Just prepare a blanket script you give him for EVERY unwelcome interaction
1. Stop cheating 2. Stop lying 3. You hurt me, yourself, AND most important your children when you lie, cheat, and play games with our marriage 4. etc
However you phrased it in your original confrontation is ilkley fine, feel free to update it based on current events, but I think that's rpetty solid
I am a big believer in consistent messages... you don't need a NEW response, your original confrontation was fine, just give him that again and then WALK AWAY
He's been posting to her facebook so he's not acknowledging the first confro yet.
This BS smear campaign of his needs no response... he's just trying to characterize you badly to SAVE FACE...
If YOU TRUST the people he's talking about and you are CONFIDENT they don't care what he has to say then you don't need to negotiate on this. HE is teh ONLY ONE he's FOOLING or IMPRESSING right now...
I don't think you need to answer to him to be honest.. its an argument and him baiting you into one isnt' going to bring you two any closer.
The thing is, he WANTS to TALK to you, but he doesn't know HOW... until you get a FT to TRAIN him OR the withdrawal periodends and he's out of the fog its little point in talking much to my mind.
It sounds quite clear his mother is on YOUR marriage's side, so him complaining to you and her isn't goign anywhere.. he's just trying to SAVE FACE if you understand that...
He has been publically humiliated, but he brought it on himself... any challenge he throws at you is just his OWN embarassment and him wrestling with how to DEAL with that.
WHy would you lower youself into that kind of argument. IT's STUPID.
LET HIM STEW for a few days on the MESS HE MADE and YOu just EXPOSED.
Let him squirm for a few days, this is how you grow up... do NOT cater to an argument.. its NOT likely gonig to HELP you right now..he's "seething with entitlement" still.
He needs to COOL OFF, but his instincts are driving him to confront people and FIGHT... just stay AWAY from him until he has more control over himself.
WHy would you lower youself into that kind of argument. IT's STUPID.
LET HIM STEW for a few days on the MESS HE MADE and YOu just EXPOSED.
Let him squirm for a few days, this is how you grow up... do NOT cater to an argument.. its NOT likely gonig to HELP you right now..he's "seething with entitlement" still.
He needs to COOL OFF, but his instincts are driving him to confront people and FIGHT... just stay AWAY from him until he has more control over himself.
That's the best advice I've seen on these forums all week!
Seriously, this "man" is acting like a BIG BABY and everyone seems to want to coddle him and talk to the poor little boy.
He's a GROWN MAN and acting like a two-year-old
Does the phrase TIME OUT mean anything here?
Give him a TIME OUT... let him STEW in his own panick and shame for a couple weeks...let him run damage control on people you have already preppared for him.
I honeslty cant' see him taking the smear campaign or whine campaign far... but let him try!
The more he tries to smear you and the more he whines about "conspiracies" the more CHILDISH he LOOKS to EVERYONE.
Let him stew and throw tantrums like a baby for a couple weeks and MAYBE just MAYBE he might show some signs of growing UP.
Stop trying to baby him, he's in tantrum mode.
Give him a time out and leave him ALONE to grow UP.
The weird thing is I just saw him leaving the building for lunch as I was coming in and he was very pleasant, even looked me in the eyes (HUGE babystep) - talked nice, said he was going home.
He's throwing a temper tantrum all right, but it's behind my back.
I'd so love to think he's being nice because he wants to, but I think it's because he wants to hide something OR wants something from me. I want to believe this man is not capable of that sort of manipulation... but I wouldn't be fooling anyone, least of all myself.
I haven't figured out the game he's playing yet, but I will. He can't maintain a happy face forever while in a fog or withdrawal, depending on whether this is a sincere break or not.
I don't think it's withdrawal. I just have the feeling that it's gone back underground. That they countered the exposure with agreeing to go back to secret and be more careful. I really have to figure out a way to get onto his emails. It's imperative now.
OH, and BTW when I got back to my desk, my sign on screen was up on my computer. I locked it before leaving and he does not have the new password. I'm wondering if he was up here trying to spy?
We warned you to lock your PC, and yes I very much think he's trying to spy.
He may have even found something of yours and you don't know yet.. that may be the source of the smile on his face.
Remember he's addicted, its not him manipulating you, its the addiction.
He may just be playing a save face game, or he may have gone undeerground again.. you do need more INTEL.
I would keep the exposure up.
You could even just keep exposing and talking as if he hasn't ended his affair to see how he reacts.. its a bluff, but it may just cause him to give himself away. He might accuse you of reading his mail and then you've got your answer.. he's been cheating and it is in his email.
He's made no offer of transparency, i would include that in your blanket statement
5. In order to feel safe, I am going to review email and phone records for a while.
etc
Is there someone else who can follow him during lunch? He is most likley to visit her when he knows you are busy at work, so if you can get someone else to watch him or watch the OW then you have an alibi and he will be less careful during that time.
One thing Puppy has done in the past is the GPS in the car... he hid a phone in his car and recorded the convo's in the car and his wife didn't know... he got a lot of info that way.
OH, and BTW when I got back to my desk, my sign on screen was up on my computer. I locked it before leaving and he does not have the new password. I'm wondering if he was up here trying to spy?
interesting...while the cat is away....
edit - allan if you get a sec check in on courts in newcomers.
Last edited by gman; 04/09/1005:22 PM.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Oh, no, I don't think he got in, he doesn't know the password and he could not have explained to my boss what he was doing if he spent any length of time at my desk without me here. I work in finance and he does not. I think he tried, but my password is entirely different now than it ever has been before. Usually I use my dogs names. He would have tried all of those and then gave up.
Oh, and as for lunch time meetings, if she comes here maybe, but he only gets an hour lunch and she lives an hour and twenty minutes away. I can see his truck from my window, so I always know when he's here.
