Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[Glimmerman]

How were you able to confirm? Did I miss that in one of your posts, or is this a recent confirmation? If it is indeed a confirmation, have you addressed it with your W?

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Gman,

I found out through a mutual friend this past weekend. Even though it was confirmed I was at all surprised. I was going to wait until I retuened from my vacation to tell her but what's the difference. She has obviously checked out and has been since she started hanging around this new friend.

Funny thing now. I joined match.com to meet some new lady friends and guess who showed up? Her friend. Wow, I hope she sees me on there and tells W.

My W also told our friend that she doesn't think I would ever want to find someone else that I would just remain single forever.

I didn't confront W on this b/c I don't want to betray our mutual friends trust.

I did email W saying we should meet sooner than later to discuss agreement. I also added this:
PS. I know excatly all the feelings you have had over this past year. I have felt them too now.

Meaning I have become the WAS. Life is too short to be playing these high school games.If you can't make a decision in 9 months time then it seems things won't ever happen.

The sad thing is that altough in her mind she tried to work on M last year but I didn't get "it", she knows darn well I have tried and the past 9 months andhas not wanted anything to do with R.

I have accepted this and will move on.

I could save my M but I gave it my all. This place has helped me address my wrong doing in my M and has provided me with the strength and courage to move forward.

I'll keep updating what transpires with W.

waht do think about confronting W about the hook up. If I say anything I would asked our mutual friend first.

[mza8]

gr8, I'm confused. Was it your W's friend who hooked-up with OM or was it your W that has OM?

[gr8 day 2B alive]

mza8,

it was my W who hooked up with OM. I don't know how far it went.

Also W tells our mutual friend that she still has it.
W told friend she feels like she's in a compitition with her new friend and that her friend will win b/c she is better looking thean my W.

Our mutual friend and I just shook our heads and thought this whole thing is like high school.

I am not waiting for W to come around, in fact I had 20 + hits on match.com the first day and I am communicating with someone through email right now.

I really hope W's friend sees me on there and tells W.

As for the meeting, W has not replied to my request yet.

I'll bring it again when I see her Wednesday.

I Have been feeling good about myself lately b/c of the changes I have made. Other women notice my good nature and it's time for me to dropped the rope.

maybe W will wake up or maybe not, but if she does she has a lot of work to do on herself before I would even consider working on M.

[Glimmerman]

I agree with dropping the rope.

You certainly don't have to take my advice (if you can even call it advice), but I would proceed a little cautiously since it sounds like even your mutual friend doesn't really know the extent of what might or might not have happened w/ your W & OM.

I can understand that 9 mos seems like a long time to wait.

By the way, your W feeling like she still has it is not a unique thing. That's part of the emotional stuff that many of us on this board deal with. As the years go by in a M, many of us guys fall down in that area (I'm guilty as charged there). Our W's need us to give them that feeling. When you get to where you & I are in our R's, it can be tough because when we try to start doing that again it comes across as manipulative in the early going.

Two of the main things that W's need are focused attention on them from their H, and the feeling that they are being taken care of (financial security/protection).

Patience (as much as possible)

[beingreal]

Aww, gr8. This sucks. So very much. I wish I had some advice, but I don't--you are much further ahead of me in this journey.

I will offer some words of encouragment, though. I'm happy to see that you are finally realizing just what a catch you are & that your future is wide open. One day soon you'll find someone worthy of you & you'll be happier than you thought possible. AND...a bonus--you will have this experience to know how NOT to act, and how to keep a R alive & healthy.

As for your W thinking that you are going to remain single forever--well...she just must think pretty highly of herself. That's all I'm going to say. (other than the fact I'm seriously rolling my eyes as I say it)

I don't know what to think of the new friend. I don't feel like I'm in competition with any of my friends. Maybe this new friend is fostering this immature behavior? One of those people who can't be in a happy R, so, therefor, no one should be? I will admit that the thought of dating again scares the hell out of me. I mean, who is going to want a middle aged mom of three who left her body of her 20s actually IN her 20s. Yikes. I'm trying to remember that I have more to offer now than I did in my 20s--more confidence, my own life, my own money, a "can-do" attitude, a lot more life experience that makes me my own person. Those are the things that are going to attract the right person & the things that will keep the right person around. (and just to be on the safe side--I'm stepping up my time with the trainer! lol!)

So while your W may still have *it* on the outside, it sounds like she is really lacking quite a bit on the inside. You've learned so much from all of this & have become a better person for it. I predict in the long run--you will end up happier than she is, and a lot sooner, too.

Have fun dipping your toes back into the pool. It sounds like you have quite a few to choose from. A funny sidenote--I have a friend who joined match.com on the advice of other frineds to help her get over her xBF. The ONLY match to show up in the first round? You guessed it...her xBF. She deleted her profile & never looked back. lmao! Here's to hoping that your story ends much better.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Thanks for the hugs shelbel,

I have reach my breaking point. Sometimes when someone says "there nothing you could do or say to change my mind" they really mean it.

Funny how people change and can change over time.

I have no idea who this woman is now and quite frankly she's not someone who interests me.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

I want to thank every here who has followed my sitch and have contributed posts. There where many times before where I would backslide and it just took that one special post from someone to keep me going.

Also those who have followed, I did post once there was infidelity I would be finished. I don't know if sex was invovled but the fact that she hooked up with someone else shows me she does not want to be with me.

AND ..... I'm OK with that.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Well it only took two days for W's friend to find me on match.com. I think this will not only shake her cage but I'm thinking the port-a-potty was just tipped over.
t's going to be an iteresting week.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Got an email from the W tonight Stating she was thinking the same thing about the meeting. Really 2.5 months later you decided it was time? Dies it have anything to do with her friend seeing me on Match.com?

I went out tonight and saw a girl put music on the jukebox and when she walked backed I started to talk to her. Blah Blah blah then she says ( you are dangerously Hot) Wow talk about an ego boost.

W still doesn't get it.