very true, and since it's hard to be honest because in doing so we are going to be hurting the other person's feelings, we don't want to feel the guilt associated with this process because that hurts too, so it's easier to lie and have an affair secretly. Again self-preservation is human nature, that's reality, that's why you see this happening as often as it does. Again these aren't my rules, this is just an observation of reality.
Yep -- that's the thought process, alright. And it's WRONG.
very true, and since it's hard to be honest because in doing so we are going to be hurting the other person's feelings, we don't want to feel the guilt associated with this process because that hurts too, so it's easier to lie and have an affair secretly.
Yep -- that's the thought process, alright. And it's WRONG.
Puppy
That 'thought' process makes my head spin. I cannot relate to that at all.
I guess if you haven't adopted 'keeping your word' as a value, then you wouldn't feel guilty breaking your vow to your spouse, as long as your spouse doesn't know.
I would imagine that would result in a loss of personal integrity and thus, self esteem however. I could only feel good about me if I left a marriage that wasn't working before I got involved with someone else.
unfortunately alot of people will only "keep their word" as long as it doesn't cost them anything to do it and if they're getting something out of the deal, when it's no longer profitable to keep your word, some people will take the "easy" (relative term obviously) route and lie & cheat to get out of their commitments and go for something better, people in general will always want something better, people will always want what they don't have, the perception of value and what it means to the individual in question may not make sense to an outsider looking in (ie. LBS) but that doesn't mean it doesn't make sense to the WAS.
Ok. From the little intel I've gathered my W's take on my actions is that I'm incredibly bitter about her decision to leave me. That's what she's been telling friends and family. I can see her logic.
Is that the emotion we want at this point?
Again, she hasn't called. I'm starting to wonder why? anger? guilt? shame? doesn't care? or maybe because I told her we won't talk until I'm ready?
Last edited by FormelyknownasF; 04/03/1002:39 AM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
People can commit initially, after a few years though of less than favorable conditions, people tend to want to renegotiate contracts for something better
Agree. The key word here is "renegotiate". An affair is not renegotiating. An affair is signing another contract behind the other party's back. It's fraud.
My wife asked me for 1 month to think things through. She used that month to get a lover and then was pondering whether she was better off with him or me. I never agreed to that, did I? It was incredibly unfair and selfish. That part, at least to me, hurts much more than the affair itself.
Last edited by FormelyknownasF; 04/03/1008:16 AM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
What the people from the law of attraction are telling my W:
----
If something has hurt you and you're working to forgive it, you are activating it. Forgiveness is almost exactly the same, in fact we would say it IS exactly the same as saying, "I'm going to deactivate this thing that's hurt me." And we would say, the reason that it doesn't go very far and the reason that people struggle so hard with the idea of forgiveness is because they keep digging up the stuff that they don't want and keeping it active in their vibration so that they have a stream of people they have to forgive.
So we would give forgiveness a new definition. We would say, the ultimate way of forgiving is really forgetting; and the ultimate way of forgetting, really is by remembering something you want to remember.
---
So this might answer why she hasn't called. She's already working towards forgetting me. Should I do something about it?
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Hey! I'm from Pluto and I can report that that crap is... like... way further out than my home asteroid (we were downgraded from planet status recently and that SUCKS!)
Frac, I'm still around. Been busy with some shirt. Meant to post yesterday on what Puppy said...
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
that's just it -- I'm not seeing where F could have done much better as it relates to his wife's marital "complaints." Not saying he's a saint, but my read on the sitch (and granted, it's only based on what we read here of his posts -- perhaps Gnosis could weigh in on this, as he knows the sitch better) is that F's wife's gripes are just gaslighting and re-writing of marital history.
Yeah, I am a bit more "in the Gno" than the rest of you guys.
I don't want this to get to be too long a post... Frac has done the best he could with the cards he has been dealt. I can relate to his being in a foreign country with ZERO IRL support apart from this board. I don't think any of you can fathom the extent of the stress created by those factors. Both on his W and himself.
Overall he is doing well with what he is dealing with and NO CONTACT is the best medicine for him right now.
Frac, as hard as it is, make an effort to block thoughts of your W and what she is saying and doing. The more you dwell on that the more difficult it is going to be to regain your inner-strength. The crap thing is it is going to take time.
RIGHT NOW you are NOT in the correct frame of mind to contemplate the "error of your ways" and mistakes in the M. The Who, What, Where, When, Why and How the attraction was lost discussion is a waste of your energy right now.
Don't try to reason this out because that is the path to insanity.
The BEST thing you can do is bury yourself in work, outside activities: walking, visiting the sites, taking small trips, getting involved with the expat community. i.e. GET BUSY
What the people from the law of attraction are telling my W:
----
If something has hurt you and you're working to forgive it, you are activating it. Forgiveness is almost exactly the same, in fact we would say it IS exactly the same as saying, "I'm going to deactivate this thing that's hurt me." And we would say, the reason that it doesn't go very far and the reason that people struggle so hard with the idea of forgiveness is because they keep digging up the stuff that they don't want and keeping it active in their vibration so that they have a stream of people they have to forgive.
So we would give forgiveness a new definition. We would say, the ultimate way of forgiving is really forgetting; and the ultimate way of forgetting, really is by remembering something you want to remember.
---
So this might answer why she hasn't called. She's already working towards forgetting me. Should I do something about it?
NO. You shouldn't do anything about your wife trying to forget you. She can't forget you. I can guarantee it, the more that she tries to forget you, the more you still stay at the forefront of her mind's thoughts.
You don't forget the past, you embrace it. It made you who you are today. How could you ever forget the past? Do you remember being a kid when you were small, certain times, events, etc. Do you remember going to school? Do you remember your friends in school? Do you remember the kids you didn't like? Do you remember certain teachers? Do you remember certain sports you played? You remember good things and bad things, you will remember bad things more prominently and there's nothing you can do about that, in fact, it's a survival mechanism bred in you to ensure the survival of the human race.
So yeah, I don't think she'll be forgetting you anytime soon. No matter what the people say who happen to channel certain ghosts to instruct the living on how to live a great life try to tell your wife, she won't forget you.
You make a conscious decision to live in the present but you don't accomplish that by having amnesia with regards to your past.
You embrace your past, you forgive those who have wronged you in the past because holding on to that pain does you no good and living a happy life in the present is where it's at. Forgiving others is actually a gift you give to yourself, "I won't let what you did to me in the past affect my present and future, I forgive you for what you did because it allows me to let go of that pain & hurt that I've been holding on to"
