STBX sent me a nasty-gram yesterday, thanking me for reminding her every single day "just how right" she was when she dropped the Bomb: "We were never anything; we never had anything; I left nothing behind."
All she's trying to do is convince herself of something that isn't true in order to justify her actions. She's trying to assuage her guilt.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Do you find it hard to believe that this was once the person whom you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? I myself would have thought the world would have ended before I saw and heard the things from her that I have!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Factor the physical (i.e., body) changes -- she's dropped 5 dress sizes if she's dropped 1; her hair has become sort of wiry; the lines in her face stand out because her cheeks are so hollow -- and the "new" wardrobe into the mental, emotional, and verbal "evolution" since The Bomb, and then multiply it by the Mid-Life Adolescence and the meaningless sex partners for a woman who for years professed her absolute mystification at people with multiple sex partners, and....
Put it this way: She once texted -- thinking, I suppose, that she was scoring a point or something -- "You have no idea who I am. It's so strange -- a random stranger off the street would know me better than you do."
Didn't know how right she was. On the odd occasion that we've been face-to-face and not snarling, from time-to-time I'll catch what might be, in the eyes, a glimpse of "my" wife, but it's like those ghostly ghosts you "see" at the very edge of the peripheral vision -- I try to focus and it's gone.
The Boy, yesterday, dinner table, upon hearing that Smiley's Person Himself is looking into taking his progeny on a trip to Hawaii later this summer: "Mom's going to Hawaii!"
The Girl: "Yeah, she told us!"
The Boy (suddenly crestfallen): "But she's going the same day that my play is." [The Boy got the Lead in the Big 4th Grade Play, which he was beside himself proud about.]
The Boy, upon seeing the dark cloud pass across my face: "But she said don't worry, because it doesn't mean she's a bad mother or anything, but she already paid for her ticket and it's really expensive and anyway the school is going to make a DVD of it so she can watch it -- she said she would! So that's okay. Right, Daddy?"
I smiled and assured him it was A-OK.
But when I was alone in my office....
Okay, okay; I've done all the strength and compassion bullsh*t. When do I get to just plain hate this....thing?
I'm sorry to hear what your children are going through, trying to be happy with the crumbs of affection and rationalizations of their mother in how she regards them.
And I'm very glad that they have a father and daddy like you, able to give the discipline, love and boundaries that children need to flourish and thrive. And your pancakes. They look divine.
Children are the souls of innocence with the wisdom of ages who intrinsically know what is and isn't true. Be there for them and make sure they never blame themselves for the actions of, or sacrifice their emotional well being to protect their mother.
