Thanks Allen. They're tired, H went over there to reiterate that there's no chance for me and they are just getting worn down. They're as good as gold, as mentioned here before. They're going to back off now. MIL said everything she can say to H and he knows where they stand. He did tell them he has no immediate plans for D or moving out. So, I'm safe for now.
Lotus, very funny about your bedroom. I am backing off on in-laws for now. They've done so much, so I told them I'll keep them in the loop - but it's been two weeks and they're just worn down. I have lost 37 pounds so far, another 30 to go. Just got into size 13, I'm psyched. This may not be the healthiest way to lose weight, but it sure is effective and FAST. LOL.
I still want to take karate, but the class is $120 a month and we just don't have that right now. I was thinking since H is a third degree and teaches, he was teaching me but just procrastinated and I only got a few classes in - is this a good thing to ask him? (to teach me again) I don't want to be seen as pursuing, but he does know I've always wanted to do it. It wouldn't be out of the ordinary to ask him...
H told MIL that he does not plan on contacting OW - who knows how long that will last, but hope it will be a while. I love how OW has been trying to say she's known him for 15 years before I did. Just got the whole story from MIL - back in high school, they SOMETIMES sat at the same lunch table and she "intimidated" him - he had a crush on her, and has "always carried a piece of her in his heart." She tried making it seem as if their "R" went back so much farther and deeper than ours did... Um, I was best friends with him for 4 years and then we've been living together, day in and day out - yes, even at the same lunch/dinner table - for 12 years. I have to laugh every time she throws that out there.
Anyway, heading out to see my dad/stepmom today with the kids. Keeping the ties between our families tight. Peace and PMA everyone. It WILL get better, for me and for you.
I can't remember, so I apologize in advance for bringing it up, but it's obviously important: did you and/or your H ever get tested after you discovered his infidelity?
I hate to say it, so ask some others, inquiring about classes may be pursuit in your sitch...I was in something similar, W teaches riding (horses), never offered me, when I inquired she made excuses...but it was pursuit, none the less..
It may be different in your sitch since you've shown an interest before...
Yeah, I'm 50-50 on this question. Thanks for the input. Maybe I'll mention that I was going to do it but can't afford it and see if he offers? If he doesn't, I drop it. I really wanted to go to this school I checked out, they do a lot of strength and flexibility work also. I'd rather do it there then with DH, but he's free. :P
H is not home yet. It's 11 PM, he left this morning at 8:30 am. He was supposed to spar at his sensei's house (probably 9-11 am or so) and then they were going to hang out. This sensei is in his 50s and loves to play, but gets tired at 9-10 pm and often leaves the party early. H should have been home around dinner. DSD text'd him and he did not respond. I'm getting worried, but I can't call him without him getting angry that I'm "checking up on him." I'm worried he may have been drinking and hurt himself. Mostly, my heart is telling me he broke the no contact rule. He blew off his one son's boy scout meeting and his oldest's pickup from work tonight. I was there to fill in, along with making dinner, etc.
FIL is convinced I should be letting him fall on his face, but how do you leave children hanging? I just can't do that. I'd think that knowing his kids don't trust him to be reliable would do something to his heart. He was making such strides towards being a really great dad over the past week, and now this. He was just convincing them that they were important to him. DSD is worried that he may drink and drive, spoke about it several times. I didn't bring it up, she thought of it herself. They've seen their dad drunk more times than I would like to admit, and it's all been within the last two months or so. I think he needs help, but he doesn't see it, wouldn't admit it and wouldn't go to get help. I'll be searching more carefully for a FT tomorrow, and praying that Allen is right and he will be drawn in.
If OW knew the truth about H... you know she only sees the good side, and there's a lot of good... but the bad is just so bad and out there right now. Sigh.
Just for the "record" passenger...I have two relatives who divorced...all the way through it to the "end"....and then after 5 years AND 8 years, both couples remarried their exes...sounds wacky but it worked. Both couples said the "2nd time around was better than the first" and it seemed that way for sure. None of them "waited" for the other though. They ALL seemed to GAL adn move on and improved themselves so that their subsequent marriages were better, regardless of to whom.
PERHAPS, you need to let some things take their course and leave the results up to God. You'll never regret behaving with dignity. So sorry for your pain, the pain your kids will feel AND even the pain that your WAS will feel when the realization hits that another marriage ended for them again...how many can be blamed on others I wonder....
Good luck, don't give up. I've seen marriages END and then renew...it happens. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I am backing off on in-laws for now. They've done so much, so I told them I'll keep them in the loop - but it's been two weeks and they're just worn down. I have lost 37 pounds so far, another 30 to go. Just got into size 13, I'm psyched. This may not be the healthiest way to lose weight, but it sure is effective and FAST. LOL.