This is very difficult, because this is bound to get a lot worse before it gets better.
The thing is, it hasn't got worse. Nothing is really happening. She hasn't called, throw tantrums at me, etc She's blocking any thoughts about me. I worry that when I'm ready to talk, she won't care anymore and has moved on. That's all.
And yes, guys. I see what you're saying about closure. I want to blame someone else. Just as my wife is blaming me for her own decisions. Not fair. No one can be forced to do something they don't want.
I accept that.
Last edited by FormelyknownasF; 04/06/1007:09 AM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
stop worrying about what your wife does, No Contact would be an excellent thing for you to do right now and would help with these feelings of insecurity that you're dealing with right now,
ie. "I worry that when I'm ready to talk, she won't care anymore and has moved on."
The thing is, it hasn't got worse. Nothing is really happening. She hasn't called, throw tantrums at me, etc She's blocking any thoughts about me. I worry that when I'm ready to talk, she won't care anymore and has moved on.
Trust me, time is an investment you are making. It allows you to get stronger and take the situation by the horns. You will be in control of your life and gain self respect and GAL.
When she does see you, she will see someone new and will be curious. Never talk about yourself.
I did this and although it took a while, I'm finally seeing results, although probably too late for us. It's been over two years since my toubles began, so just be patient!
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
stop worrying about what your wife does, No Contact would be an excellent thing for you to do right now and would help with these feelings of insecurity that you're dealing with right now,
ie. "I worry that when I'm ready to talk, she won't care anymore and has moved on."
Sorry, it's not that I'm not trying. It's just hard to find the right optimist/pesimist balance. I'm trying to put most of my energy in GAL right now.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
When she does see you, she will see someone new and will be curious.
magic eight ball says ... "maybe"
second shake comes back as "don't count on it"
Observe reality.
haha. With a WAW is there reality?
In any case, whether it matters or not to the WAW, your are still working on you and that is what will get you through if it works out or not. Aim high, shoot low.
Last edited by Sgfan; 04/06/1002:21 PM.
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
You're getting good advice. I've got nothing more to add. We've discussed this all before.
You are forgetting something VERY IMPORTANT Frac... You say she has not thrown tantrums, called etc. For a woman who was so determined to tell you it was over and start on the path of separation or divorce... she is very quiet. Leave her in her own confusion, her own mind is twisting. Why else would she be reaching out on her LoA forums for advice. Eventually she is going to need to contact you.
Remember this is a mental war. Just like you're wondering what is going on in her mind she is doing the same with you. The "silence" is something you're both going to have to fight. That's why I told you that you need to keep busy. Plan your activities, find new things you want to do. Bury yourself with work.
And what happened to that agreement we had that you will only dedicate ONE hour of your day to thinking about her? Stick to it, I know you can. Until the pain eases to a dull ache you are not ready to talk.
