WAW and the law of attraction

[robx]

I didn't say hump every skirt that you come in contact with,
social interaction, go out for drinks, dinner, coffee, get used to interacting with the opposite sex, etc.

Yes I said, "DATE", I didn't say find a lover.

Do you want to send her the right message?
Everything you've done so far has been your attempts at sending the "right" message, how has that worked for you? She's seeing another man, and she doesn't want you anymore yet you want her and she knows this. So why not try the opposite, something counter-intuitive and see what happens.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

He has been posting here less than 20 days and you're suggestion dating?

You don't see this as a recipe for a bad outcome?

Formerly, you're pretty vulnerable right now. You date and some chick shows you some play, you'll likely end up making several mistakes.

You do that, and you justify her affair in her cotton filled head.

You run the risk of hurting someone who doesn't deserve it.

And just as important, depending on the type of person you are, you might not feel to good about yourself.

Counter intuitive for DBing...by the book is not to be clingy, demanding, confrontation, begging...all that crap. No where does it say Date to make them jealous.

[robx]

He has been posting here less than 20 days and you're suggestion dating?

You don't see this as a recipe for a bad outcome?

Formerly, you're pretty vulnerable right now. You date and some chick shows you some play, you'll likely end up making several mistakes.

You do that, and you justify her affair in her cotton filled head.

You run the risk of hurting someone who doesn't deserve it.

And just as important, depending on the type of person you are, you might not feel to good about yourself.

Counter intuitive for DBing...by the book is not to be clingy, demanding, confrontation, begging...all that crap. No where does it say Date to make them jealous.

He needs to boost his confidence.
He's clinging to a woman who is currently having an affair, and you're right, no where does it say in DB'ing to date and make them jealous. But let's look at that dynamic, regardless if he wants to admit it or not, he's jealous of the OM, that guy has his wife and he doesn't. The OM isn't pursuing his wife, I'll bet a few bucks that his wife is pursuing the OM. He separated from his wife to give her the space that she wanted and all that did was enable her current ways. Instead of pursuing his wife which just makes her run in the opposite direction, why not move in the opposite direction. If jealousy makes him DB his heart out which is what's happening lately, what would happen if he appeared to be doing the same thing to her? She currently has him and she knows it, if she told him she wanted to work on the marriage tomorrow, he would jump on that opportunity. He's the safe, 2nd option, the backup plan, just in case the affair doesn't work out. Who wants that for themselves? I know I don't, all that would lead to is the same thing happening all over again.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Then flirt.

Crawl before you run.

[gucci loafer]

You could also walk outside and get hit by a truck tomorrow..


You could also have a heart attack tomorrow..


You could also meet someone and hit it off and be as happy as ever..

You could also get back with your wife and not be ready.. If you can't social interact, then how can you say you are ready to get back with your wife? You could also get back with your wife and she could hurt you again. You could also get back with your wife and she finally realizes she loves you and then you decide that you don't want HER. Then you could hurt her..


The moral of the story is..

Go out and socially interact. It is good for you. It will be good for your wife to see. Do it. You don't have to call it dating because that gets people all up in arms. Let's call it social interaction. We socially interact on here. Just go out and socially interact. Let things fall where they fall. Let's not talk marriage or a relationship or hurting someone. Let's get you out there first.

[WalkingMan]

I hear the term "chemicals" thrown about loosely,
"she has those in love chemicals and it's clouding her brain",
she once had those "in love chemicals" for you too,
until you did things which killed the attraction between the 2 of you, aside from busting the affair what will your plans be to start flicking those attraction switches in the opposite direction?

Those chemicals & feelings are not fake, they're real.
You contributed to this regardless if you know it or not.

Robx,

I'm sorry but the blame rarely lies on one person, either the LBS or WAS.
Sure....no one is without sin. But what I am referring to is what state a WAS is in once they get the high of an affair. Like I said, it takes two to make it work and two screw it up, so putting the blame solely on the LBS helps no one. Unless I'm mis-reading your post, you seem to make the LBS totally responsible for the WAS behavior.

[robx]

I hear the term "chemicals" thrown about loosely,
"she has those in love chemicals and it's clouding her brain",
she once had those "in love chemicals" for you too,
until you did things which killed the attraction between the 2 of you, aside from busting the affair what will your plans be to start flicking those attraction switches in the opposite direction?

Those chemicals & feelings are not fake, they're real.
You contributed to this regardless if you know it or not.

Sure....no one is without sin. But what I am referring to is what state a WAS is in once they get the high of an affair.

if we're talking about an actual physiological change in the body, why does it matter what "state" the WAS is in?
If you kill the attraction with your spouse to the point where they are no longer attracted to you and someone else comes along and flips those attraction switches, you're as much to blame on the situation as the "love chemicals", don't expect those marriage vows to keep her in line. If the number of threads on these forums with WAW's is any indication, those words have little value and staying power.

[Steve McQueen]

Formerly, I guess there's always exceptions but usually the OM is just a fantasy. What I mean is that the Om is nothing but chemicals and a teenage idea of romance.

dont kid yourself. its usually because he "does it" for her. he's excitement. i bet you never watched a video about coral reefs or went to the aquarium and took notice of how some fish are red others blue, some have big fins they can expand, others are speedy and quick. its all about attracting a mate. ecology. chemicals, pheromones, enzymatic reactions sure blame it on them. true, the scent of a woman makes me horny. attraction. heck, there are probably multiple genes for having the propensity to desire multiple sex partners as well as smelling so good. lets blame it on watson and crick. mendel even. and fabio.

but, it all comes down to attraction and stimulating desire. and as a male that is your responsibility. enjoy.

btw, good friday is a great night to take someone out for a fish fry. lol.


if you dont like fish, birds are even better, although you never hear anyone say, there are alot of others birds in the sky. interesting thing you can see with birds, if you sit and watch birds long enough, you will notice how when a male comes in to mate with a female and the female isn't attracted to him and they don't do the jamboni off he flies to another part of his territory and another potential mate. they really dont waste time when the gettin' is good. nor do they sit around and wait for the female to change her mind or harass her after she gives the hint. they are busy and life is short. eventually usually she becomes attracted. maybe his colors get brighter or he smells better when he's out being attractive. interesting.

[gucci loafer]

VERY interesting..

Good thing birds work that way or we would need a....

Bird Busting site.....

[WalkingMan]

if we're talking about an actual physiological change in the body, why does it matter what "state" the WAS is in?
If you kill the attraction with your spouse to the point where they are no longer attracted to you and someone else comes along and flips those attraction switches, you're as much to blame on the situation as the "love chemicals", don't expect those marriage vows to keep her in line.

I'm not sure about you, but his is not my experience. I do agree that maintaining yourself is important and respectful to your marriage. But there is more to love and marriage than just chemical attraction, my friend. If it was as simple as flipping a switch to be with someone, would your respect and trust them enough to marry them?

Stay positive.