST WITH YOURSELF about what you're doing here!"
She is intoxicated. Her brain chemistry is fn up with her and she had the misfortune that her BF convinced that this was a good idea.
Yep. And now she has the incredible opportunity -- via a loving, forgiving God and a very loving and forgiving husband -- to ATONE for that mistake, and to make the DECISION -- today -- to "pour the liquor down the drain," as it were.
The road to reconciliation and healing is a long one, and will be tough. But the decision is a simple (not "easy") one, made of her own free will. You do her no favors by enabling her "victim" mentality here, F, and I'd strongly encourage you to do more reading about infidelity to better understand what you're dealing with here, because you're not going to be able to effectively operate from a "Oh, the poor dear!" mindset towards your wife in the incredibly difficult days and weeks ahead.
