When I dropped the kids off this morning I gave her an update on the kids and asked about her vaca. She said she had a good time and I said I was glad for her snd said thats what there all about.
A few hours ago she emailed me about graduation stating: "I took the day off, I assume my mom n dad can go to. Maybe we all can go out to dinner together?!"
Holy crap. Did she just invite me to dinner? I am not getting excited at all.
Any thoughts?
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
That is good news. Good job asking your W about her vacation and leaving it at that. She probably was expecting you to grill her for specifics from the vacation. Good 180 by you.
The dinner invitation is good. Maybe she's just being nice, maybe she feels like it's the right thing to do for D5, maybe she wants to spend time with you, who knows for sure? My point is try not to go with expectations. Trust me, I'm not trying to rain on your parade but just take this as another positive step...take it slow.
I'm happy for you. I'm glad that you vented here last week and gave yourself time before you did something you might have regretted. Keep looking at the positives.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
mza8, I ahd a 3 hour drive for business today and that gave me time to think about the invite.
I agree that she might think it's best for the D5 but I'm not sure. In my first or second thread here she invited me to Thanksgiving dinner b/c she thought is was the right thing to do. I agreed and it was a mistake. It was 3 months after the bomb and T-giving dinner was so awkward. for her family and me. When I went to leave the kids were crying hysterically.
I tried to do things with her and the kids after that but she would remind me "Remember what happen at Thanksgiving?" "I don't want to confuse the kids agian."
So I stopped asking to do things with her AND the kids. We are not a family.
Know back to my thinking about this graduation dinner.
I was thinking about declining to go b/c of the kids and saying something like this:
"I have decided not to be seen with another women in front of my kids until I feel comfortable that they will be OK with her and me being together. I do not want the kids to have false hopes when they see us together, remember what happened at Thanksgiving?"
What do you think?
I want to show her that I am pulling away from her.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Yeah, I don't know about that Gr8. Here's my thinking for what it's worth. You said that she knows that Thanksgiving dinner was awkward. She doesn't want to have a repeat of that dinner. Ok, she knows this but SHE is the one asking you to dinner. Perhaps she wants this dinner to be positive and not an awkward moment for you both? Something positive to build on? This could be a good opportunity for you to show her the new you. What do you think?
If I were you I would go to the dinner for a couple of reasons. First, it's an opportunity to be there for your D5 on a special day for her. I don't have children but I would want to be at every event I could if I did. I would want to make it a good memory for her. Second, as I mentioned before, it's a good opportunity for you to show your W an upbeat and positive you. Blow her mind, keep the focus on your D5 and don't allow it to be awkward. If you remain positive and upbeat then I think that would go a long way. Just my 2 cents.
I know it's been said that the LBS takes crumbs from our WAS at times. While this might be true I feel like we have to start somewhere, don't we? Others might disagree and that's fine. I don't expect our WASs to jump right back overnight. This is a process and I believe we have to start somewhere. I would go and see what happens. If it's awkard again then you know your W is not there yet. If it's a good dinner then you're making progress.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
I want to show her that I am pulling away from her.
So I put myself in your wife's shoes and imagined what would rattle my cage. Here it is: "W, thanks for the invite. Can't though. I have something planned afterward, but I'm glad your parents will be able to spend that time with y'all."
Rattle. Her. Cage.
You don't have to say what you have planned, and if she asks, say, "Dinner plans." Then rush right out and make some
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I had thought about dinner being an opportunity to show her my positive changes. My problem with going is she expects me to say yes. So declining would be a 180 for me. It will also show her a sense of mystery about me. Going to see D5 graduate will be joyous for me, I don't want to ruin he day by getting her hopes up about W and me. In addition it will saw her I am not always there for her when she wants me. I will be there for D5 any time, but dinner with her dad, mom and step dad is something I don't need right now. I get along great with all of them but don't feel it's a good time for it.
Greek,
I think I do need to rattle the cage with W an this situation.
She needs to be woken up so she can see I'm not going to agree with her suggestions all the time.
The dinner isn't until early June. I have over a month to decide what to do and a lot can change in those few weeks.
I am going to see what developes the next few weeks then decide want to do.
What I have learned from this process is that things can change directions like the wind.
Maybe in a week or two I'll let her know I will get back to her about the dinner.
Another thought on her email, What was with the puncuation after the dinner invite?
who uses ?!
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Gr8, Yes, I can definitely see both sides of deciding what to do with the dinner invite. I can see Greek's POV. Tough call. At least you have some time before you have to decide. Like you said, you can see what develops over the next couple of weeks.
Originally Posted By: gr8 day 2B alive
What I have learned from this process is that things can change directions like the wind.
^^^^^^Ain't that the truth!
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
I feel a little strange today. I feel like I am losing my desire to R my M. Not only that, I am questioning my love for my wife.
Is this what detaching feels like?
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I do not know, but if you find out pass on the info. I feel exactly like you. Through this whole process W has stomped on my feelings and worst of all, withheld her love. It is very difficult to continue taking the abuse. Everybody keeps telling me to just concentrate on yourself, so that is the best advise I can give and to let you know that you are not alone.
