What books like "Not just friends" or "After the affair" tell on how affairs happen and why. How you get all doped, how chemicals mess up with everything, how it's unfair to compare your husband with a lover, etc
I've learned all this. I think it's only fair she knows what really happened to us.
I doubt she is ready to hear that truth now. Maybe, down the road, she will be. The chances that her affair will end in 'happily ever after' are slim to none.
Right now, at least that information may help you understand what happened. It takes time for our emotions to catch up with what our heads understand though. Also, don't underestimate the effect the cultish type of groups your W is involved in can have on people.
If she was planning to give you some 'grace', (how condescending ), it's probably good she decided against it. Make arrangements for handling the remaining practical details. Be confident and cordial. I'm sure there are lots of women who are glad that FKA is available again.
You will be Formerly. One thing you can't deny from this site is that it proves that there are plenty of honest, well meaning, dedicated folks who share a belief in marriage and fidelity and working at lifelong commitment. You too are one of them, and there are more out there for you to meet.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
I think your wife is punishing you. Almost all of them do it; some can hold out and do it longer than others. She may or may not still make a move back towards your marriage, but the fact is that you have done the best you could, and everything you have done, you have done to try to save your marriage.
Your wife can't honestly say the same.
You knew going in that the "tough love" approach isn't guaranteed, but it's still the BEST chance people have of trying to save their marriage when there is infidelity involved, in my experience. Your wife may have deeper issues (like Geomom's husband currently) that say that NOTHING would have really worked right now, and that this is her journey.
As men, that's very hard for us to accept, because we are natural "fixers."
I do think there isn't any longer any reason to lie to protect her. Your family should know the truth.
I doubt she is ready to hear that truth now. Maybe, down the road, she will be. The chances that her affair will end in 'happily ever after' are slim to none.
I'm pretty sure the affair is over. At least the original one. Maybe she has another now. Who knows.
My point is, if I send her a book, and doesn't want to read it now. She maybe will down the road. Even if I'm not there and hopefully that'll help her make better decisions in the future. It's one last act of towards the woman that gave me the best days of my life (And the worst).
Last edited by FormelyknownasF; 05/08/1007:25 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Not sure about telling my family, that would definitely will be the last nail in the cuffin. I wish there would be anything else I could do. Even if it just to stay put and give her more time to process her thoughts. But maybe that's just me fooling myself, some day she'll wake up.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Not sure about telling my family, that would definitely will be the last nail in the cuffin. I wish there would be anything else I could do. Even if it just to stay put and give her more time to process her thoughts. But maybe that's just me fooling myself, some day she'll wake up.
Only you will know mate, when it is time to give up. Give her more time if you want/need to do so. It's only really over when you decide it is.
It is very tough to give up all hope isn't it. I too feel like a failure, and soon to be tagged with "divorcee" despite not walking away from the lifelong commitment I made. I think they're all normal feelings for us to have. It's just a shame the WAS don't seem to have the same issues!
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
You could call the DB coaches on this website. They have gentler ways of dealing with affairs. Their methods take time and may not work at all as she may have truly hardened her feelings towards you. But this did not work, either. At this point, what do you have to lose?
Their methods take time and may not work at all as she may have truly hardened her feelings towards you. But this did not work, either. At this point, what do you have to lose?
Time and sanity. That's what I could lose.
You see, I lost her many times already. When I asked her to work on our marriage and she refused. When she knew I was in the hospital and didn't call. When she asked me for space only to get involved with a married man with children. I lost her when not once, in 2 months, has cared about how I feel.
So the question is, what do I have to win?
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
), it's probably good she decided against it. Make arrangements for handling the remaining practical details. Be confident and cordial. I'm sure there are lots of women who are glad that FKA is available again. 
