Yes, I very much missed my husband and our lifestyle. I did NOT miss the mean and nastiness that he had projected towards me though.
I ALWAYS thought about going back but then I was brought back to WHY I left. I did not leave because of OM. I left because our M was pretty crappy, in my eyes not in H's. OM was just willing to help me out.
I did come back to H SEVERAL times and HE did not do work to better himself. He was needy, insecure, whiney, etc. I grew annoyed with the ILY and the "forced" change. He truly wasn't not himself. It was hard for me to be around him while HE is walking on eggshells being totally insecure, yet doing everything HE thought possible to "keep me" from leaving him. That wasn't the change I wanted or needed.
OM became controlling and kept me from having much contact with H. I wanted to contact him. I wanted to communicate with him but when I did, I had a manipulative person "taking care" of me and it wasn't worth the current battle with OM. I was just so happy to be away from H and M.
I LOVED it when H contacted me but OM became jealous and annoyed. The mind frame I was in, I couldn't think or act for myself, I allowed myself to be controlled an manipulated by OM.
journaling and info: I wished I had gone out on my own and not the OM route. I was desperate to move, I needed help to move and OM saw opportunity. As I am coming out of the fog, man, I cannot BELIEVE I was so manipulated and controlled. More so in the A than in the M with H. Talk about SERIOUS self esteem issues. Currently, OM is getting scared. He is sensing my independence and my fog clearing and is freaking. I have to take this slow on my break from him. My best friend calls him a stalker.
Me: WAW/MLC 41 H: 42 M: 16 yr T: 20 Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008 D: Anytime, just need to sign papers http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1
My problem with my H is that his family that he lived with for the first 6 months of his leaving told him to move on and his step-mother was very controlling. I really thought that he would come back home once he was out of there but nope! He moved 3 times since he's been gone. And now he is telling our D13 that he is moving again. He doesn't move far at all but doesn't settle in one place for long.
Is this normal for a person suffering from depression or MLC do you know?
My problem with my H is that his family that he lived with for the first 6 months of his leaving told him to move on and his step-mother was very controlling. I really thought that he would come back home once he was out of there but nope! He moved 3 times since he's been gone. And now he is telling our D13 that he is moving again. He doesn't move far at all but doesn't settle in one place for long.
Is this normal for a person suffering from depression or MLC do you know?
Thanks OP once again! Can you please explain to me in detail what replay is? Do you think he keeps moving to different places thinking he will find happieness in a new apartment? When a MLC doesn't find it do they start to come to their senses?
As a LBS you do need to be the one to contact your H. That's what we long for, and need. If you go dark then he will have NO idea that you would like to work things out. We have no clue to what is going on inside your heads.
He might pull away at first, that is what DBusting is telling us to do, go dark....don't accept all invites etc. But that is for us LBSs.
GF, you help me as well as I help you! Keep up the fight!
I have contacted H via email and he has agreed to a sit down meeting with me next week. Now I just need to set some goals as to what I want out of this. Ugh!
Me: WAW/MLC 41 H: 42 M: 16 yr T: 20 Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008 D: Anytime, just need to sign papers http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1
Today is 16th Wedding Anniversary. What I have concluded so far? Both of us are in a MLC. Very down day.
Me: WAW/MLC 41 H: 42 M: 16 yr T: 20 Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008 D: Anytime, just need to sign papers http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1
