WAW and the law of attraction

[FormelyknownasF]

Yes, Gno. And it's not only work. Every aspect of my life is bursting with options. Trips, new friends, new hobbies, other girls finding me attractive, etc

I have every confidence that I will be fine. I don't need her approval, I have my own approval already and that's enough.

[FormelyknownasF]

Couple of things I might need to know how to deal before hand:

1. She made the request to be heard before she knew the affair was exposed to family and OMW. What if the offer to talk is no longer on the table? i.e. she doesn't answer my calls or msgs

2. What if she wants to take control of the agenda, i.e. talk about divorce, Or says this is the last time we see each other so better say whatever is left to say?

[FormelyknownasF]

Do not contact her.

So I just prolong this situation indefinitely? Just be patient, hoping she'll
come to her senses before she finds yet another men. I just keep
smiling and doing my own thing... She'll be ready when she's ready.

Seriously, what's the alternative to that, then?

[Lotus]

If you let this go on too long, there will be nothing to talk about. You are already wondering what is left to talk about. Since you are focusing on yourself, do what you think is best for you. If you want to talk to her, then do it. If you don't, don't. You only keep yourself in suspense wondering if she even wants to talk to you anymore.

[FormelyknownasF]

If you let this go on too long, there will be nothing to talk about. You are already wondering what is left to talk about.

I couldn't have put it better myself.

[Steve McQueen]

Do not contact her.

So I just prolong this situation indefinitely? Just be patient, hoping she'll
come to her senses before she finds yet another men. I just keep
smiling and doing my own thing... She'll be ready when she's ready.

Seriously, what's the alternative to that, then?

you stated the "alternative" not really the "alternative but the directive.

"I just keep smiling and doing my own thing"

c'est la vie

personally, with what you have written about her, if i was living it, i wouldnt contact her until you can look her in the face and say, "We're through" and spin on your heels and walk away. (and get yourself a pair of horsebit loafers) so the last thing she remembers is the jingling sound of being dumped. It will resonate in her mind if she ever comes to her senses.

[FormelyknownasF]

personally, with what you have written about her, if i was living it, i wouldnt contact her until you can look her in the face and say, "We're through"

I'm in that zone.

[FormelyknownasF]

Since the beginning, I decided that I'd keep my own family from the details of our separation. You see, I had hopes of reconciliation and I knew they'll never forgive my W for behaving like she has.

All of them were very supportive but my mother was very inquisitive. I asked for trust and respect, she agreed reluctantly.

Today, she called me to ask if my W and I had talk about our problems. I told her things haven't changed and just as I was beginning to change the subject and tell her about my personal development, she suddenly she interrupted me and became furious.

She keep shouting "What did you do to that poor girl?" "Confess! what stupid thing did you do that she doesn't even want to talk?" "Why the secrecy?" , etc

I didn't tell her anything else. Just the same "We're going through a rough patch and have taken time off to think about things". But she kept implying that I had been unfaithful to her. (This is a reflection of my mother's own childhood memories and fears. Her father was a philanderer and abandoned them).

That aside, it got me thinking that most of the people, have treated me as if I was the monster here. My W's sister, her friends, etc and now even my own mother? It made me sad.

The only way I understand this is that, my W has been so nearly perfect most of her life than for them, the obvious guilty person has to be me.

So, let me see if I understand this well, I'm taking the [censored], while my W is out there in party land with everybody thinking "oh, poor her, look what she's been through"?

I don't care for validation from other people. Not even my mother (I already told her I don't want to talk to her as she can't neither respect or trust me) but I just think this is unfair. It's already enough having to deal with it as it is.

Yet another reason to move on.

[Lotus]

Life's lessons all seem to pile up to one answer....throw away the people in your past because things have not worked out with them. That may be fine, but history has a way of repeating itself. So after you throw away your wife and your mother, you will form new relationships which you can throw away later, when they go bad.

[FormelyknownasF]

I'm not throwing away anything, Lotus. At least not yet.

I'm just being honest here. I'm reaching a state where a part
of me questions if there's a point to all this? I've done a massive
amount of work here and there are no signs of progress with her.

I tried to call her this weekend and she didn't even pick up the phone.
or called back

She's determined to act as if I never existed.

All this while the rest of my life is telling me, even if the worst happens
"you'll be fine".

Pls, don't make it sound as if I was the coward here. God knows how
much I've tried. Before and after I knew there was OM.

Yes, it took months/years for my marriage to reach this state. Yes, months
and years are needed to fix this. But if there's no will to take even the smallest step, then, what should I do? Wait until eternity?

I don't want to walk away with unresolved issues. In fact, I think I've
learned A LOT from this situation, I've read a lot and I'm doing therapy.
I can see where my mistakes were and take charge for my responsibility.
I'm getting my lessons learned believe me.

I'm not the one who has turned his back on this because the law of attraction says "focus on what's good and makes you happy". I'm not the one taking ill
advice from an alcoholic best friend. I'm not the one who is in a rush to find
someone else who helps me forget my wife.

I'm the one posting on a forum from a website called "Divorce Busting" while she's out there in Partyland.

Still, I've decided I won't make a final decision yet. "Not just friends" recommends waiting 3 months to decide. I'm into my second month now.
It happens to be the same time when I'm supposed to move from this apartment. Might not just be a coincidence.