He regretted dating while separated and asked me to consider this question....
"Do you think it would make a possible reconciliation more complicated, or less complicated?"
It's a great question. The tricky part is, as I see it, is that it also has to be considered in combination with THIS question:
"Do you think it would make a possible reconciliation more likely, or less likely?"
The quandary, ladies and gentlemen, is that -- quite simply -- it WORKS.
Puppy
We need to remain cognizent of what works, even if its not "logical" or "nice". Some of the things which "may work" and we have not explored may go completely against the grain, and some of the things may be manipulative or even MEAN.
Yep -- I agree. And I wasn't even addressing the "right" or "wrong" of it (personally, I'm opposed to it, unless there is infidelity involved, you're clearly moving on towards D, and you let your spouse know, as a courtesy) -- just saying that it WORKS, and that efficacy has to be factored in along with the "does it make it more or less complicated" question.
For me with the younger wife, I probably need to remain in those "social juices" for a while, and be considered attractive to various groups. I was when I met her.
Yep -- I agree. And I wasn't even addressing the "right" or "wrong" of it (personally, I'm opposed to it, unless there is infidelity involved, you're clearly moving on towards D, and you let your spouse know, as a courtesy) -- just saying that it WORKS, and that efficacy has to be factored in along with the "does it make it more or less complicated" question.
If it WORKS, then it is THE RIGHT THING TO DO. That is my belief.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I think the question you should ask - and there are many on here (does it complicate things, does it work, is it right for you, will you get attached - rebound, etc)
The full question should be - does it work, is there anything else I can do that will fit (assuming this doesn't) better into my moral scheme of things that will work just as well, and how does it make me feel about myself.
Not talking about how the attention feels, obviously that feels good - but when you're all alone in bed at night, are you PROUD of who you are when you're dating while still M?
I have to admit, it's tempting for me, I've thought about it a lot, even flirted more and more recently and found myself looking at men, and enjoying them looking back - but in the end, I'm a M woman, and I will go to my grave knowing I was faithful to the end.
It may work, but for me, at least, flirting is just as PMA raising and less hassle - I don't have to worry about slipping up and doing something I would regret.
There is a small gland located in the vertebrate brain called the pineal gland, also referred to as the pineal eye. It is responsible for melatonin production. Melatonin production is stimulated by darkness and inhibited by light, and decreased melatonin is taught to influence desire for sex. It has been studied in the seasonal breeding patterns of birds and other small animals.
Spring. talk of dating. Someone's pineal eye is getting some sunshine
Quote:
- based on what you've seen on these forums, how many LBS's give up when their WAS's are having affairs ;-)
I think this bulletin board is heavily skewed by codependent personalities and failure.
The observation is that people are attracted to happy, successful, interesting individuals. That and the personality traits associated with them make others want to learn more about you, spend time with you.
If your relationship with your spouse has you feeling the opposite, the very next thing you should consider is interacting with others, someone else. Spend more time knowing yourself then miserating over someone that is off doing such. You are likely to find you are an incredible person that people, someone else, are attracted to, interested in and are made to feel happy, successful and interesting by you. Get out and calcify that penial eye .
I think this bulletin board is heavily skewed by codependent personalities and failure.
lol! Harsh! I am skeptical about "codependency." Isn't that what happens to everyone when they get married? Unless they live separately for work issues or something, lol? Seriously- don't couples get enmeshed with each other? I bet it describes 90% marriages out there!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
The observation is that people are attracted to happy, successful, interesting individuals. That and the personality traits associated with them make others want to learn more about you, spend time with you.
Hmmm, tempting, tempting. Seriously, this is so true. Absolutely true... again, the morality issue for me, personally, but this is very true. For those of you open to it, just dating, even if your spouse doesn't know, will raise your PMA to a level that will attract them back.
The same can be said for many other avenues, though... For instance, if you have not truly detached, they just "know" even if you consistently "show" them and "tell" them that you no longer care, if you truly do, even on some deep level, they will just "know" that you are still attached.
That's why to properly DB, you must not hold onto the rope loosely, you must drop it. You must make changes for you and make them real and deep. There is a lot of non-verbal body language that goes on in a person's life that they read daily. Others just "know" when you're high value. Rob has gotten there, and so glad to see his example set up there for us.
.