Ok OP. Can't think straight right now for some reason. Have a lot on my mind. I've been so out of it for so long that I need so much stuff done around the house and have been thinking where the heck to start.
Start by picking one task to do. And do it. Start to finish and check it off of your list.
Thanks guys! Going to start it on Saturday. I work both jobs Thursday and Friday and tonight I'm actually taking kids to go grocery shopping. First time in a long time. S19 and D13 have been going for me, and yes, this has to stop. All of you are so right, I need to stop drowning and go on with life.
I'm in counseling but this counselor is pro-divorce so I guess I will have to just tell her that I want to work on myself from now on for me and stop her from telling me to get rid of him and find someone else. Either she is going to help me like the rest of you are or I will be changing counselors. Need to get help for myself first then worry about H and M.
The counselor that I'm seeing also told me about a site vikki@runawayhusbands.com.....so I go on and it tells you to go on with your life basically, and forget about H/W that left you. Some of the stuff is to work on yourself like this site is but in no way do they tell you to go back to the WAS. I don't think she gets it, that I want to work on myself first and to stand and save my M. No matter how many times I tell her, she just blows it off and tells me to find another man.
Thanks guys! Going to start it on Saturday. I work both jobs Thursday and Friday and tonight I'm actually taking kids to go grocery shopping. First time in a long time. S19 and D13 have been going for me, and yes, this has to stop. All of you are so right, I need to stop drowning and go on with life.
Seriously ?
An excuse to not start right now ?
All of the things you can do right now that will help the most, begin with an outlook on life change, that can begin RIGHT NOW....
You just have to look past yourself enough to see that.....
Enough of the excuses GF....Really....
It can be as simple as choosing to NOT be a victim of this, and start becoming a survivor of this....
Then one day, you will see that you are not only surviving, you are thriving.....
Question for you....
How do you envision the rest of your life right now ?
Do you want to be talked off of the ledge , every day, for the rest of it ?
No matter how many times I tell her, she just blows it off and tells me to find another man.
In the most kindly way possible tell your C to go F herself. She isn't supposed to live vicariously through YOUR life. She is supposed to help you get over some tough shitt and help your realize crap about yourself. Not push her agenda on you.
PS -Mach is right...why are you putting this off? If it is a good thing to do...to it YESTERDAY.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 05/04/1009:07 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
You are getting good advice I saw your post on my thread about you contacting H.
You got the answer I would give here.
Everyone is trying to help you see that YOU are in control of this pain. You can't see that yet. But you are. I have been using this metaphor to describe my own healing.
Pain is actually your friend. It will lead to the right place for YOU. You are so full of pain right now why? Because of the interaction and attachement to H. SEE? What is your pain telling you? Your pain will speak to you if you listen.
interaction=attachement=pain
detachment=healing
=strength=loving detachment
loving detachment=acceptence=forgiveness
GF you HAVE to do this! You'll be stuck if you don't.
You'll be no good to YOU, Your kids or your M. Once you start it gets easier you gain so much power within yourself when you take control. Believe me.
What to do:
Don't contact H for any reason. Try not to think about H Occupy your time with something that takes your mind off H Don't get on FB or any other place to learn about H Don't talk to kids about H Keep yourself from sitautions in which you're reminded of H, No music that makes you sad. Put rubber band on your wrist and when you think about H give yourself a sting with it. ( I actually did this for a few days)
This is what I had to do and the first week was hell and I counted each day, one day at a time, each day I got stronger...each day I felt more power rising inside me.
Here is the clincher though are you ready? Listen to me now....
YOU HAVE TO DO THIS WITH ABSOLUTELY NO EXPECTATIONS OF H
Did you hear me? I said that VERY loudly so you would.
YOU HAVE TO DO THIS FOR YOU.
Do this now GF don't wait you're losing days toward your healing.
Do it NOW.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
GF - Taking the kids and grocery shopping is a good start. Break out of the same ole, same ole and try some new foods that you all would enjoy. You'll all be together to give input.
The guys are right. Don't wait for Sat. Get a list going. Make sure to include things that won't take a lot of time to accomplish on your busy days. Satisfaction comes from crossing jobs completed off the list even the little ones. Get the kids involved too.
Mach, thought I was starting by going to the grocery store. As far as the 2 jobs go, I can't do any house stuff on those days because I leave one job and drive to the next. One if full time and the other is well almost full time (6 to 7hrs. per night).
I really wasn't making excuses. It took a lot for me to go last night. I wasn't functioning that much at all as far as home goes.
And no, I don't want to be talked off the ledge every day. I really want to get better.
JTB, that's exactly what the counselor has been telling me. She even sent articles from that site to the house and told me I should go on the dating site that H is on.
What I get a kick out of with her is she has been married for about 30 some years, maybe more.
