Aw crap. I've entered one of those periods where the mojo's a quart low. Took Themselves to Famous Sport Fishing Pier, where there's a small amusement park and couldn't help but notice, among the zillions of family groupings, a goodly number of Dad-led threesomes. And it struck me - this is almost a cliche, the standard-issue, movie-of-the-week visitation-outing. And for some reason - no doubt the Big Decision I reluctantly reached earlier in the week - that hit me hard, and I could just feel the mojo drain away. There they are on the Ferris Wheel, and here I am waiting, preparing that faux happy face for their exit, playing Solitaire on a cell phone.
As always, G-woman is candid as hell and right as rain.
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
But for the Board - does the lying ever stop?
I don't think it comes down to 'lying'. My divorcing spouse no longer had my back. He no longer had my best interests at heart.
A civil (or not so civil) demeanor evolved with face to face conversations in order to facilitate the best outcome for him. If that didn't work, he'd manipulate, threaten and bully to meet his objectives (traits which helped him excel in business). When alone, he (as did I) vented with friends the true feelings and frustrations based on core emotions.
And that's why, at least for me, it was very difficult during the divorce when the former spouse put forth objectives which triggered my sense of us being a team, working together for a common good (which I associated with a positive aspect of our marriage). And I continually, repetitively learned that that was not the case. I was no longer his emotional confidant. I was someone he wanted out of his life because of all the "pain and misery" I caused him.
Duh.
To each their own perspective.
My mantra was that I was a good caring person going into the divorce, and I was going to be good and caring coming out of the divorce.
And I found that the man I pledged to spend the rest of my life with was truly an adversary, and pulled no punches when his sense of entitlement was threatened.
That was my experience.
Change the genders in the above, and that was/is my experience exactly.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Aw crap. I've entered one of those periods where the mojo's a quart low. Took Themselves to Famous Sport Fishing Pier, where there's a small amusement park and couldn't help but notice, among the zillions of family groupings, a goodly number of Dad-led threesomes. And it struck me - this is almost a cliche, the standard-issue, movie-of-the-week visitation-outing. And for some reason - no doubt the Big Decision I reluctantly reached earlier in the week - that hit me hard, and I could just feel the mojo drain away. There they are on the Ferris Wheel, and here I am waiting, preparing that faux happy face for their exit, playing Solitaire on a cell phone. By the hammer of Thor, how I hate it.
Ouch. How true. But Ouch. But Themselves are led by a damned good Dad, that's for sure!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I concur, word-for-word, with Gypsy. and sometimes it's one of those things that sucks so bad it takes your breath away until you somehow, amazingly, get used to it. Resilience. wow.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Why not let her feel/know the consequences of her actions.
It's odd.. when you call her on her behavior, she recoils like a sea anemone. Yet if you're the least bit accommodating, she whacks with you with a big ole jellyfish, stinging tentacles included.
And as painful as it is.. you cannot protect your children from her abusive behavior. But you can be and are the loving father who is the rock, the shelter, the nurturing soul who will always be there for them... unless of course you're in Lebanon.
