I agree. Listen to your friend and respect their wishes. I know it is very hard. You want to shot your side of the story at the top of your lungs. I wanted to do it when all of my W's friends were thinking that I was the sole problem in the marriage and the reason for the seperation.
However, my W is now thanking me for not saying anything to her friends or mine. None of my friends know that we were ever seperated (only my family). She is now able to comfortably join me with our friends.
If things change in your sitch; reconcilliation will be easier the less people know.
And there will always be time to explain your side of the story with those who matter...
Ok. I sent the reply to the cousin as suggested by Gno and Pups. This meeting with the friend might not actually happen. I'll keep you posted. Thank you all for the advice and support.
My GAL process continues. I went to my company's party yesterday and it was lots of fun. Met new people, talked to lots of good looking girls, etc Got many compliments on my new look. Didn't think about my W until the very very end when I was walking home on my own. Other than that, cool.
New haircut, new contact lens and the early results of workout on my body are charging me with confidence. Of course, it still hurts and I still wonder about my W but everyday, it's less than the day before.
I'll be fine.
Last edited by FormelyknownasF; 04/08/1008:41 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Ok. I sent the reply to the cousin as suggested by Gno and Pups. This meeting with the friend might not actually happen. I'll keep you posted. Thank you all for the advice and support.
My GAL process continues. I went to my company's party yesterday and it was lots of fun. Met new people, talked to lots of good looking girls, etc Got many compliments on my new look. Didn't think about my W until the very very end when I was walking home on my own. Other than that, cool.
New haircut, new contact lens and the early results of workout on my body are charging me with confidence. Of course, it still hurts and I still wonder about my W but everyday, it's less than the day before.
I'll be fine.
I like the sound of the changes, it's not an overnight process but it does have to begin somewhere and it's the same with the detachment process, you won't get over the hurt overnight but eventually you will become stronger and more confident as each day passes, you'll find that attractive guy you started out as and when you become him 100% you will be thankful and realize you should never have lost sight of him in the first place, it's a tough less but a lesson worth learning.
It is glaringly obvious that the w's "friend" already IS involved and taking w's side because of her terseness toward you. She "doesn't want to get involved...." how disingenuous could she get? Lying beotch!
Be minimally polite while giving her NOTHING!. I bet you anything she will press, ever so subtly, for details from you so she can run back to your w. AND....she will be very defensive of your w.
Doesn't want to "get involved" MY ASS!
Did I mention: GIVE HER NOTHING!! Change the subject to the weather. Trust me, she will press for the details she says she doesn't want to hear from you.
LMMFAO!!!
Have fun with her and keep changing the subject. Do your best Jedi Mind Trick with the LYING BEOTCH!!
Today I was so busy I didn't spend any time thinking about this until now. Next week it's going to be incredibly busy but fun. I'm going abroad on a business trip to a place I've never been before. I'm really looking forward to it.
Really feel like I'm moving on. Slow, as Robx say, but steady.
Last edited by FormelyknownasF; 04/09/1007:25 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Next steps I will continue GAL consistently. Next week provides me with many opportunities to do so and concentrate in other things. I'm starting to get to the point where I can think about my W and I don't let my feelings overwhelm me.
Question
I had a brief chat with a friend in common and she tells me that my W says she's "very busy but also very happy and focusing on the positive".
Is "happy" a normal state of a WAW whose affair has been exposed? Of course, she might be happy because her BF moved in but it also might be because the affair is still going on. (BTW, my W finally changed her other email account's password right after the BF arrived. This suggest she told my W details of the evidence I used to expose to OM's W).
In any case, I understand how I can't do anything about her "happiness". In fact, I'm ok with her happiness but I wonder if something in the plan isn't quite working.
A good friend suggested stirring things up a little i.e. let her get a missed call from my cellphone number. When she calls back later, I don't answer.
I had some other ideas.
Show up at unexpected places, doing unexpected things, i.e. Once a week change my commute to work so every now and then we bump into each other. New clothes, new look and contact lenses should do the talk.
Or, right at the end of the meeting with my W's friend, say I can't stay longer and leave for lunch with an attractive female co-worker.
I don't know about you but I'm not seeing this as "pursuing" since I don't intend to talk or approach my W. You have to remember, since we don't live together, I have no other way to show the new, more confident, fit and mysterious me. I understand it's important that I make her curious and wonder.
I don't know if those are good ideas but right now, I'm considering them because last time she tried to contact me was March 27. That's 15 days.
Apart from exposing the affair, I haven't had proper contact with my wife since Feb 24.
Am I getting too impatient?
Last edited by FormelyknownasF; 04/10/1007:32 AM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Thanks for the reply, K. You do get my point about how's she supposed to be curious and see any changes if we don't live together? Out of sight out of mind.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
I do get your point, but you have already made changes proving that you are standing up for yourself and your marriage. She can't help but notice that you aren't dancing to her tune anymore.
