WAW and the law of attraction

[robx]

I just want to move on with my life. I'm already doing that in many ways. It's just that something in my heart tells me should hear what she's got to say before I take a definitive decision.

I do love my wife but I have absolutely no feelings for the person who has taken her place.

That's the old you, the insecure you, seeking approval in this fashion: "I'm thinking of moving on with my life unless you have some interest in me, do you want to let me know if you are still interested in me or should I move on with my life?"

That's what you sounded like, and again that's just my opinion. But seeking approval or looking to gauge her interest to see if anything is left in her to salvage a relationship with is very insecure, weak, wussy like behavior - definitely not something you should do.

Do not contact her.

[FormelyknownasF]

Thanks for the feedback, Gno. Sounds pretty sensible.
I just don't want to have any regrets in the future (with myself) for not listening when I felt I was ready to do so.

In reference to moving back, I didn't mean to move back with her.
I mean it so she faces the consequences of her actions. My decision to
move out only made sense when she asked for space. It makes not sense
that I'm the one having to find where to live when she's the one who screwed
things up. She and her best friend have been getting it all too easy.

Plus, it's easier for me to move back there and cheaper.

Still, was just a thought. I need to think more about it.

[FormelyknownasF]

I understand why you say it's insecure, wussy like, etc
I can assure you, I'm not asking for approval to move on with my life.
I'm already doing that. The only thing I haven't done is starting a new
relationship and I won't until I am sure 100%, this is over.

That decision is nothing to do with her, it's to do with me. I don't want to have any regrets with MYSELF. I couldn't care less about what she thinks about me moving on with my life.

I've been questioning myself if I actually want to keep going with all this. What's the point? Meeting her at least will give me an idea.

[FormelyknownasF]

[quote=FormelyknownasF]
Seeking approval or looking to gauge her interest to see if anything is left in her to salvage a relationship with is very insecure, weak, wussy like behavior - definitely not something you should do.

Do not contact her.

My question here would be, Contact or no contact if there's nothing left
there then, why bother with the rest?

[robx]

I understand why you say it's insecure, wussy like, etc
I can assure you, I'm not asking for approval to move on with my life.
I'm already doing that. The only thing I haven't done is starting a new
relationship and I won't until I am sure 100%, this is over.

That decision is nothing to do with her, it's to do with me. I don't want to have any regrets with MYSELF. I couldn't care less about what she thinks about me moving on with my life.

I've been questioning myself if I actually want to keep going with all this. What's the point? Meeting her at least will give me an idea.

if you could care less why are you saying your heart feels like you need to ask her?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

If you can handle it (which I'm sure you can) call first.
Make an arrangement to meet in a neutral place to meet.
Tell her you're ready to hear her now.
Go and hear her out.
Do not share anything about your decisions... just listen.
When she's done, thank her and leave.
Do not get provoked or try to share your thoughts or feelings.

She may try to blame, accuse and guilt you into making you think this is all your fault. Do not take the bait. When she is done, thank her for her time and leave.

If she asks you what you're thinking... tell her you have some things in mind and will let her know when you're ready.

This. ^

Puppy

[Gnosis]

I think you're missing the point with your question:

My question here would be, Contact or no contact if there's nothing left there then, why bother with the rest?

There is GOING to be contact. It is unavoidable. Whether that contact is to take her temperature or to dump her or to decide on the terms of D... It's going to happen, one way or another.

Who initiates and when is the choice you have.

The one who initiates it is going to set the stage and direction of the conversation. When this happens you should be the one who decides the when and where. You can wait for her to initiate contact, which could be anything from today to another six months from now... the way she is behaving right now it looks like the latter - she is having too much fun with her new-found freedom and partying friend. She is too busy to give you a moment's notice. You are at her mercy and whim.

Obviously, there is an advantage to waiting her out due to your immigration and work situation being affected. These are things you will need to decide. Nobody here is going to be able to make those decisions for you.

[FormelyknownasF]

It's just that something in my heart tells me should hear what she's got to say before I take a definitive decision.

Good point. Except that I didn't say I wanted to ask her anything.
A month ago, just after the exposing, she tried to call me and then sent a txt message asking for a chance for me to hear her out.

Still you make a good point, Robx. I won't rush, I should reflect on your words and be honest with myself to see if I'm indeed asking for validation.

What I'm finding increasingly hard to do is just to turn my back on this and 'hope for the best' even if it takes years. I don't think I can do that. I love her, yes but I love myself even more.

[FormelyknownasF]

There is an advantage to waiting her out due to your immigration and work situation being affected. These are things you will need to decide. Nobody here is going to be able to make those decisions for you.

I made the decision already that my immigration status won't have to be a part of this. I'll be fine. I'll handle it.

My company supports me and even if they can't do anything I've had so many job offers after this happened like you wouldn't believe. Both here and in two other countries so I don't need her even for that and it makes me feel very good.

[Gnosis]

My company supports me and even if they can't do anything I've had so many job offers after this happened like you wouldn't believe. Both here and in two other countries so I don't need her even for that and it makes me feel very good.

You bet it does! There is nothing better than a man who has options and is in control of his destiny... and women like it too.