Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[mza8]

Gr8, glad I could offer you some support today. Anytime my friend, anytime.

Take this on day at a time. Try not to get caught up in, "if your W does this, then you'll do that" sort of thinking. You won't really know how you will react to whatever signs she gives you until it happens, so give yourself a break and take that pressure off of yourself.

As far as the house goes, yeah I can empathize with you there. Look back at the last two weeks of my thread to see how much I deliberated over the same issue. For me, I came to realize the burden and stress the house was putting on my W. I realized that the house was standing in the way of any real progress with my W and I. So I decided that no house or any other material item is worth it to me to stand in the way of taking the stress off of my W and hopefully helping our M. The house is now for sale. Don't know if we will really sell it or move back in it together if it doesn't sell and if in the meantime my W and I get back together. Who knows, but what I do know is that I SHOWED my W through my ACTIONS that I wanted to do the right thing and what's best for HER. As you can see from my post in my thread, my W burst into tears when we signed the listing agreement with the agent. I know she really doesn't want to sell the house and maybe we won't, however, she needs to be the one to tell me if she would want to keep it.

It's a tough decision, I know, and one that takes time. Do what's best in your sitch. I will tell you that since I agreed to sell our house, my W is really starting to show signs of getting closer to me.

I'm glad to hear you are not going to bring up the post nuptial agreement. I think that's a wise move. Good to hear you're going to remain patient. If you stop by the hospital and pick-up some more patience, can you get me some more too? One can never have enough.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Posting some quotes on perseverance I like these two:

1. Never Giving Up Quote from an Unknown Author:


"Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about."

^^^^^^^^^^Man o man this one really hits home.

2. Dale Carnegie Never Quitting Quote:

"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Although I have decided to be patience with the process, I did email W about some financial things that needed to be addressed. I curently pay the car and life insurance and I told her that this is due. I asked for a check for her half and offered her an option to remove herself from the policy and get her own.

Why should I be paying for her things? I also been been payig the mortgage and when the time is right that needs to be address too. Since her name is still on the title she still owes half of the payment.

Has anyone else experienced this?

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Could anyone advise me if I should/could set boundaries for my sitch.

I am having a difficult time choosing a boundary that fits.

What comes to mind is the way W doesn't communicate to me about the kids. I share information, pictures and such with her but she does not return the actions.

"W, when you drop the kids off, I feel upset when you do not share information with me about their lives. If this is the way you would like to do things I will have no problem not sharing things with you"

Any thoughts?

[Greek]

Although I have decided to be patience with the process, I did email W about some financial things that needed to be addressed. I curently pay the car and life insurance and I told her that this is due. I asked for a check for her half and offered her an option to remove herself from the policy and get her own.

Why should I be paying for her things? I also been been payig the mortgage and when the time is right that needs to be address too. Since her name is still on the title she still owes half of the payment.

Has anyone else experienced this?

You should not be paying for her things. She needs a dose of reality. Is the car in her name or yours? If yours, well, then it's your payment to make. But if it is in her name....Big Girl Panties.. She needs to pay for it just like she will have to when she is no longer Mrs. Gr8. That goes for everything that is exclusively HERS. If it touches the children, offer to split the costs.

Greek

[Greek]

Could anyone advise me if I should/could set boundaries for my sitch.

I am having a difficult time choosing a boundary that fits.

What comes to mind is the way W doesn't communicate to me about the kids. I share information, pictures and such with her but she does not return the actions.


"W, when you drop the kids off, I feel upset when you do not share information with me about their lives. If this is the way you would like to do things I will have no problem not sharing things with you"

Any thoughts?

She does not have to share the non essentials with you. By the same token, you don't have to, either. You must share and insist she share about educational issues, health, safety. But things like, "S9finally passed a spelling test and we're so happy!". ... Nope. Would it be nice? Sure. But not a have-to. You can tell her you would appreciate hearing about the goodness that goes on for your children when they are not with you, but if she doesn't, then she doesn't. And I wouldn't either.

Greek

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Thanks for the posts greek.

Her car is in my name but she does make the payment on it.

I do communicate the essentials with her but when she drops the kids off I have to ask her for the updates about the kids health and discipline issues.

I want to create a boundary but I don't see an opportunity.

Greek, or others, do you see something I'm missing?

Greek still no conatct about the meeting but that could change aftr her trip.

[Greek]

Gp8,
You known the drill...if there is something that is bothering you, it is your responsibility to bring it up.

"W, I believe it is very important for us to maintain as much consistent involvement in our children's lives ...ESP. In light of what we are going through personally. I will make every effort to keep you in that loop and I require the same level of communication from you. In particular, I would like x, y and z. Of course I will do the same for you."

Greek

[gr8 day 2B alive]

You known the drill...if there is something that is bothering you, it is your responsibility to bring it up.

Yes this is true.

Letting feelings get bottled upped only leads to anger and resentment. And that's not what I want to feel. I want to feel good and happy.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

For those following my sitch, thank you.

I am at a turning point for me in this process and my PMA has led my to start doing things for myself.
I know what I want and envision getting there in the future.

Today is the day I start being PROACTIVE and confident.

In will not analyze my W action any longer. That was my choice and now I am choosing to focus on the things I can control- Me and my well being.

Suggested reading:
The Seven Habits of Highly Affective People: Stephen Covey.

I just order this book b/c it was referred to me by a friend.

Here's a link to the brief overview of the book.
This needs to be applied to our situation here.

https://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits.php
Just reading the overview has made a change for me.

I'll keep you posted after I set a boundary with W later this week.
gr8