Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[gr8 day 2B alive]

SMM23.

It just feels weird. It's almost like I don't even care about it anymore. It's like I am desensitized from the whole thing.
No emotion at all.


Life slows down for no one. Keep moving forward. 8 months and counting...

I just know that I am so much stronger than before. In fact I believe I have cycled through the process of feeling great then felling lousy so much that it doesn't matter any more.

I enjoy my time for myself and have a great time with the kids when their with me. Life ain't so bad.

[Coach]

I feel a little strange today. I feel like I am losing my desire to R my M. Not only that, I am questioning my love for my wife.

Is this what detaching feels like?

Yes, it's part of detaching. A big reason you are losing desire is because she is hurting you. The key is getting ahead of her on the detaching curve. Once you think you will be OK without her the real changes begin, this is the "dropping the rope," no expectations, and you walking away. This done in a healthy way is productive.

[Ken62]

I feel a little strange today. I feel like I am losing my desire to R my M. Not only that, I am questioning my love for my wife.

Is this what detaching feels like?

Yes, it's part of detaching. A big reason you are losing desire is because she is hurting you. The key is getting ahead of her on the detaching curve. Once you think you will be OK without her the real changes begin, this is the "dropping the rope," no expectations, and you walking away. This done in a healthy way is productive.

Thanks Coach! This helps a lot as I have been feeling more and more of this also!

[soleil]

What do you think?

I want to show her that I am pulling away from her.

So I put myself in your wife's shoes and imagined what would rattle my cage. Here it is: "W, thanks for the invite. Can't though. I have something planned afterward, but I'm glad your parents will be able to spend that time with y'all."

Rattle. Her. Cage.

You don't have to say what you have planned, and if she asks, say, "Dinner plans." Then rush right out and make some

Greek

This is perfect.

[trytryagain]

It just feels weird. It's almost like I don't even care about it anymore. It's like I am desensitized from the whole thing.
No emotion at all.

i feel a lot of this, too...i felt numb when i took off my rings, numb when i removed the last pictures of the 2 of us from my bookshelf...

it almost feels like i've gotten to a point with this that i've hurt so much that i just can't even feel it anymore. the thing that gets me by is knowing that i won't always feel this way.

[beingreal]

Gee gr8, so many points to give you a woman's POV...

The punctuation thing in the email... maybe it was meant as a "hey! look! I invited you somewhere!! "

Or maybe she only meant to use one of them (hmmmm...is it a question, "would you like to come to dinner with us?" invite or..."You should come to dinner with us!" statement that you make but don't actually expect anyone to take you up on. I've been known to make some silly mistakes when I go back & don't edit my emails. Let's not read too much into that, it might really just be nothing.

As far as rattling her cage...I agree. But now you do have a choice.

If H told me he didn't think it was a good idea, I'd think, "What the heck is that supposed to mean? Can't you be grown up enough for one dinner for the sake of your child? Hasn't this been going on forever? Jerk."

If H told me he couldn't because he had plans, he'd definitely catch my attention. "Huh? He was plans? With who?? Isn't he the one waiting for me? Well whatever. Good to see I'm not the center of his universe anymore. Good for him for having plans. With someone else. Who isn't me. The center of his universe. I wonder who is more important than me. Hmmm..."


Here's the thing though, gr8--if you are going to say you have plans, actually make some. Do something. Go somewhere with someone. It doesn't have to involve a supermodel & it could just be with a guy friend. But I promise the less you tell her, the more she'll wonder.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Coach can you go more into "Healthy" on this:

Once you think you will be OK without her the real changes begin, this is the "dropping the rope," no expectations, and you walking away. This done in a healthy way is productive

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Sol and shel

Thanks for the input.

I still haven't contacted her with my decision yet and won't until the time gets closer.

I do have yoga classes that night so I do already have something on the calender.


I think this event along with me asking to pay for her half of things is sending a point to her.

Now how wopuld she respond to seeing a "For Sale" sign in the front yard? LOL. Although not out of the realm of possiblities.

I am going to be keping a close watch on her interactions with me for the next few weeks.

My biggest problem is her friends, one in particular.
It's almost like OM in a sense she is trying to fix up my W with other guys.

I having a hard time thinking we can reconcile with this friend in the picture.
What going to happen when her friend finds a steady bouy and doesn't have time for her?

[gr8 day 2B alive]

I just emailed W about the dinner and told her I have other plans.

When she dropped the kids off yeasterday I noticed she is wearing more eye make-up than usual. I know Saturday night is her only night to go out. I still have a slight feeling she is seeing someone else. But I can't prove it.

My problem is if she is seeing someone else then what would be her reason for not proceeding with D. Other than the house and kids she has no reason to even speak to me. She offers nothing in return and this is why I question myself for wanting to Reconcile.

Now my friends wives and GF's are trying to fix me up with other women. i don't want to go this route, at least for now.

I understand they want me to be happy.
But I'm not jumpimg into that fire. For now.

Can't wait to see her reponse to the dinner decline.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

I spoke to a friend about the dinner invite and they said not to think anything of it.
W is just inviting me for the sake of D5 b/c it is her special day. I believe this b/c W hasn't shown me any communication the last few weeks.

I will be at the ceremony for D5 but as for dinner, I declined.

I Really don't think having dinner with her and her P's is a good idea.