WAW and the law of attraction

[FormelyknownasF]

So a lot has happened even if it doesn't show in my stitch.

I can now see so many possibilities in my life that I didn't realize one or two months ago. Other women showing interest in me, job offers from other countries, I done things that I always wanted to do but never dared to, etc. And most importantly, I can now accept that I will be fine with the outcome whatever it is. I will be able to handle it just as I'm handling this now.

Still no word from her but you know what? I don't let that bother me anymore. Maybe she's just being respectful of my wishes (We'll talk when I'm ready) or maybe she just doesn't care anymore. Fine by me.

I told my wife we'll talk when I'm ready and everyday I can feel more and more that I am. It might not sound like I am to some of you, but that's how I feel. I'm ready to move on with or without her. Yes, I do love my wife but the person that I think I love hasn't given any signs that she still lives in this planet.

Next month will be my last in this apartment and I need to make a decision, whether I find a new place (I'll need to sign a 1 year contract) or we talk and see where things are. If things don't go well, my name is on the lease so I'm entitled to move back to the old apartment and ask her to move out. BF included.

This is where my MIND is right now. Please, don't take it as if I'm already acting on this. I'm asking for your opinions.

Thank you.

[tristan]

Next month will be my last in this apartment and I need to make a decision, whether I find a new place (I'll need to sign a 1 year contract) or we talk and see where things are. If things don't go well, my name is on the lease so I'm entitled to move back to the old apartment and ask her to move out. BF included.

Hi Formerly,

Sounds like you had a good trip, delay included. The appartment your W is staying in is the one you shared? If so and you are on the lease, you have every right to move back in. You can't force her out, but she will obviously need to make some decissions at that point.

Sounds like you are doing well.

Take care,
-T

[FormelyknownasF]

yes it is the one we used to share. Im not too sure if i really want to move there but for now im keeping my options open.

Thanks for the reply and suppport, tristan.

[lees]

How you getting on Formerly?

If you have a whole month to choose about living accomodation don't rush it. I think if I'd had the opportunity I'd have asked my STBXW to move out, but as it was her home prior to our relationship I didn't feel I could do that.

The upside is that I'm living in a much nicer bit of town, in a lovely house with great garden that is much closer to all my friends, and has an amazing set of pubs/restaurants/bars and shops that I never knew existed. So I've come up trumps anyway.

Is there anywhere you'd like to live instead of your current or previously shared neighbourhood?

[FormelyknownasF]

It's going very good, thanks Lees. Lots of work, sorting out lots of things for myself, etc

Well, same situation here but I don't have any regrets. I moved out because I thought, I was being a gentlemen. Even if she didn't reciprocate. I did what in my heart was right and that's enough for me.

So I moved within the same neighborhood but not close to the old place. I definitely upgraded from where I was. Love my new place even if it's only mine for 1 more month, hehe


I still thinking where I would like to live..

[FormelyknownasF]

Today, I spotted my W on her way to a nights out with her BF. She didn't see me. This comes as no surprise. Her BF is a party animal and will be trying to distract her by partying, meeting other men and drinking (BF is an alcoholic).

Of course, my W is a big girl and it's up to her if she follows her ways or not. No idea if she is still with OM or not but apparently she's still in party land. Oh, but on a different note, her Facebook activity has significantly decreased from 7 days a week to maybe posting 2 or 3 times. Interesting.

But, the point here is not her, the point is that I didn't break. Of course it felt uncomfortable seeing her all dressed up but I am really proud of myself because a month ago, I probably would have approached her and beg or do something stupid. I didn't. I actually was coming back from having a new haircut, feeling good.

For the first time in 2 months I feel that I have nothing to lose. The past is gone and the future will be good with or without her.

I told her, we'll speak when I'm ready and I think am ready to move on.

My problem with prolonging the No contact for yet another month is that it sends the message that 1. I'm not interested in the marriage anymore, 2. Gives ammunition to her to justify things with the family "He told he'd call and he never did".

Things have been a bit quiet in here so I'll ask again: Do you guys have an opinion on how to proceed?

Thanks.

[PMA_Baby!]

You're doing great. Unfortunately, the truth is... it took years to break your marriage and can take years to fix it. That is why detaching and moving on is the best thing to do. You will know if and when you BOTH are READY.

Stay strong.

PMA

[Gnosis]

If you can handle it (which I'm sure you can) call first.
Make an arrangement to meet in a neutral place to meet.
Tell her you're ready to hear her now.
Go and hear her out.
Do not share anything about your decisions... just listen.
When she's done, thank her and leave.
Do not get provoked or try to share your thoughts or feelings.

She may try to blame, accuse and guilt you into making you think this is all your fault. Do not take the bait. When she is done, thank her for her time and leave.

If she asks you what you're thinking... tell her you have some things in mind and will let her know when you're ready.

[Gnosis]

Additionally, that meeting would be the ideal time to arrange to pick up the remainder of your things at her place. As for moving back in with her... what would the purpose of that be? Other than getting you emotionally riled up and throw you deep back in her crap, I don't see any advantage to it at the moment. I'll leave the "floor" open to other opinions on that one.

[FormelyknownasF]

I understand your point, PMA. And believe me, I've never ever felt SO strong.
That's not the problem.

The truth is, I'm not willing to stay in limbo for years, it's not fair and it's not healthy. Not for a person who hasn't showed even the smallest sign of interest.

I just want to move on with my life. I'm already doing that in many ways. It's just that something in my heart tells me should hear what she's got to say before I take a definitive decision.

I do love my wife but I have absolutely no feelings for the person who has taken her place.