Granted. Bad word. Not mistake, she made an awful decision. The worst one can made in a marriage. Agree but I can't write off the circumstances. And yes, I feel incredibly angry at times. And then I go to the gym and burn that anger. It's there, still. But today, maybe is seeing this poor woman in denial made me think how the person inflicting the worst kind of damage to my wife, it's not OM. It's herself.
If only she'd realise what she's been doing... Hope she does and it's not too late. That BF worries me a lot.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
good book for you both...better for her if she is willing, but check with the vets (Puppy) if they think she is an a place to suggest this type of fed information "not just friends"
lots of insight on phases of what happened and what is to come from both the wayward spouse and the betrayed spouse.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Thank you very much. I'll get that. I've been reading "After the affair" and I think that helped me manage the anger in a more constructive way. I just the chemicals in her brain to stop fogging her judgement. They'll have to wear out eventually.
I hope.
Last edited by Formelyknowas; 03/31/1004:54 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
F, I have been following along but not posting. You have done an amazing job.
I feel I need to chime in with what Puppy is telling you from the perspective of someone who just busted an A this past fall and is in the process of the very painful and difficult road to healing the M.
^^^^ Please heed what Puppy is saying to you.
It is tempting to fall into a compassion trap for our WAS because we love them and want them back so badly.
But, you need to stay strong and stand your ground right now. There will be a time for compassion later, when you are stronger and more able to maintain the boundaries that are being formed right now.
Too much compassion right now can lead to getting suckered in to emotional manipulation on her part. She is completely motivated by selfishness right now. She is not the W you have known and loved all these years.
Box that compassion up, put it aside for later.
Now is the time for strength and a firm, unwavering stand.
A 'mistake' is when you leave the cordless phone out on the lawn, and it rains, and it gets ruined. A 'mistake' is when you leave your car windows down, and your upholstery gets wet. Those are 'mistakes.' No, (Wife), what you have done is not a 'mistake' but a DECISION, and you KEEP ON MAKING THAT DECISION, EVERY DAY,
It is tempting to fall into a compassion trap for our WAS because we love them and want them back so badly.
But, you need to stay strong and stand your ground right now. There will be a time for compassion later, when you are stronger and more able to maintain the boundaries that are being formed right now.
Too much compassion right now can lead to getting suckered in to emotional manipulation on her part. She is completely motivated by selfishness right now. She is not the W you have known and loved all these years.
Box that compassion up, put it aside for later.
Now is the time for strength and a firm, unwavering stand.
Thanks Rocked. Now, can you go by and post that exact same thing on Pitbull's thread? He needs to hear it too!
